How to Introduce Yourself

The Art of Civilized Conversation: A Guide to Expressing Yourself With Style and Grace
by Margaret Shepherd, Sharon Hogan

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Dr. Livingstone, I presume?

—Sir Henry Morton Stanley, How I Found Livingstone, 1871

To introduce yourself to a new person, you can start with "Hello. My name is Sally" or "I'm Sally (or Sally Suave)" or "I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Sally." In a group, a handshake plus your name is acceptable.

People you don't know are not a big, amorphous crowd of strangers. Although in a group they may seem like an imposing solid brick wall, it may be better to think of a crowd as a wall of individual windows that can each offer you a different view of life. If you follow the many tips and small strategies contained in this book, even self-introduction can be a pleasure.

When you introduce yourself by saying your own name, don't use your title. Even if other people call you Mrs. Murray, introduce yourself as Eleanor Murray or Eleanor. However, with children who need help knowing what to call you, you can introduce yourself as Aunt Eleanor or Grandma Ellie if you want them to call you that.

A teacher introduces himself to his students with the title he would like them to use—Mr. Goodge or Dr. Goodge—but writes his whole name on the board: George Goodge. In intellectual circles, an inverse snobbery restrains professors from injecting their titles into introductions ("Hello, I'm Fred Mayhem"), though others may add them ("Hello, Dr. Mayhem.")

You will be on safe ground if you address both current and retired military, ambassadorial, clerical, and judicial people by their profession (Colonel Smith, Ambassador Smith, Reverend Smith, Father Smith, Justice Smith) or simply "sir" or "ma'am" until you are very sure of protocol in their worlds. When in doubt, ask. Aristocratic titles may call for a quick check of the etiquette books.

After you have said hello and your name, you may wish to expand on your introduction with pleasantries such as "Good to see you," "Nice to meet you," or "Nice to see you again."

If another person is introducing you, just make eye contact and offer to shake hands when you are being introduced. If your introducer has mangled your name, say it again clearly for your new acquaintance.

If you aren't clear of the other person's name, as you say something along the lines of "Nice to meet you," say the name again with an inquiring expression to let him or her correct what you think you heard. If you want to start right in on a first-name basis, just repeat your first name.

Once the other person has introduced himself, use the person's title and last name (e.g., Mr. Smith) until you are invited to be on a first-name basis.

to reintroduce yourself to a brief former acquaintance (if you do not remember the person's name), say "Hello. My name is ___ ." Then the person will most likely respond with his or her name. If not, you can say "I remember you, but I've forgotten your name," or "You may not remember me; I'm Rafik." Always reintroduce yourself to young children who may have forgotten which one of the grown-ups you are in the interval since they saw you last.

If you wish to introduce yourself to someone who is of greater status or age, simply use good manners: "Good morning, sir. My name is Matt Frieberg; I'm your wife's student."

If you are the person with higher status, pay attention to the person who has made the effort to introduce himself to you. You, too, should use your best manners and be civilized. Don't let a seemingly unimportant person turn you into a snob. My English-born father often told of a conversation he'd overheard: A humble young academic who was visiting a hidebound English university skirted protocol and had the gall to introduce himself to a professor at a gathering (rather than wait for a mutual friend to introduce them). "Good afternoon, sir, my name is Eric Kincaid," he said as he extended his hand. "Oh, really?" drawled the older man in his best upper-crust Etonian voice, and then he turned away.

A truly great human being does not commit cruelty by being uncivil to a person with lesser status. Give everyone you chance to meet at least three minutes of your time and attention. Be kind.

How to Remember Names

A gifted conversationalist seems to remember every name, every time. With a little help and some practice, you can too.

1. Gather your wits before you meet a new group of people. If you can, do your homework ahead of time with a list of names that you will then connect to faces.

2. When you are introduced, pay attention to the other person's name. Say it out loud as you make eye contact, say it at least once during the conversation, and say it again when you part.

3. Say the name over a few times in your mind and link it to a visual image: if her name is Mary Jane, imagine her wearing Mary Jane shoes. Or connect the person with others who have that name; visualize the Ben Lincoln you've just met standing next to Abe Lincoln.

4. Use rhyming: "Tall Paul" or "Nate the waiter." (Just don't say it out loud.)

5. Follow up. Reinforce your memory by looking at his name tag, asking him for a card, and writing his name down as soon as you get home.

How to Introduce Others

A senator once took Will Rogers to the White House to meet President Coolidge. Inside the Oval Office, the senator introduced the two men. "Will Rogers," he said, "I'd like you to meet President Coolidge."

Deadpan, Rogers quipped, "I'm sorry, but I didn't catch the name."

—Steve Goodier, Joy Along the Way, 2002

Another way to initiate a courteous conversation is to be attentive to occasions when introductions are in order. When you find yourself in a group of people who require introductions, first say the name of the woman, the older person, or the higher-ranking person. Repeat this rule over and over, and rehearse it with a friend if it is a stumbling point: the lady, the elder, or the honored person comes first. For example:

Mom, this is my friend Matt Chang. Matt, this is my mother, Lynda Weber.

(Matt's response will be "Hello, Mrs. [or Ms.] Weber" or "Hello, Lynda [if you said only her first name].")

Copyright © 2005 by Margaret Shepherd. Excerpted by permission of Broadway, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

About the Author

Margaret Shepherd is a writer, calligrapher, and teacher. In addition to The Art of the Handwritten Note, she has written thirteen books on calligraphy. Each year she speaks at MIT's "charm school" about the importance of gracious communication. She lives in Boston.

Sharon Hogan writes books on topics that range from aging to dog training. She enjoys civilized conversations with other authors about book concepts, and she leads workshops on nonfiction writing for physicians. She lives near Boston.