Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner Voice, Part 2

by Helene G. Brenner, Ph.D.

(Page 2 of 2)

Until that moment, important aspects of these women's true inner selves were inaccessible to them. Without that access, they had nothing to counter the influence of what I call "outside voices"-the opinions, desires and expectations of other people, or the critical, judgmental voices in their own mind that told them what was wrong with them and what they needed to improve. Once they reconnected to their inner selves, however, they had a new reference point for how they could feel. It became easier for them to understand the signals that came from their inner selves, and so they trusted them more. The outside voices had less of an effect.

I saw these experiences as central to the therapy I was doing. I saw women come more alive as they trusted more and more what their own hearts, minds and souls were telling them. And I looked for ways to help women come to their inner voices more quickly and predictably.

Reconnecting to your inner voice is one thing; staying connected is another. Living from your inner voice is in a great sense a matter of learning what, and what not, to pay attention to within yourself. In the process of doing therapy, I identified five distinct passageways to lead you back to your inner self again and again. I call these the Five Pathways to the Inner Voice. The first four are Knowing, Sensing, Feeling and Wanting. The fifth is the Voice of the Larger Self, the "spiritual guide" within. What comes from the Voice of the Larger Self is something quite remarkable: a quiet, clear message that seems to emanate from deep within your body, accompanied by an extraordinary sense of inner rightness and peace.

The techniques I describe to access these inner pathways are effective because they work with the grain of most women's natures. All the messengers of your inner self-your knowing, your sensing, your feelings, your wanting, and your larger self-are there to help you become more whole and live a life that's most rewarding to you.

Once you begin to trust them again and continue to do so, it becomes easier and easier to use them in your life. In every chapter except the first I've provided "innercizes" to access your inner voice based on the work that I do with my women clients. I think you'll find them useful and enjoyable.

I've divided this book into three sections. The first, The Inner Voice Experience, shows how women come to lose themselves and then shows how they reconnect with themselves again, re-experiencing the feeling that they lost of living from their inner voices. After learning what the inner voice is and some of the fundamentals about how to regain it, we then go back to explore in more detail what the outside voices are, how they function to block your inner voice, and what you can do to begin separating yourself from them so as to hear your inner being.

The second section of the book, Aligning with the Inside, teaches you, chapter by chapter, how to use each of the Five Pathways-Knowing, Sensing, Feeling, Wanting and the Voice of the Larger Self-to connect with your inner voice again and again. The third section, Living from Your Inner Voice, goes into more specific detail about how to use these principles to build a life of authenticity from your inner voice, first by being your true self in your intimate relationships, and then by bringing your inner visions into your life. Finally, I'll take a few pages to look at how to relate our inner voices to the larger world around us and the times that we live in.

I've aspired to write this book in a way that will evoke for you this very different way of feeling and being. To do this, I've included many stories from my therapy practice to help make these ideas come alive. Though the particulars of these women's lives have been changed to protect their privacy, and some stories are composites of several women's experiences, the feelings and words are true.

These women have generously allowed me to share their stories and feelings with you so that you can be there with them during the moments when they turned toward their inner voices, in the hope that their stories might awaken the inner voice within you. I invite you to notice as you read their experiences whether they affect the way you see your own.

You might wonder whether, in talking about living from your inner self, I'm suggesting you only listen to your inner self. Nothing could be further from the truth. Growing and developing as an adult means increasingly opening to the world around you and letting other people affect and change you. I would be just as concerned about a woman who never let other people affect her or change her mind as I would be about one who always let other people affect her. The more you feel anchored in your inner being and can validate your own opinions, feelings and desires, the more you can give to others and truly listen to others without fear of losing yourself.

This book can help you if you feel that you're doing more and more with less and less and feeling worse and worse about yourself; if you spend most of your day responding to what your boss, kids and husband want and wonder why you don't seem to know what you want; if you have had fleeting feelings of wanting to bring some inner vision or dream to life but immediately tell yourself to be "practical"; or if you yearn to close the gap between who you feel yourself to be on the inside and who you are on the outside. It also can help you if you are already following your own path in life and would like a guide and affirming companion to accompany you on your journey. Though this book deals a great deal with women's issues, much of this book can also help men of heart who'd like guidance on how to live from their authentic selves.

The message of this book is as simple as it is radical for women in any era: You can trust yourself, your feelings, your thoughts and desires, your own goodness and authority. Let the power of your own spirit guide you. The world literally needs you to find and live from your inner voice. Indeed, never has your inner voice been needed more.

Copyright © 2003 by Helene G. Brenner, published by Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., all rights reserved, reprinted with permission from the publisher.

About the Author

Helene Brenner, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist and the director of Women's Counseling and Psychological Services in Frederick and Bethesda, Maryland. She is a master therapist and seminar leader who has used the ideas and methods described in this book to help hundreds of women experience the fulfillment of living from their true selves and Inner Voices.