Where We're Headed

Marriage Mentor Training Manual for Wives
by Les Parrott III, Ph.D., Dr. Leslie Parrott

(Page 2 of 3)

Before beginning a new journey, it's always helpful to chart the course. So let's survey the territory ahead.

Here, in session 1, we are merely giving you a few suggestions on how to use these marriage mentoring resources effectively.

In session 2, we paint a big picture of marriage mentoring. In other words, we make sure you understand "the concept" and how it works.

In session 3, we roll up our proverbial sleeves and take a good look at how your gender — as a woman — impacts the marriage mentoring process. You see, what you bring to this process, by virtue of your biology, is different from what your husband brings to it.

In sessions 4 - 9, we teach you the time-tested skills you'll need as you work with your mentorees. These skills are universal, applicable to any and every age and stage of marriage, whether you are mentoring newlyweds or couples in distress.

Finally, in session 10, we help you hone your personal marriage mentoring style by having you explore the three "mentor tracks" to see which one you most lean toward. We also discuss the tremendous benefits of augmenting your marriage mentoring efforts with a small-group experience that your mentorees can plug into.

How It Works

We hope you have already read The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring. But if you haven't, you can read it along the way. Think of that book as your "textbook" to accompany this training manual. You'll get far more out of this program if you read The Complete Guide — and it will serve as a good reference long after your training is complete.

Typically your ten training sessions will be about fifty to sixty minutes in length and here's how the topics break down:

Session	Topic	DVD
1	Introduction	none
2	The Big Picture: An Overview of Marriage Mentoring	8 min.
3	Marriage Mentoring as a Woman	3 min.
4	Building Rapport/Walking in Another Couple's Shoes	12 min.
5	Working as a Team/Agreeing on Outcomes	12 min.
6	Asking Meaningful Questions/Listening Aggressively	12 min.
7	Fielding Questions/Telling Your Stories	12 min.
8	Praying Together/Staying Sharp	12 min.
9	Being Yourself and Going with the Flow	8 min.
10	The Next Steps	10 min. (incl. 6 min. of promos)

What's Required of You

If you're like most busy couples, you don't want your time to be wasted. We understand. That's why this material has been trimmed of anything superfluous and organized so that you use the training time productively. Of course, it still requires time. If you are doing the training in a structured group session, that time has been determined for you. If you are doing it as an individual couple, you will need to impose your own structure; we'll help you do that later in this session.

For now, we want you to know that your training time commitment is relatively minimal — ten hours or less — though we provide options along the way where you can choose to add further study.

In addition to some of your time, we also require all of your heart. Sounds a bit daunting, we know. But it's true. If you are going to be an effective marriage mentor, your heart needs to be in it. This is not something you can dabble in to see how you feel about it. Your mentorees have a built-in radar detector for phoniness and they'll see right through you.

Let's do a brief checkup to evaluate your current circumstances and motivation.

Exploring Personal Hurdles and Motivation (5 minutes)

	List the top three things that are pulling for your time and energy right now. These may be things on the home front, with friends, or at work.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________
	Now rate how motivated you are right now to become trained as a marriage mentor. Be honest. You don't have to be at a perfect 10 to continue. You just need to be up front.
Not Motivated Very Motivated
	Once both you and your spouse have answered these questions in your separate training manuals, take a moment to debrief. Talk about the issues in your life that are pulling for your time. What can you do to help each other make the time you'll need to complete this training? Also talk about your motivation level. If one of you is more motivated than the other, why is that? If either of you ranked your motivation level at less than 7, do you view this as temporary or are you convinced that marriage mentoring is not something you should commit to at this time? If so, it's best to postpone your training.

A Simple Suggestion

As with any new skill you want to learn or any new knowledge you want to absorb, you will get the most from this marriage mentor training program if you set aside potential distractions, anything that might interfere with the learning process. If you're a multitasker, this might be a challenge — especially if you're doing the training at home — because it means no email, cell phone, BlackBerry, radio, television, whatever.

We can almost feel some of you cringing. Okay, we're not policing you. But you know that you will only get out of this experience what you put into it. So we're simply urging you to give this training the attention it deserves.

Besides, you'll soon realize it's a lot of fun, and you're going to enjoy the benefit of the "boomerang effect" that you've read about (or will soon) in The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring.

Note: If you're doing this training as an individual couple, skip ahead to page 18 and the section titled "Marriage Mentor Training as an Individual Couple."

© 2006 Zondervan. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Dr. Les Parrott is a master communicator, having impacted people from all walks of life including executives, international government officials, professional athletes and college students. His charisma, humor and practical advice have placed him in high demand as a conference and seminar speaker. He has spoken internationally to a variety of groups including corporations such as Johnson & Johnson, Price Waterhouse, the armed services, and associations of professional athletes. His breakneck schedule takes him across North America and around the world.

Dr. Leslie Parrott is a marriage and family therapist and codirector with her husband, Dr. Les Parrott, of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. She is the author of God Made You Nose to Toes, and coauthor with her husband of several bestselling books, including The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring, Relationships, Love Talk, and the Gold Medallion Award-winner, Saving Your Marriage before It Starts. Leslie is a columnist for Today's Christian Woman and has been featured on Oprah, CBS Morning, CNN, and The View, and in USA Today and he New York Times. The Parrotts' radio program, Love Talk, is carried by stations throughout North America. Leslie lives in Seattle with her husband and their two sons.