Stories of Hope, Part 2

Overcoming Autism: Finding the Answers, Strategies, and Hope That Can Transform a Child's Life
by Lynn Kern Koegel, Ph.D., Claire LaZebnik

(Page 4 of 6)

Who was one hundred percent right about Andrew. His language acquisition was a slow process and required years and years of speech therapy. Even after he started saying words, he was still almost entirely echolalic for a long time - that is, he repeated parts of our sentences but was unable to construct his own.

That's the bad news. The good news? Roberta was also absolutely right when she said Andrew would start talking eventually. His language did come. Slowly, painfully, at times maddeningly - but it came. Today, at the age of twelve, he speaks more or less like other kids his age - maybe slightly more haltingly, and there are some oddities that I'll discuss in later chapters, but nothing anyone would notice from just chatting with him casually.

Roberta was always honest with us, even when she was telling us something we didn't want to hear. She was open and communicative, sharing the frustrations and the breakthroughs, making it clear we were a team and would face each step together. She became and remains a dear friend, and we learned to replace unreal dreams of a miracle with joy in the actual progress our son was making.

"Trust Me. I'll Make Miracles Happen."

Now contrast our experience with a conversation I had not long ago with a friend of a friend, who had called me for some advice. She had recently hired a therapist whose m.o. was to whisk her screaming kid off and drill him for long periods in a separate room, no parents allowed, and not much parent-therapist communication taking place after, either. This mom said neither she nor her child was comfortable with this arrangement, but when she tried to talk to the therapist about her concerns, he said, "You want results? I can tell you right now - the only way your child will improve is if he continues to see me. If you stop the therapy, you'll be harming your child and destroying any progress he might have made."

So she was terrified and as distressed as a parent could be - her instinct told her the guy was no good, but she was scared that firing him would harm her son's progress. And her entire life was centered on helping her child make progress.

So I told her what I thought: A therapist who plays on your fears to keep you bound to him isn't a good person or a good therapist. Neither is one who makes extravagant promises about how well your child will do with his help and only with his help. A good therapist shares his work and knows he's part of a team.

The Interventions in This Book

What you'll see, as you read this book, is that the most effective interventions aren't miraculous or dependent on any one specific therapist. In fact, what's so great about the methods in this book is that they're logical and straightforward and user-friendly. Which isn't to say you shouldn't have professionals working with your child. It takes a team of professionals and family members, working together, to create a plan and to keep a steady flow of teaching and reinforcement going at all times. But anyone who's smart, dedicated, and willing to learn can certainly contribute.

Knowledge should always be shared. If an intervention is successful for your child, everyone who comes in contact with him should know it. And the same goes for an unsuccessful approach - people should know to avoid it. Consistency is key.

Trust Yourself

All of this is to say, trust your guts a little bit when it comes to the people who work with your child. Recognize that there aren't miracles, but there should be steady progress, and the good guys acknowledge both these things. Stay away from anyone who plays on your fears and insecurities, who says he knows your child better than you do, who doesn't let you in the room when he's working with your child or at least tell you what he's doing in there, who promises miracles, who demands your trust without earning it.

You want to put your trust in someone? Trust your kid. He's the one who's going to be doing all the hard work, and odds are, he'll succeed. Trust that he'll try his best to overcome the worst of this disability. My brother used to call Andrew the hardest- working kid in L.A., and I still think Andrew works harder on any given day than anyone else we know, since he has to learn and memorize so much of what comes naturally to the rest of us. The motivation is there, though - you can see his pride and relief at every gain he makes.

You Don't Have to Be Extraordinary

One last thought: You know those mothers in those other autism books, the personal-memoir type? The mothers who are tough and strong and do scientific research on their own and never take a break from working with and fighting for their child?

I'm not like that at all. I am so not a mother tigress. I'm fairly shy, I'd rather go out to lunch with my kid than sit in a room and drill him, I'll do anything to avoid confrontation, and I know absolutely nothing about the science of autism except that someone somewhere is trying to locate the genes for it, which would be helpful information, I guess.

I'm totally in awe of the kinds of mothers I've read about in those other books, the ones who knock down doors to get their kids what they need, who contact every expert they hear of, who question authority and read any bit of information they can get their hands on. They deserve their child's success, and I hope every one of them finds it. But I'm not like that, and if it's not in your nature either, I don't think you need to be to help your child.

You just have to take the right steps and be willing to do some work.

Start by reading this book.

© 2005 Penguin, a division of Penguin Putnam, used by permission.

About the Author

Lynn Kern Koegel is one of the world's foremost experts on the treatment of autism. She and her husband, Robert L. Koegel, Ph.D., founded the renowned Autism Research Center at the Graduate School of Education at the University of Californian, Santa Barbara. She lives in Santa Barbara, California.

Claire LaZebnik is a published novelist and magazine writer. She lives with her husband and four children in Pacific Palisades, California.