Peer Pressure: Good or Bad?

by SAMHSA

Kids say, "I want one, too." Teenagers insist, "I gotta have it; everyone else does." Adults call it "peer pressure."

Kids want to be accepted, to belong, and to be like peers they admire. As a result, peer pressure can influence the choices young people make - contributing to poor decisions or reinforcing good ones. So a lot depends on what's important to the kids your child spends time with.

The Pressure Builds

We see peer pressure starting at nursery school when a child wants other kids to play a certain game. By middle school and high school, friendships often influence the music kids listen to, the clothes they wear, and the activities they take part in - whether it's going to the mall, practicing soccer, or drinking alcohol.

For Better or Worse

Many young people benefit from good peer pressure - studying for a test, signing up for a new activity, eating healthy foods, or volunteering for a community service project. Friends can provide a safe place for young people to become better at communicating as they learn to disagree and work out differences. Friends also can give good advice or agree not to do something risky.

Yet going along with the crowd can be dangerous. Depending on what a group of kids thinks is cool, a young person may be swayed to break rules or try risky behaviors. Pressure from these peers can distract a kid from doing schoolwork, trying out for a team, respecting speed limits, or obeying underage drinking laws.

Providing Support

As a parent, you can shape the way your child deals with negative peer pressure. Start by always letting your child know you love him and are proud of his accomplishments. From time to time, repeat what you mean by "acceptable behavior."

Kids benefit from frequent discussions about many topics, including use of tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drugs; driving; sex; respect for property; and cheating in school. Explain to your child that if he feels uneasy about doing something - especially just because other kids are doing it - STOP!

Thinking It Through

Because it's easier for a teenager to go along with the group if she feels unsure of herself, teach your child how to be confident in refusing to try anything risky. Help her learn to make her own decisions whether they involve doing homework, coming home on time, or saying "no" - by practicing decision-making skills. Following the steps below will require the teen to make an informed decision rather than an immediate, on-the-spot one:

• Identify what needs to be decided.

• Gather the information necessary to make the decision - including possible solutions or alternatives. For example, one choice may involve fitting in with the crowd, breaking the law, and risking damage to a young body and brain. Another choice may involve thinking of other ways to have fun with friends and be popular, avoiding harm, and sticking to family values.

• List the possible courses of action.

• Think about the consequences of poor choices: disappointing Mom and Dad, getting grounded, being involved in a possible car crash, or having unwanted sex. Healthy choices may lead to taking pride in a healthy outlook, staying safe, and realizing that your child alone - not her peers - will live with the results of her choices.

• Make the decision: for example, no alcohol use until age 21.

• Review and reinforce that she can make her own choices, that she has the courage to say "no" when it conflicts with her values, and that she can be true to herself.

Saying No

Many young people report that risking parental disapproval of underage drinking is the key reason they have chosen not to drink - even more important than doing what other kids are doing.2 However, your child may need your support to resist. Some ways to back up your expectations are to:

• Help your child practice refusal skills, including several ways to say "no": "No thanks, I don't want any beer" or "Nope, my Dad and I are working on the car tomorrow morning; I have to get up early." Let him put the blame on you by saying something like, "No - my parents absolutely will ground me for weeks if I have any alcohol."

• Agree on a code word for him to use that means "come and get me now." Choose a word that she can use easily and that makes sense in a phone call. For example, using someone's name in any sentence could be a code: "Is Angie there?" or "If Aunt Angie calls, tell her I'll meet her on Tuesday." Or use a regular word, as in, "I forgot to tell you to buy chocolate chips so I can make cookies." You, as the parent, will know what that means. Make sure your child can trust you to come pick him up right away at any time. And he needs to know that you won't blame him for being someplace where he didn't know alcohol would be served.

Sticking Together

Because peer pressure can be helpful or harmful, your teenager may need encouragement to get involved in activities where she can find friends whose outlook and character are in line with your family's values. Together, your child and her friends can give moral support to each other, which will make it much easier to resist the wrong kind of peer pressure. Besides, by saying "no," they may give someone else the courage to do the same thing.

About the Author

www.samhsa.gov
SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.