Taking a Step on the Healing Path

The ADD Answer: How to Help Your Child Now
by Frank Lawlis, Ph.D.

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This book was written from my heart, soul, and mind for the sake of our children, because we are on the edge of crisis. I have seen too many children and families suffering because they lack plans and solutions for managing the realities of ADD. No one has been giving families tools they can use to take charge of the problem themselves, but I will. No one has been giving families the means to understand and assess the specific problems their child faces as a result of ADD, but I will. No one has been giving families clear action plans that will guide them toward success, but I will. It is with these goals in mind that I have written this book.

As a researcher and someone who is personally invested in helping people, I want you to know that I base all therapy on truth. And I will tell you the truth about why I am so passionate about writing this book. My interest in medicine and healing began when I was a child, growing up with a mother who had numerous surgeries, spread out over many years. Being a good son, my first career choice was to be a traditional doctor. However, I soon became aware of the limitations of medicine, and I eventually chose to become a psychologist who worked in the medical field. I quickly discovered that there are often a number of approaches to diseases and conditions that are very effective and scientifically valid but that never see the light of day. Many of these alternative treatments take longer than the typical seven minutes currently allowed in the doctor's office, so the traditional medical solution - a pill - is usually prescribed without even a brochure explaining the medical alternatives.

In all truth, ADD cannot be treated in seven minutes or in seven days, and probably cannot be treated in a doctor's office. It has to be approached in the home, where there is a higher calling than just getting a child to be quiet and conform to the rules for a while. This book, then, is written for the family. It offers new and exciting approaches, with action plans as well. But this is not a gift that cures the problem by itself. It is a path - a healing path that with effort and focus can and will shift the impact of your child's ADD from disaster to growth as your child becomes the human being he or she is truly destined to be.

It is critical for you to keep something in mind from this point forward: you and your family can beat this thing. It will not destroy your lives, your values, or your dreams. God did not invest ADD with that kind of power over you. ADD is challenging. It is confusing. But I've helped thousands of patients find hope and renewal. Your job will be to stay strong and to keep things in perspective. This is a considerable challenge, but it is one you and your child can handle, just as others have. Remember, the measure of our character is how we respond to life's challenges.

If you are a parent who is new to the challenges of ADD, you need to begin this journey with two guiding thoughts:

• You must commit yourself to a long and deep study of ADD. It impacts every realm of experience for you and your child - social, educational, and spiritual. So you must become both an expert and an advocate.

• You must be willing to reach out for help and support. Even the most determined people can do only so much. We all have limits to our reserves of courage and energy. Do not be too proud to ask for help or to vent your exasperation. The important thing is to protect your own mental and physical health because your child needs you.

If you are a parent who has been on this merry-go-round for a while already, I want to offer hope. By now you've realized that there is no quick fix - no healing gurus, no miracle cures. But there are scientific approaches that will offer relief. I am going to share with you my proven strategies for helping those afflicted with ADD. I encourage you to begin this new journey of treatment and healing by making a promise to yourself, your spouse, and your children. Pledge to open your heart and mind so that you can understand and meet this challenge. Make this a positive journey of accomplishment for you, your child, and your family. Every parent wants to find the easiest path. But the reality is that life rarely allows for easy travel. As in the children's tale The Velveteen Rabbit, it is only in wearing off our fur that we become real. In facing the challenge of ADD together, you will experience the privilege of truly getting to know your child and yourself. Believe me, that is a gift, regardless of what life throws at you later.

Many of the accepted treatments for helping kids with ADD put parents in the role of clowns in a three-ring circus. Physicians say one thing, teachers say something else, friends and family have their own opinions. Suggestions, recommendations, and diagnoses fly at you from all directions, but no one seems to fully grasp what works and doesn't work. Every day I am amazed at how even the most intelligent and dedicated parents miss out on important resources available for helping their children with ADD.

Parents of ADD children often talk of the emotional roller coaster they experience in searching for answers and in trying to determine what is right and what is wrong for their children. Many have endured criticism for trying different approaches when the recommended treatments appear to fail. They feel trapped in a no-win situation when an approach that has worked for others does not help their own children. At times when they most need support and praise for their efforts, they feel ashamed and damned.

This disorder often disrupts the normal life of a family. Certainly not every ADD family is dysfunctional, but the insidious nature of this condition can disrupt basic communication. Even the most loving family relationships can be thrown dramatically askew. Sometimes parents tend to focus so much on the needs of an ADD child that the needs of other siblings are neglected. When a family becomes dependent on outside expertise from psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers, and school counselors, that can undermine its healthy sense of self-reliance and disrupt its decision-making processes. Never knowing what to expect from an ADD child from day to day also disrupts a household. Trust can erode.

ADD can tear at the fabric of a family by undermining parental authority and creating suspicion and doubt. Yet we know, too, that challenges like ADD often strengthen familial bonds. Having worked with hundreds of clients, I've seen some horrific family crises arise because of ADD, and I've seen family members rally around one another with compassion and dedication. This book will give your family the tools and the guidance to make the best of your experience with ADD.

© 2005 Plume, a division of Penguin Putnam, used by permission.

About the Author

Dr. Frank Lawlis is a renowned psychologist, researcher, and counselor with more than thirty-five years' experience working with families. He is the cofounder of the Lawlis and Peavey Centers for Psychoneurological Change and was named a fellow by the American Psychological Association. Dr. Lawlis is also the chief content adviser for the Dr. Phil Show.