Weighing the Options: Planning a Defense

by SAMHSA

You've done all the right things as a parent-you've talked to your child about the risks of alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drug use. You've discussed the media messages. You're involved in your child's life and working hard at being a good role model for her. You get to know her friends and their families. Now you need to prepare her for the moment when you're not there and she has to make a decision about whether to use drugs or not use drugs, smoke or not smoke, drink or not drink.

When your child was younger, you gave him the responsibility of making choices that carried increasingly heavier consequences so that he could practice and learn to picture the consequences of each decision he faced. Now he needs to be prepared for one of the most important decisions in his life so far-whether to try alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs.

Sooner or later, your child may be hanging out with friends she thought would never use drugs, or she'll be at a sleepover, and suddenly one of her friends will offer her a joint. These are her close friends-her peer group. What will she do?

It's important to prepare your child for this moment of truth. He needs to have a defensive plan. His decision at this moment could have life-long effects. We know that those who begin using alcohol or tobacco when they are young are more likely to use them later in life. Thinking ahead of time about this decision to use or not use will give your child the edge when he finds himself in the unexpected situation like the one described above.

The first step in this process is to identify the problem. What exactly is the decision to be made? Help him think about the pressures he will feel in such a situation, the possible options he has, and the long-term effects of each option. Then help him think about how he might feel about each option if he chose it. If he refuses to join the crowd, his friends may not make a big deal of it at all. But what will he do if his friends do reject or ridicule him? What will happen the next time he sees his friends? Will they include him in their lives if he refuses? Whom will he sit with for lunch period if his friends shun him? How will he feel about all of this? Let him think through and decide for himself which option is best and how he would carry out his solution.

Thinking through these social consequences is as important for your child as thinking about the actual physical and legal consequences of drug and alcohol abuse. The issues around fitting in with her friends may seem much more urgent to your child than the dangers of drug abuse. Working through the decisionmaking process will help equip her to face this important moment with a clear view of her decision. She'll have a game plan ready when she needs it.

About the Author

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SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.