Good choice # 1

10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women's Lives
by Grace Cornish, Ph.D.

It's time to take back your power and make choices that will help you live a fuller, happier, and more productive life!

With her national bestseller, 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women's Lives, beloved television personality, lecturer, and author Dr. Grace Cornish wrote a self-help classic for black women who want to rid themselves of the baggage that's dragging them down. Now Dr. Grace shows readers not only how to heal their romantic relationships, but also how to incorporate new, empowering good choices into every aspect of their lives. This inspiring and insightful book outlines ten positive choices that will help black women move onward and upward, including:

• Embracing the skin you're in
• Accepting "better love," not "bitter love"
• Turning stumbling blocks into stepping stones
• Taking calculated chances

Full of anecdotes from her clients, friends, and fans, 10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women's Lives is Dr. Grace's tried-and-true prescription for finding renewed success, happiness, and peace of mind.

She is also a regular on Good Day, New York.

Chapter 1

Embracing the Skin You're In

"I am black and comely . . . because the sun hath looked upon me."

— Song of Solomon 1:5,6

Is a red rose more beautiful than a yellow one? Or a white rose prettier than a pink? Who can be the judge of which is more valuable?

Just as roses vary in their beauty, so do women. Whether white, black, Hispanic, Indian, or Asian, all are beautiful. People may have individual preferences, but to compare one type of beauty to another is simply ridiculous. There is no set standard for flowers, and there should be none for women. . . . Now, wouldn't it be great if life were a bed of roses? As we all know, this is not the case.

Several years ago, while I was a professional beauty image consultant, I presented my work in Lyons, France. My portfolio reflected a rainbow of women varying in shades, sizes, and shapes. One afternoon, while showing my portfolio to couture designer Maurice G., he remarked, "Mademoiselle Grace, I've always believed we have the most beautiful women in France, but these American women — they are very gorgeous. I think I'll move to America!"

At first I laughed because I found his expression humorous. I then thought about the underlying message and responded in a serious tone, "Monsieur G., beauty is where you look for it. All women are beautiful. With no disrespect, as a couture designer you ought to know one can find a woman's beauty by creating styles that suit her best. This enhances her natural beauty, no matter where on the globe she is located."

I cannot blame him for his thinking because he had been conditioned that way. As a mainstream designer, he was used to working with high-fashion models. He thought only these women had any claim to beauty. Can you imagine, sis? Less than one percent of the total population are selected as "models," so the remaining 99 percent can aspire to look like them. Is this nonsense or what?

This selection is made is made by a few corporations, modeling agencies, and fashion publications. The world of high-fashion modeling is a large moneymaking industry. I give these women credit for being able to succeed at it. For many young girls and women, however, the practice of having just one narrow definition of beauty causes pain, lack of self-esteem, and insecurity.

What's especially distasteful is that black women in particular are disrespected this way more than any other ethnic group in the United States. How unconscionable it is for anyone to discriminate against a certain sector of the population, just because the Creator has colored their skins with various shades of beautiful brown. Many sisters have negative feelings about their brown skin because of problems, discomforts, and false standards that Western society forces on them. Because of racial prejudice, we have undergone much suffering, oppression, and even bloodshed. But the truth is, the melanin that gives us our lovely brown tint is a magnificent chemical.

One major contributor to the self-sabotage of black women is the scarcity of self-affirming images of beautiful sisters in television and other mainstream media. In an article in Essence entitled, "Where Have All the Black Models Gone?" supermodel Veronica Webb wrote, "Clearly the black model is the subject of a 'disappearing act.'" Katie Ford, CEO of Ford Models, affirmed this frightening fact: "Yes, I agree that this is a totally blond season." She admitted, "It's a trend started by designers like Prada and Gucci. If you're a brunette, it's hard to get on the runway." "Think about where that left us as black models," Webb pleaded. "At least white brunettes could turn to a bottle of peroxide."

Excerpted from 10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women's Lives by Dr. Grace Cornish. Excerpted by permission of Three Rivers Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

About the Author

Dr. Grace Cornish is a psychologist, businesswoman, and author of Radiant Women of Color and 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women's Lives. She is a much-sought-after guest on the TV talk-show circuit and has appeared on numerous programs, including The Queen Latifah Show, Ricki Lake, and The Montel Williams Show.