Smart Tools

The Accidental Housewife
by Julie Edelman

(Page 2 of 2)

This has a few meanings. The first is being smart about buying tools that will help you do any of your cleaning tasks easily and with little toll on your body. These smart tools include all the disposable wipes, sprays, brushes, mops, scents, and so on. They also include lightweight stick vacuums that can be easily carried about and stored for The Cosmetic Clean. For those who are interested in buying a larger, all-purpose vacuum or are in need of one for The Big Clean, you should check out The Accidental Housewife's Buyer's Guide to Vacuums on page 11.

The other meaning of smart relates to tools that are actually called "smart" or "intelligent." These are robotic helpers that require you to push a button or two to use them. Then you can sit back, watch the tool work for you, or take a snooze. There are many models out there and you'll want to try to determine which best suits your needs and your wallet. Two to consider are the pocketbook-friendly and expensive IRobot Roomba series (www.irobot.com) and the more sophisticated Electrolux Trilobite (www.electrolux.com). And, coming soon to a McMansion near you, is the future-friendly and pricey humanoid variety: NUVO (www.nuvo.jp). Its creators boast that it walks, talks, takes pictures, and will laugh at your jokes whether they're funny or not. But can it do windows is my question. When it can do that and make my favorite cup of coffee it will be a truly smart tool.

Portable Schlep Vehicle

Our goal is to make cleaning convenient, brainless, and schlep-free. So in addition to the rubber gloves, feather duster, and portable stick vacuum you should buy at least two easy-to-transport "schlep vehicles" that can hold your main cleaning stuff. These should be stored fully stocked near your high-traffic, high-visibility areas. Consider colorful buckets or baskets with comfy handles, a tool belt, a caddie (as in tool, not golf!), a mini wagon, or whatever "schlep vehicle" works best for you. Some convenient places to store them include:

• Under the bathroom sink
• Under the kitchen sink
• In the family or living room closet

The Accidental Housewife's Buyer's Guide

Vacuums

We've already established that sometime this century you or a D.A. is going to do The Big Clean, which means you're going to need a real vacuum. Think of it like buying a car in terms of style, model, color, size of engine, and you're halfway there! So, with that in mind, some practical tips from my local vacuum store guru Ben and a few accidental housewifely considerations, your guide follows.

According to Ben, the first thing you should do is decide what kind of model you like and what you're going to use it for the most. Model choices do not include portable, cordless, handheld, stick, or broom styles. Ben considers these "toys" and not for the serious vacuumer, which is exactly why they're included in The Cosmetic Clean's Stuff You May Have to Buy list on page 8.

Canister vs. Upright

Fortunately you only have to consider two models: canister and upright. In the old days canisters were considered best for bare floors, stairs, and drapes. Uprights were considered best for rugs and wall-to-wall. But as time goes on, the differences between the two have become less obvious. All the major manufacturers like Miele, Seba, Hoover, Electrolux, Eureka, and Bosch have models that do just about everything at a variety of price points.

Another option is to put in your very own central vacuum system with all the bells and whistles you want. Of course this option may suck up your bank account in addition to the dirt on your floors.

Once you determine whether you prefer canister or upright think about the following:

• Surface: Are you going to use it on hardwood, carpet, or other floor type/covering?

• Construction/Durability: Plastic or metal

• Versatility: Does it work on any kind of floor without special attachments? What is the hose length? — length matters! Does it have tools for vacuuming couches, drapes, etc.?

• Power: How much sucking up do you need?

• Bag or bagless (See All in the Bag below.)

• Ease to change bags

• Noisiness

• Size: Will it fit in your closet?

• Weight: Is it hard to lug around?

• Sturdiness: Will it withstand your banging into walls?

• Design/Color

• Special features: Do you need a dust sensor? (Are your eyes not good enough?); Shampooing option; does it have soft hair or vinyl brushes? FYI: Ben says horsehair's the way to go.

• Blow-drying capability: Can you use it to dry your hair?

• Warranty: 3-year minimum recommended

• Price

All in the Bag: Bagless vs. Bag Vacuums

Ben is very passionate about vacuums and he is vehement about not buying bagless vacuums. He says they're messy to empty since unless you're standing directly over the garbage some of the dirt always misses the can. Also, bagless vacuums mean that the dirt's flying all around inside, clogging the filters, which can result in mold and a need to change them more often. To an accidental housewife this is a no-no, since it will mean more cleaning, more filter changes, and spending more money.

On the other hand, Ben loves vacuums that require bags and recommends using only HEPA (High Efficiency Particulate Air) filter bags. They're particularly good for folks with allergies since they trap all those dust mites lurking about and let clean air through. Of course like everything else there are different types available, but Ben's pick is hospital-grade filters, since they're soft and trap the most stuff.

Whether you decide to go bagless or with the bag you'll be spending money on filters or bags. So my accidental advice is to go with the HEPA and take advantage of the mindless health benefits you'll reap. You'll also make Ben very happy!

A Few More Things

• Take a test drive: Go to a major retailer like Sears or Best Buy, since they carry most models, and try a few out to see which is most comfy for you.

• Don't wash your filters: Washing vacuum filters is a no-no — it can cause them to shrink or fall apart, or reduce their ability to trap the dirt, since the filter's fibers can stretch out.

• More features, more problems: Just because a vacuum has lots of different features doesn't automatically mean it's a better machine. In fact, more features mean more things can go wrong. On the flip side Ben believes that you should buy a more expensive machine that has select features, since they're built to last and generally come with a longer warranty. REMEMBER: Ben makes his living from selling vacuums, so take this advice with that in mind.

The Areas You Gotta Clean

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like, how did my mother know that?

— Wendy Liebman

In the beginning of this chapter you learned that the Numero Uno Cleaning Rule is to Focus First on High-Traffic, High-Visibility Areas. As a reminder, these are the bathroom (those used most often), the kitchen, and major living spaces. Now you'll learn how to clean them without much muss or fuss. As for what time of day is best, I find that right after I've had a cup of coffee and am not in a rush to get dressed, take my son to school, or go to a meeting works well for me, but the key is doing it when you're in the mood and not under the gun. As for when you'll need to move from The Cosmetic Clean to The Big Clean — that will depend on several factors, some of which were mentioned earlier, including:

• Number of folks in your household (the more there are the more quickly it will get dirty)
• Comfort level with dirt
• Amount of company you have
• How much you're home
• Ability to afford a D.A.

Before getting to the first area you gotta clean — the bathroom — I'd like to share a personal tale that has its roots in this room, sort of.

Copyright © 2006 by Julie Edelman. Excerpted by permission of Ballantine Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.