Why Do We Make Such Bad Decisions?!

Crunch Time
by Ken Lindner

(Page 2 of 5)

Ever since I became a career counselor, I've been stunned by how often bright and talented individuals make self-destructive and self-sabotaging decisions. It's absolutely amazing, and a profoundly sad reality.

I see examples of poisonous decision-making throughout my day. Witness the fact that so many people: stay in relationships that are diminishing and emotionally and/or psychologically toxic; smoke cigarettes, even though there is clear evidence that smoking is deadly to themselves and to others in the vicinity; take recreational drugs, such as heroin, crack, cocaine, etc., when they know that they are risking their health; overeat to an unhealthy extent or to the point of obesity; consume alcohol in dangerous amounts and/or drink and drive; have unprotected sex in this era of AIDS; and, most of all, engage in activities that they, in their Heart-of-Hearts, know are destructive and dangerous to the emotional, psychological, and physical well-being of themselves and valued others.

Destructive decision-making and self-sabotage are all around us. For example, is there a more blatant illustration of self-destructive behavior than the Kobe Bryant case? Kobe seemed to have everything going for him. He is a top professional basketball player; he earns millions of dollars a year in salary and more than ten times that in product endorsements; he has a beautiful young wife and a new child; and he was one of the most respected and beloved athletes of our time. For some reason, however, he made a decision that put all this at risk, for what appears to be an hour or so of physical pleasure. To the general observer, Kobe was "crazy" to have sex with the woman, regardless of consent. But I must tell you, Kobe Bryant is no different from any of us. At times, we all make flawed and self-destructive decisions - especially when our emotions come into play. The difference between Kobe and almost everyone else is that Kobe's destructive decision-making is front and center in the public spotlight, and his humiliation, potential losses, and fall from grace have been, and will be, far more dramatic than most.

What is especially interesting about Kobe is that in some areas of his life, such as his basketball endeavors, he has learned through focused practice and well-thought-out preparation to make excellent reflexive decisions. He knows when and how to dribble the ball past defenders and drive to the basket for a dunk or a layup, when to stop and shoot a jump shot, etc. Through focused practice and preparation, he has attained almost thorough mastery and control of his mental, emotional, and physical skills on the basketball court. However, when certain personal emotions, emotional weaknesses, needs, and/or temptations were involved or triggered - which he had not taken the requisite time to prepare to deal with constructively - Kobe, like all of us at one time or another, seemingly reacted thoughtlessly and reflexively by making a devastatingly destructive and self-sabotaging decision. Part of the problem is that when we're faced with important decisions, we often have little or no time to think things through objectively, in order to reach the most constructive short- and long-term decisions.

It has been my experience that the primary key to self-enhancing decision-making is to be mentally, emotionally, and psychologically prepared when decisions are required. This is especially true when the situation is triggered by particular emotions, needs, or cravings. Very often, we make bad decisions because we do not prepare ourselves, in advance, to deal with the possible, or probable, opportunities, issues, temptations, etc., that are likely to come our way.

Crunch Time provides you with the thought processes, the skills, and the Crunch Time Steps and Strategies that will prepare and empower you to make great personal and professional decisions. Equipped with this material, you can change and lift the quality of your life in the most wonderful and self-enhancing way, by making decisions that will enable you to fulfill your positive potential, achieve your dreams, and allow you to feel good - and often great - about yourself. These positive feelings, in turn, will motivate and fuel you to make more and more self-enhancing decisions. Why? Because you'll feel that you're worth it. And you most certainly are.

Just start making some self-enhancing decisions, and see how good you feel about yourself and your ability and power to constructively change and improve the quality of your life.

Before We Begin

At the beginning of our journey together, it's important to recognize and remember that should some of the ensuing material seem familiar or repetitious, don't fret. Many of us have at some time in our lives been to places where for some reason, we've not seen all there was to see or learned all there was to learn. Then again, sometimes seeing familiar things, situations, or individuals from another vantage point, in another context, or at a later time, can often be quite different and illuminating. Actually, it might not be until perhaps the second or third time around that we are truly ready and able to more fully appreciate someone or something for their previously overlooked real qualities and virtues. Therefore, throughout our trip together, we will utilize some familiar material as a reminder - in essence a refresher course - to help you get on, or back on, the right decision-making track.

Throughout my career, I have been exposed to many formulas for personal change and growth that rely upon the Band-Aid approach of simply changing our attitudes and our facades. In today's world of quick fixes and superficial solutions, these theories can appear very attractive. And they may work - when things are going well. But when crises hit, deep conflicts occur, and tough choices need to be made, these matchstick foundations often fall apart, our positive facades fade or crumble, and we tend to revert back to our old, reflexive, ineffective decision-making processes and strategies for dealing with problems. All of our resolve and resolutions go - as Paul Simon sang - "slip sliding away." The reason is: Formulas that change only facades basically focus upon changing the symptoms of our problems; they don't deal with and eradicate or alleviate their causes. We can't cure cancer with a spray of Bactine and a nice bandage. Deeper explorations and more intricate procedures and remedies are required.

Additionally, there are many self-help theories that deal exclusively and/or primarily with cerebral/cognitive solutions to behavioral problems. Therefore, they don't sufficiently deal with the all-important emotional aspects of the decision-making equation. As a result, these theories often fall short, because, as we all know, our emotions often override our better judgment. Crunch Time focuses on both the cerebral and the emotional components of decision-making and behavior. The material presented herein acknowledges the awesome influence that our emotions can have on our decision-making. However, through various anticipatory, preparatory, and destructive-emotion nullifying steps, the powerful force of negative emotions that often lead us to reach self-destructive decisions can be counteracted or vitiated.

If we are to lead healthier, more constructively productive lives, and make them great; if we are to come close to fulfilling our true potential; and if we are to achieve our most cherished and precious goals, we must go to the heart of our problems, and understand them and deal with them. We must reevaluate and rebuild our decision-making foundations and processes, and solidly reinforce them with the "internal goods" that will actually allow us to attain our goals and fulfill our dreams, and continue to enjoy them over time.

The means by which we can take constructive ownership of our lives lies in how we reach our decisions.

Daniel Goleman, in his popular book Emotional Intelligence, writes that individuals with a high intelligence quotient (IQ), aren't always the most successful navigators of real-life situations, because some of them seemingly lack the emotional intelligence of other more emotionally developed and streetwise individuals. Crunch Time takes Mr. Goleman's book a step or two further, explaining and illustrating how you can become more emotionally intelligent (and, as a result, more self-fulfilled), by learning to make wiser, more constructive, and more self-enhancing decisions. In essence, the material in this book will equip you with the decision-making skills and Strategies that will help you to fulfill your great potential. The explanation is simple: If you can make constructive and self-enhancing decisions time after time, you put yourself in the best position to achieve your goals and fulfill your dreams.

Crunch Time is divided into three sections. The first identifies and discusses decision-making terms and concepts. These are the essential mental, psychological, and emotional building blocks that form the foundation for making constructive and self-enhancing decisions.

Section two is an in-depth study of "The Eight Crunch Time Steps" for making constructive decisions. This section also presents the "Crunch Time Decision-Making Strategies" (hereafter referred to as either "Crunch Time Strategies" or "Strategies"), as well as Strategy bullet-points called "Strata-Gems." These Strategies and Strata-Gems have, with great consistency and efficacy, led me and my clients to make enhancing and success-evoking decisions.

Throughout Crunch Time, there are stories involving my clients to help you more fully visualize and absorb the points presented in each chapter.

Ready to begin feeling great about yourself and your decisions?

Copyright © 2005 Ken Lindner

About the Author

Ken Lindner has represented hundreds of the country's most prominent anchors and reporters, including Matt Lauer, Elizabeth Vargas, Lester Holt, and Paula Zahn. A magna cum laude graduate of Harvard, he worked as an attorney for the William Morris Agency before founding Ken Lindner & Associates.