First Lady-Like Impressions: How Not to Be an Interchangeable Woman

What Would Jackie Do?
by Shelly Branch, Sue Callaway

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'You can polish, arrange, fix, but you cannot fool people.
Jackie was a total woman, not like anybody else you know.
It wasn't sex appeal, it was magnetism.'

MANOLO BLAHNIK, SHOE DESIGNER

It's important to be more than witty, pretty, and splendidly turned out. And who cares if you make a swell crowd-pleaser, or man teaser? If you are content to be a like-kind, same-this-or-that chick, ready and willing to swap lipsticks, secrets, jobs men! with the next gal, then you risk being an Interchangeable Woman.

An Interchangeable Woman is neither memorable nor original. She talks a lot and may even have an MBA yet manages to say precious little. Her gym membership is active, and it shows, but her sense of self is altogether weak. She is quick to please, slow to question, and often overstays her welcome (especially where men are concerned). She uses the word 'me' too much, and hasn't a clue that others find her redundant.

This shall not be you.

If you take away but a single pearl from Jackie's life, let it be this: Never be mistaken for an IW. Jackie had many enviable qualities, and she was certainly a master practitioner of feminine ways. Yet she disdained 'empty-headed women' who gabbed about manicures, and even in youth dreaded the company of those who 'just giggle and are snippy and mean and sort of dumb.' As for women who fling themselves at the other sex? Ugh. The world is overpopulated by such creatures, so she and you wouldn't want to be one.

Never hasten to the side of those who haven't earned the pleasure of your company. Don't be too anxious to lend your charms and talents to folks who don't appreciate them. Always keep people guessing, carefully rationing your clever bits. Deviate from the mean, putting your special spin on everything from Kafka to Catholicism. And if you do decide to be a joiner to a club, a cause, a relationship ad-lib your own rules.

During her courtship with JFK, Jackie showed the Kennedy clan just how determined she was to not be an IW even under seemingly benign circumstances. It was 1953, and the young Ms. Bouvier was still taking her first bows with the family. Ethel Kennedy had decided to have a St. Patrick's Day party and gave the guests a single directive: Wear black. Suspecting trouble and whiffing, no doubt, the danger of being perceived as an IW Jackie arrived, in black garb, yes, but with more colorful tricks up her sleeve.

Ethel, sure enough, made her entrance in a brilliant emerald gown, reducing the other women to IWs. Canny Jackie triumphed, though, when she showed up last in a chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce and kept it purring by the curb for all to see. (The message: 'I've got other places to go. . . .') So as not to be confused with the IWs, she did little mingling and instead held court before the fireplace. She also made sure to depart early, apologizing for a 'dreadful headache,' before stealing au revoirs with each dazzled guest. Sliding into the Rolls as they all watched, a mysterious Jackie lowered her window to wave good-bye blowing away any notions that she was an Interchangeable Woman.

A few ways to avoid the IW moniker:

Be riveted, not just riveting. When you turn your attention to others, especially new acquaintances, be more than polite. Be truly (if briefly) engaged and grant everyone, even buffoons, a gracious nod or two. Jackie 'never in public let people know she did not like them,' recalled art critic John Russell. 'People always went away thinking, 'She quite liked me, yes, she was impressed by me.' It was a very endearing quality.'

Strut on an invisible red carpet. Just look around you, at all the slumping bodies! The 'society slouch' (i.e., a bored, insouciant hunch) may from time to time find trendy reprisal, but remember, the concave look doesn't become most of us, even the most richly adorned. To stand taller, pretend there is a red carpet before you at all times, and that people are watching. If you look at some old pictures of Jackie, you can almost imagine her doing precisely this.

Do a reflexive roll call. Some IWs have a neat trick of failing to remember names especially those of other women. This is not only rude, but it robs them of the chance to maneuver around a cocktail party or a conference. Jackie learned the value of the personal greeting well before her White House days. This salutatory skill shows that you are a worldly sort that indeed you know everyone! even if you've only recently met.

Pump up small talk. You've been in situations where the conversation was way below base. What did you do to lift it? The herd mentality often causes IWs to go mute, or nod in unison. When this happens, you might nonchalantly ask who's been to Afghanistan lately.

Celebrate selectively. Don't be a fixture at trendy clubs, bars, and other IW hangouts, no matter how popular or 'exclusive' they are. This is simply another version of being too available something Jackie's father warned her against at a very early age. It also distinctly contradicts her rule to be unpredictable, mysterious.

Be a go-to girl. When it comes to the rules of social engagement, you're better off in many cases by letting others supplicate. Never beg for an invitation to a swank dinner, for instance, or plead to be on a certain man's arm. A mere whiff of desperation is unbecoming.

Copyright © 2005 Shelly Branch, Sue Callaway.

About the Author

Shelly Branch is an editor at The Wall Street Journal, where she also writes on retail, fashion, and pop culture. She was a staff writer at Fortune and Money, and has contributed to numerous other national publications. She lives in New York City.

Sue Callaway has been an editor at Fortune, Esquire, and Men's Journal. She has also served as general manager of Jaguar Cars U.S. and as director of marketing for Ford's luxury brands. She lives in Laguna Beach, California, with her husband and two children.