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Substance use disorders affect every part of a person's life. For that reason, treatment needs to affect every part of a person's life as well. Treatment involves more than helping someone stop drinking alcohol or using drugs.

Actually, stopping alcohol use or drug use is just the beginning of the recovery process. Your family member will need to learn new ways to cope with daily life. He or she will need to relearn how to deal with stress, anger, or social situations and how to have fun without using drugs or drinking. Learning these new skills is a lot of work.

Many people enter treatment only because of pressure from the legal system, employers, parents, spouses, or other family members. The first step in treatment then is to help them see that they do have a problem and to become motivated to change for themselves. This process often takes time.

Your family member also will need time to understand and begin to use the support of the self-help groups mentioned before. These groups will be important to his or her recovery for many years to come.

Remember: It can take a long time for the disease to develop and it is often chronic; therefore, it can take a long time to treat it.

Just For You

Now that your family member is in treatment, things are starting to change. Some of the tension and turmoil that probably were part of your life may be starting to ease. But the first weeks of treatment are stressful. Each family member is adjusting to changes, starting to deal with past conflicts, and establishing new routines. Amid all these changes, it is important that you take good care of yourself - get enough sleep, eat right, rest, exercise, and talk to supportive friends and relatives. Your church, mosque, synagogue, temple, or other spiritual organization also may be a good source of support.

Recovery is not just an adjustment for the person in treatment - it also is an adjustment for you. For the past few years, you may have assumed roles or taken care of tasks that were your loved one's responsibilities. Now, as time passes, you and he or she may need to learn new ways of relating to each other and learn different ways of sharing activities and chores. If you are the parent of an adolescent in treatment, you will need to be closely involved in treatment planning and treatment activities. You may need to adjust your life and family relationships to allow for the extra time this involvement will take.

You may have many questions about how your family member will behave in these early stages of recovery. Everyone acts differently. Some people are very happy to be getting treatment at last; others suffer a great deal while they adjust to a new life and attempt to live it without alcohol and drugs. They may be sad, angry, or confused. It is important for you to realize that these are normal reactions and to get support for yourself.

Al-Anon is the best-known and most available resource for family members and friends of alcoholics. Al-Anon was founded 50 years ago to provide support for those living with someone with alcoholism. Alateen, for older children and adolescents, was founded somewhat later on. Today, many family members of people who use drugs also participate in Al-Anon or Alateen. These meetings are free and available in most communities.

Your community also may have Nar-Anon meetings. This group was founded for families and friends of those using drugs. Other groups also may be helpful, such as Co-Dependents Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics. The treatment program should be able to give you schedules of local meetings of all these groups, or you can find contact information in the "Resources" section of this booklet.

Many treatment professionals consider substance use disorders family diseases. To help the whole family recover and cope with the many changes going on, you may be asked to take part in treatment. This approach may involve going to a family education program or to counseling for families or couples.

It is important to remember the following points as you and your family member recover:

• You are participating in treatment for yourself, not just for the sake of the person who used substances.

• Your loved one's recovery, sobriety, or abstinence does not depend on you.

• Your family's recovery does not depend on the recovery of the person who used substances.

• You did not cause your family member's substance use disorder. It is not your fault.

You still may have hurt feelings and anger from the past that need to be resolved. You need support to understand and deal with these feelings, and you need to support your loved one's efforts to get well.

Remember: Help is always there for you, too. Ask the counselor for some suggestions, and check the "Resources" section of this booklet.

What if I Need Help With Basic Living Issues?

You may need very practical help while your family member is in treatment. If your family member is the sole financial provider and unable to work because he or she is in treatment, how will the bills get paid? If your family member is the primary care-giver for children or an elderly adult, how will these needs be met? The treatment program may be able to help you arrange disability leave or insurance through your loved one's employer. Ask the counselor about different types of assistance that may be available to help you meet various needs. Most treatment programs work with other community programs. These programs may include food pantries, clothing programs, transportation assistance, child care, adult day care, legal assistance, financial counseling, and health care services. Your family may be eligible for help from programs that help those in recovery.

I'm Afraid It Won't Work

Treatment is just the first step to recovery. During this process family members sometimes have mixed feelings. You may feel exhausted, angry, relieved, worried, and afraid that, if this doesn't work, nothing will. You may feel as if you are walking on eggshells and that, if you do something wrong, you may cause your loved one to relapse. It is important for you to remember that you cannot cause a relapse - only the person who takes a drug or picks up a drink is responsible for that.

No one can predict whether your family member will recover, or for how long, but many people who receive treatment do get better. The longer people stay in treatment the more likely they will remain drug and alcohol free. About half the people who complete treatment for the first time continue to recover. Of course, this means that about half will return to drinking alcohol and using drugs (called relapse) before they finally give them up for good. Adolescents are even more likely to use drugs or alcohol or both again. It is not uncommon for a person to need to go through treatment more than one time. Often the person needs to return to treatment quickly to prevent a slip or relapse from leading to a chronic problem.

It is important for you to understand that relapse is often a part of the recovery process. Do not be discouraged if your family member uses alcohol or drugs again. Many times relapses are short and the person continues to recover.

A treatment program may involve you in relapse prevention planning and may help you learn what to do if your family member relapses. Your family member will benefit if you do not drink or use drugs around him or her, especially in the first months after his or her treatment begins. When you choose not to use drugs or alcohol, you help your loved one avoid triggers. As you both begin to understand and accept the illness, the risk of relapse decreases. The changes in attitudes, behaviors, and values that you both are learning and practicing will become part of your new recovering lifestyle.

Tags: Addictions

About the Author

NIH is the nation's medical research agency - making important medical discoveries that improve health and save lives. The National Institutes of Health (NIH), a part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, is the primary Federal agency for conducting and supporting medical research.