Learn how to crack the love code and enjoy an honest, open, and fulfilling relationship with the right partner.

Following outdated "rules" or listening to relationship gurus who encourage flirting, tantalizing, and deceiving a partner won't help you find and keep real love. So who can you turn to for the answers? Janet O'Neal-"The Love Coach" — has helped thousands of people find that special someone, and in Cracking the Love Code, she provides a step-by-step plan for creating a mutually satisfying, committed relationship. Her realistic, up-to-date approach, comprising straightforward advice and eye-opening information, will benefit everyone, whether you want to walk down the aisle or simply stroll on a moonlit beach.

O'Neal knows there are no shortcuts on the road to a successful relationship. To get there can be fun and exhilarating, as well as difficult and confusing. To help you on the journey, she offers the "Six Cs," six principles that should be the foundation of a trusting, healthy relationship. And because love is not a one-way street, O'Neal discusses not only how to find the best partner but how to be a good partner, beginning with:

• CONCEIVING: What do you want from a partner? What do you have to offer? Setting short- and long-term goals for a relationship, whether or not you're already involved.

• CONTENTMENT: The top seven needs of men and women; how to have yours satisfied; how to meet your partner's.

• CONNECTING: Turn-ons and turn-offs on dates; spotting "critical flaws" in potential partners; practicing connection skills.

• CHEMISTRY: The ten biggest sexual turn-ons and turn-offs for women and men; questions to address before physical intimacy; how to achieve and maintain a satisfying sex life.

• CONVICTION: Knowing when and if a person is right for you and what to do if you're not sure. Plus: Take the compatibility test and see how you score!

• COMMITMENT: Resolving commitment fears; are you prepared to commit? Take the questionnaire and find out.

Complete with numerous exercises and quizzes to help you make the right choices at every stage, Cracking the Love Code will enlighten anyone ready for real love — it's a hopeful yet practical guide to creating the relationship of your dreams.

Chemistry is the elusive quality that separates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. It's the special attraction, the magical essence that makes us want to have sex with a particular person, to blend and be one with that person. Because chemistry is such a powerful force, however, it has to be handled carefully.

Buck naked and scared silly?!?

If sex can be the glue that keeps even a bad relationship alive, it can also, ironically, be the death of a good relationship, if the timing isn't right. For years movies and novels have given us variations of the "instant-fireworks" scenario, wherein two virtual strangers fall into bed together, have perfect sex, fall in love, and live happily ever after. There's no denying this makes a good story, but, having heard hundreds of stories from real couples, I can give you a much more likely scenario:

Imagine that you're with someone who's really pretty wonderful. There are no red flags popping up in your head, no signs that this person has critical flaws, no indication that sex with this individual would be a ghastly mistake. Quite the contrary — you've been out together a couple of times, things are going well between you, and the chemistry has hit full force. Everything seems quite natural. Maybe this truly is the perfect person for you.

So here you are, in bed together for the first time.

And suddenly you realize you are buck naked, staring straight into the eyes of somebody who is, for all practical purposes, a stranger. There you are, absolutely exposed to someone you really don't know at all, on the verge of participating in the most intimate act two human beings can possibly do together. So how do you feel? Romantic? Overwhelmed with passion?

No, more than likely you're scared silly — or, at the very least, you're feeling more than a little awkward or self-conscious. The bigger these negative feelings get, the less fun you're going to have.

If you're a woman, the effect can be an inability to achieve orgasm. It's difficult enough to be nude in front of somebody you scarcely know, but having a climax means truly giving up control. You can't do that if you're overwhelmed by feelings of doubt or fear or just plain awkwardness. You can't abandon yourself to passion if you don't feel safe with your partner. One result is that he may end up feeling inadequate. This is a less than ideal element to inject into a new relationship.

If you're a man, you may experience performance anxiety and difficulty in getting an erection, even though you're very attracted to the woman you're with. If you're too embarrassed to discuss it with her, to explain that you're merely nervous, the problem is compounded. She may feel you don't think she's attractive — and you know how sensitive women are about this matter.

In any case, what you are left with is a memory of an experience that is, at best, embarrassing, and at worst, can destroy your chances of building a good relationship. If the experience was frustrating, you're not going to want to take a chance on a repeat performance (or lack thereof). If it was embarrassing, you won't want to be confronted with someone who is a reminder of your discomfort.

And if you left your partner with either of you feeling even a little unsure about the experience, a whole new dynamic comes into play. Even if the sex was fantastic, it is normal to be more sensitized in that time right after you part company. ("Was I good? Did he/she really enjoy being with me? Did I make too much/too little noise?") The questions are endless, but they all are merely different ways of asking, "Am I safe with this person?" If you're not sure, you probably won't even call the person back, because you're afraid of what the answer might be.

The bottom line is that by having sex when you're not really ready, you can not only destroy the opportunity to build a wonderful relationship, but end up cheating yourself (and your partner) out of some really remarkable sex.

So, men or women, if you find that you have a tendency to become attracted to somebody on a physical level first, rein in those hormones and ask yourself where you are on the other two levels of attraction.

The Five Biggest Sexual Turn-Offs For Men:

1. A sexually unresponsive woman. A man hates having sex with a woman who doesn't act as if she is enjoying having sex with him. The days when women were expected not to enjoy sex, when Queen Victoria advised her daughter to "just lie back and think of England," are long gone. Men are no longer happy with a woman who merely submits. Having sex with an unresponsive partner is like dancing alone; it's just not very satisfying, and it makes a man feel foolish. A man wants an active partner who enjoys having sex with him, and who lets him know that he's giving her pleasure.

2. A woman who never initiates sex. If a woman never initiates sex, the man doesn't feel wanted or desirable and, if he doesn't feel wanted or desirable, he probably isn't going to stick around. However, there is a big difference between initiating sex and demanding it. In fact if you're a woman you probably understand this distinction very well: think of the difference between a man who lets you know he wants you and a man who lets you know that he expects you to have sex with him. (Does the old word duty ring an ugly bell?)

Excerpted from Cracking the Love Code by Janet O'Neal. Excerpted by permission of Broadway, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Tags: Love, Attraction and Flirting, Finding Love and Soulmate

About the Author

Janet O'Neal founded Friend Connection, the most successful independent video dating service in the country. For over ten years, she has worked one on one with thousands of clients. A frequent guest on television and radio shows, O'Neal lives in Houston, Texas.