The Most Important Rule Every Businesswoman Needs to Know

She Wins, You Win: The Most Important Rule Every Businesswoman Needs to Know
by Gail Evans

The New York Times bestselling author of Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman tells women the ONE RULE they need to know in order to succeed in business.

In her first book, Gail Evans showed women how to get ahead in the workplace by learning the unwritten rules of business that men "wrote" and play by. In She Wins, You Win, Gail takes her empowering approach to corporate success a step further by telling women that it isn't enough to understand the men's rules-women must create their own. In She Wins, You Win Gail shares the secrets of:

• The importance of being a team player and how to set up your own winning team
• When it's okay to break the rules
• How to use the resources already at your disposal much more powerfully

Chapter 1

Why You Must Play on the Women's Team

Let me tell you two very different stories. The first concerns Lily, a fiery young entrepreneur who started her own computer software business. This enterprise was so successful that a much larger firm eventually bought Lily out, but they asked her to continue running her company as an executive vice president. She accepted.

Unfortunately, Lily has run into a problem. The qualities that helped make her so successful as an entrepreneur-her independence and her verve-aren't necessarily working for her as a member of her new company's male-dominated corporate culture. It's clear to top management that while Lily's ideas are sharp and her company has proved to be an excellent acquisition, Lily herself isn't working out. The men aren't used to someone as openly passionate. Furthermore, Lily still acts as though she were running her own show, and without realizing it, she has been stepping on toes throughout the corporation.

As luck would have it, sitting on this company's board of directors is a well-known woman of great stature in this particular profession. She is fully aware that the board will do Lily in if she can't meld into the good old boy network. But this board member also sees how Lily's demeanor could be changed with some smart advice. So instead of taking the easy route of sitting back and watching Lily self-destruct, this woman, along with another top female executive, has decided to help-they are coaching Lily to get along better with the men, they are advising her on her management techniques, they are even modifying her choice of clothes, which are both too flashy and quirky, to blend in with the corporate culture.

To do so, these women are aware that they are risking political capital. The guys wouldn't be pleased to know that they're trying to save Lily's career-she's already history to them. But the women are well aware that as secure and nice as it is for them in such high positions, things will only change for women if they help the younger ones along.

So far, the word is that these women have made a difference, and that Lily has turned a corner. It looks as though she will make it after all.

The second story concerns Jenna, a fast-rising executive in the retail business. Jenna works at a company where most of the customers are women, and where half of the employees are women, but the firm itself is run entirely by men.

Recently these men have made it clear that they intend to add a woman to the senior vice president level. Jenna is certainly a candidate for this position, as are three other women.

But the pleasant camaraderie that existed between these women before the announcement was made is slowly disappearing. More than ever before the women see each other as rivals rather than compatriots, and the situation is becoming ugly. "We all know that there's room for only one of us," Jenna says. "And each one of us wants to be that one."

The women, divided and unhappy, are spending their time fighting among themselves, gossiping bitterly about each other, asking friends to support only one over the others, creating factions throughout the company. Meanwhile, the men above are watching warily. My fear is that none of the women will survive what is turning into an out-and-out war, or even if one does get the job, the others will have to leave.

My advice to Jenna: Try to find a way for the women to work together, because if they can't stop undermining one another, there may not be any female-friendly changes forthcoming at all.

The point is that it's only a win for women if all the women survive intact. If one of the women so bloodies the others that their reputations are badly damaged, it's not a win for the team. A real women's win is one where everyone fights fair and everyone is acknowledged for the effort, even if only one person ultimately is picked for the job.

* * *

I wish that stories like Lily's were more prevalent than stories like Jenna's. Unfortunately that's not the case, as I learned after the publication of my last book, Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman. In that book I said that business is a game, and that men, having written all the rules, know how to play this game well. If women are to succeed, they need to know these rules so they can act out of knowledge rather than ignorance.

Due to the book's subject matter, I was invited to speak at seminars, conferences, and meetings around the world about the role of women in the workplace. The women in the audiences represented all levels of the business world, from top executives to entry-level assistants. And almost without exception, they found the book quite beneficial. They also realized that even if they didn't want to comply with some of the rules, they should at least know them all, and were setting about doing so. But even though women are now playing the game of business more than ever, and better than ever, are we actually winning?

The answer is no. Statistics as well as my own observations bear this out. Time after time at these conferences I meet women, like Jenna, who have everything going for them: They're intelligent, they're ambitious, they're talented-but they aren't climbing the corporate ladder as fast and as far as they should.

I hear their frustration in the questions they ask me at the end of each speech, I hear it in the comments they make to each other, I see it in the e-mails and letters they send me.

"I'm smart, I work hard, I'm successful," they say, "but I feel that I'm playing the game alone." "I don't know whose team I'm on." "I have no place to go whenever something upsetting happens to me and I need advice."

Or they ask: "When one of my best friends was promoted over me, we stopped being friends-why does this happen?" "Why do women always become one of 'them' when they get promoted?" "Why does my female boss talk so much about helping other women, but, when the moment of truth arrives, she hires men?" "Why do so many women often act much tougher toward the women who work for them than the men do?"

They also ask: "Why is it that the women in my department are always there to support one another when someone fails, but when someone gets promoted, they distance themselves from her?"

A rising young comer at a major investment-banking company told me that one of her male coworkers took her to lunch and said that everyone in her group was upset because she was generating too much revenue (the others were all men). She left work that day bewildered and confused. Was she supposed to make less money for the company?

"You work at one of the most aggressive places in the world," I said, "and you took this man's complaint seriously? Do you honestly think your CEO feels that you're making too much money for him?"

Once she heard the idea uttered aloud, she realized how ridiculous the conversation had been. She even started to laugh. But because she had no one to talk to about it openly, the humor hadn't been evident before.

Another woman, an executive at a large public relations outfit, told me that all the men around her were vice presidents, yet she wasn't-even though she did as much work and had as much responsibility. When she finally got up enough nerve to ask her boss for a promotion, he said, "You're doing an excellent job, but we're not into titles at this company."

She left his office feeling she had violated some secret code and decided not to mention it again. Still, she couldn't help but wonder-if the company wasn't into titles, why did all the men seem to have them?

"Did you discuss this with the other women at your company?" I asked.

"No," she said. She felt the other women were her rivals so she didn't feel comfortable bringing up the subject. I suggested that one reason why none of the women had received the titles was because they kept the information to themselves, never discussing any of these issues with the others.

* * *

Copyright © 2003 by Gail Evans, Published by Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., all rights reserved, reprinted with permission from the publisher.

About the Author

Gail Evans is the author of Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman, a phenomenal bestseller that has quickly become a classic in its field. CNN's first female executive vice president, Ms. Evans was responsible for creating many of CNN's most successful shows. She is the recipient of numerous awards and appointments. Ms. Evans has appeared on many major national television shows including the Today show, Larry King Live, and shows on CNBC. She currently lectures around the country, mentoring and teaching women of all ages and business backgrounds on how to get ahead in today's corporate world.