How To Use This Libro

The Latina's Bible
by Sandra Guzmán

(Page 4 of 4)

I first dreamed of having a book like this to turn to when I was in my teens. I felt that the Church was stifling me, I had ongoing battles with my mom, and I wanted to do all the normal things my non-Latina friends were doing: hanging out, dating, and wearing what my mom considered wild clothes. I felt as if I was different from everyone, all alone, and I wished there were a book to show me I wasn't; to show me that I was one of many, and that I belonged. This is the book I wished for.

In it, I share my experiences, the experiences of other Latinas, and the "rules" I've come up with for living a rich and rewarding Latina life. There's no "right way" to read this book: you can pick and choose chapters that interest you most or read from cover to cover. Along the way, you will find inspiring quotes, sidebars, quizzes, and interesting information about our Latino and Latina population. I suggest that you have a pen handy for making notes, and don't be afraid to write in this book. Make it yours by highlighting, underlining, and circling anything you want. Many of us don't write in our books because that was a cardinal rule in our public school days, but mija, this book is yours, for growth, for fun, and for reference. You can also keep a journal while reading it — there's no better way to see yourself grow than when you put pen to paper and reflect on your life. Because your Latina experience, like mine, is unique, this book can only guide you to the path of understanding and relishing that experience; only you can make the experience your own.

You will also find recipes, remedios, and baños of all sorts included in the various chapters. Many of these home remedies were shared by viejitas, vecinas, friends, and family members alive and gone, so I've given these recetas the names of the women who shared them with me. (Check out Fragancia's hair-growth recipe on page 71, which uses shoe sole and cinnamon. I know it sounds gross, but I've used it and it works!) There are also source lists and references to books I love, all at your fingertips. There are many regional and universal Spanish words and dichos peppered throughout the text. You know that there are some things that only Spanish can capture — those wonderful "abuela-isms" and bits of folk wisdom we all grew up with.

The first chapter of this "bible" is all about the generation gap between our parents — especially our mothers — and us, their grown-up, independent, and "gringa" hijas. If your mother is still alive, then you know how much Latina mothers meddle in their daughters' lives. You understand how challenging it can be to choose a lifestyle that may be very different from what they expect or want for us, and you know the role that "el que dirán," or "what will they say," plays in their lives, and thus, yours. You've probably wondered at least once how you can be true to yourself without having to ban your disapproving mother (father, familia) from your life. And while most of us ultimately survive the pressures of acculturation, a growing number of teenage Latinas feel themselves alone, not understood by their families and the larger society. This chapter addresses all these issues and offers suggestions for dealing with them; it also relates stories of women who've dealt with this, and what worked for them.

The second chapter explores the subject of beauty. Yes, Latinas are beautiful, not just in the racial and ethnic diversity I mentioned earlier but also in our much-imitated and admired sense of estilo. Yet so many of us still grow up feeling ugly. This chapter looks at the ways our sense of our own beauty is undermined and offers perspectives to help you fill in those potholes in your self-esteem. You also get my six-step soulful beauty makeover, an easy, do-it-yourself beauty treatment that works from the inside out and the outside in.

The third chapter is all about our health. Did you know that the more time we spend in this country, the worse our collective health gets? We top the charts for obesity, sexually transmitted diseases, and cancer, and it's all related to cultural taboos and lifestyle choices. Luckily, each of us has the power to change, and this chapter offers a gift basket of tried-and-true ways to make those changes. I'm living proof that they work, and if you aren't yet, you will be soon.

The fourth chapter, on friendship, is one of my favorites. One way to soften the blows and overcome the challenges we encounter is to surround ourselves with a strong network of Latina friends. This chapter helps you start a Latina "talk circle" in your city or town. My group is called LIPS — short for Latinas In Power, Sort of. What will you call your grupito?

Chapter 5 is called "Centering Your Soul: Spirituality Latina Style." Religion and spirituality are at the center of every Latino family, but so much has changed in the way that we, las nuevas latinas, practice religion. Do you have an altar? Have you forgotten what virgencita you should pray to if you want that job? Is your spiritual path far from the mainstream? Check out the fascinating sidebars that address the concerns of our spiritual lives.

Now, I know that most of you don't need my help in the dating scene. After all, it's true what they say: we are Latin lovers. We know how to catch and keep a good man. But I felt that it was important to let it be known that we do have our own dating rules in the barrio. So read chapter 6, "Secrets of Latina Dating," and let me know if I have missed any of your favorites.

Sexuality plays a big role in our lives, and yet as a community, talking openly and honestly about sex is still a rare occurrence in our families. If your mother was like mine, this topic, the subject of chapter 7, was never discussed except for the expectation that I had to remain a virgin until marriage. My vagina was always referred to by a euphemism. Check out the sidebar of the cuchie euphemisms gathered from all over the Spanish Americas! Do popina, totito, or la cosita ring a bell? In addition, because I feel so strongly that we must start to demystify our vaginas, I included another list of street cuchie names in each of our Latin American countries. My mother thought I was being very sucia when she overheard a conversation between my sister Mari and me about this sidebar. Mom cautioned that I should be a little more sofisticada. But that is the precisely my point, that we should be able to demystify and talk about our vaginas sin vergüenza or apologies.

Ay, Dios mio, on love and relationships there is so much to discuss, and I do that in chapter 8. I know that most of our struggles as Nueva Latinas center around relationships with our mates. As Mexican author Angeles Mastretta writes, intelligent women fall in love the way all women do — like complete idiots. The sirvienta we didn't know we were comes out too! Yes, I have been there. Have you? However, we have made new rules. And just like there are Nueva Latinas living la vida buena out there, there are our counterparts, this beast I call the Nuevo Latino. These Hispanic men have broken tradition and become partners of their Latina girlfriends and wives. Just as we have had to relearn and discard those stifling gender politics about where las mujeres belong, so too have many of our Latino brothers.

If you are part of the growing number of Latinas who are dating (or married) outside la raza, then chapter 9 is for you. Make sure you give your non-Latino papi chulo this quiz.

Chapter 10 is chock-full of information to help you find professional success. Do you have trouble challenging authority? I did, and this is but one of the self-imposed cultural complejos that can stymie our careers. So, go ahead: check out how you ask for that raise and promotion without shame.

Chapter 11, on going home, is really about the importance of reconnecting with your homeland — whether this land is now part of the United States or somewhere south of the border or the in the Spanish-speaking Caribbean islands. The land has a special way of allowing for profound spiritual connections. In addition, it allows you to explain yourself better to those who will undoubtedly ask, "So, where are you from?"

Finally, the last chapter is an ode to our little Latina girls. As I look at how much we have accomplished, I can only be saddened by the statistics that place our younger hermanitas in a cycle of teenage pregnancy, and by high school dropout charts. If each of us gives back a little of our time to one Latina girl who needs to know a real-life role model, then each of us is helping in their future and our collective Latino future.

It is my hope that this book is one you will share and grow with. Whenever you get that feeling of Damn, this is hard, I feel so alone, pick up this book. I guarantee you'll find that it addresses what you're dealing with, offers you tried-and-true suggestions, and steers you to other sources of help. Let this book offer you comfort in the knowledge that you, this Latina who lives simultaneously in two worlds, have a sister and a sisterhood of hermanas who share your challenges, frustrations, and joys.

While the specifics of your life and mine can't possibly be the same, you'll find that many of the thoughts, experiences, and feelings are; I hope you'll focus on what we share. I don't mind at all when people think I'm Mexican, Dominican, Cuban, Colombian, Chicana, Ecuadorian, Peruvian, Salvadorean, and so on — just like my son with the pie-eating champ, I'm much more interested in what we have in common than where we differ. If we look past the surface, we can all see deep parts of ourselves in one another.

So I encourage you to read with your heart. Some women have shared their lives with me on the condition that their names remain anonymous; many of their stories deal with issues still shrouded in taboo. I respected the anonymity and encouraged them to tell others about their experiences. Read with your heart, and I promise you that you will recognize parts of our collective story in your own life.

One last warning: Sometimes this book digs into subjects that "good" Latina girls aren't supposed to talk about. If these subjects generate sparks, I hope they light a flame of conversation, of caring dialogue between you and your family, friends, and lovers. Because as much as we're a culture of talkers, I don't believe we talk enough about what matters most. In the middle of all the lively chatter, there is a culture of silencio, a refusal to talk about painful or embarrassing parts of our past. The intention of the silence is rarely to cause hurt, but secrets only make hurt go deeper. Let's start talking with one another, really talking. Let this book and its "rules" be your mentor, your amiga, and your hermana — and let us show the world that what they've seen of the Nueva Latina so far is just the tip of the iceberg!

Pa' lante, Orale — and go on, girl!

Copyright © 2002 by Sandra Guzman. Excerpted by permission of Three Rivers Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

About the Author

Sandra Guzmán, an Emmy Award-winning television journalist, is the former editor-in-chief of Latina magazine. A popular speaker, Sandra also worked as a producer at Telemundo and at the Fox television network.