The Third Cornerstone: Commitment

Bob Greene's Total Body Makeover
by Bob Greene

(Page 9 of 10)

You don't have to look far within our society to see that commitments are no longer as sacred as they once were. It's almost as though not honoring a commitment has become socially acceptable. How often do people make others wait, break dates, not show up, go back on offers to help? It's epidemic.

What does this have to do with weight loss? A lot, in my estimation. If you're lax about your commitments in one area of your life, you're a lot more likely to be lax about other vows you make — both to others and to yourself. It's not a far leap from being late for a dinner date to blowing off a workout; in both cases there's a lack of respect at work.

Successful people keep commitments. They show up on time, they don't break dates, and they don't break promises. Their word is their word, and they stand by it. And, most important, they see themselves as deserving of the same respect they give to others. They keep their commitments to themselves just as they keep their commitments to friends, family, and business associates.

That last part is critical. Maybe you're a little put off by the suggestion that you don't keep commitments, because you are meticulous about keeping promises — to other people! But do you keep the promises you make to yourself? A classic trait I see among people who struggle with their weight is that they honor all kinds of commitments to others but always forget to put themselves on the list. They want to be considered "a good person," so they do their utmost to devote themselves to others.

That's selfless; however, it can also border on selfishness. Why? Because you do a disservice to those who care about you by not taking care of yourself. As nice as it is to be seen as a giving person, you also need to pay attention to your own needs. I know many people who are caretakers of others who don't bother to care for themselves; they cringe at the idea of putting themselves first. But ultimately, if you don't, you won't be much use to anyone else either. And let's be honest: if you don't take care of your health, you run the risk of becoming sick or dying prematurely. How will that help your spouse, your children, your friends, and everyone else who loves and needs you?

I'm not telling you to forget your commitments to others and just concentrate on yourself. But you should examine the reasons you allow the needs of others to take precedence over your own. Why does your commitment to care for your family mean that you can't also fulfill the promise you made to yourself to exercise regularly and eat healthfully? Is your commitment to your work such that there is no way to take a walk at lunchtime or get in a meal before you get so ravenous that you grab all the wrong foods? There should be a happy medium that allows you to honor every pledge you make.

This is where I pull out the famous contract. If you're familiar with my work from my other books, magazines, or TV, you know that I believe that signing a contract helps make a commitment sacred. It shouldn't really matter if you put a promise into writing or not; I hope that you would keep it even if the promise exists only in your heart and mind. But somehow, putting pen to paper seems to drive home the seriousness of the endeavor.

Dean, whose story you just read, is only one example of someone who signed the contract to help her honor her commitment to herself. She, like many other people who responded when the contract ran in the January 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine and the thousands who have signed it in the Get With the Program! books, used it to help her stay committed to a program on which she had already embarked. In your case, you may be signing it before you've made any changes — an excellent way to start. As I've said before, you are much more likely to be successful if you begin by really weighing all the issues: Are you being honest about why you're overweight? Have you owned up to your behavior? And most important, are you truly ready to change? When the answer is yes, the contract on page 58 is waiting for you.

It's Never Too Late to Make the Commitment
Alice's Story

As I write this, I have lost 45 pounds of unhealthy body weight. In the course of a year, I went from a dress size 16 to a size 6. It was a long road getting there. I am 75 years old now, but my weight struggles began when I was very young — they used to call me little bear because I was so chubby. As I got older, boys thought of me as a sister, never as a girlfriend. I even went to my school prom by myself. When I was in college I learned a new way to combat weight: bulimia. It made me thin, but it also made me end up in the hospital. Eventually, I met my husband and married. I was slim at the time; however, shortly after the wedding my weight started rising. After three months of marriage I was so plump my mother-in-law thought I was pregnant!

Things reached a new low in July 2002. My husband had died, and I was eating through the pain — gaining weight because I was depressed and depressed because I was gaining weight. Then a couple of things happened that helped pull me out of the rut and set me on my path to weight loss.

I had looked at Bob's books before, but now I really read them carefully and took to heart a lot of what he had to say. One of his ideas is that to lose weight, you have to love yourself, and that was something I realized was missing in my life: I didn't like me. So I started to do what Bob said. I pledged to eat primarily to satisfy my nutritional needs rather than my emotional needs. I ate fresh fruits and vegetables and baked chicken and fish instead of canned foods. I drank two quarts of water a day and stopped drinking sodas. I began walking five miles a day in beautiful Coral Reef Park in Miami. I discovered that I love to walk. In fact, I was losing weight so fast that my doctor advised me to cut back my walking to three miles a day. That's what I do every weekday and sometimes on Saturdays and Sundays, too. The combination of the exercise and the quiet, meditative time makes me feel wonderful, peaceful, and euphoric. I love walking, and I love me much more.

The other inspiration I received came from my parish priest. In one of his sermons during Lent, he spoke on the subject of fasting, a spiritual experience I had always flunked. My priest said that if you have any kind of habit that is more powerful than the God within you, then it is your God. That's when it hit me that food was my God. This was the attitude that was making it very difficult for me to lose the pounds I was fighting so hard to get rid of. With the guidance of my family doctor, I was able to fast for Lent. I lost 20 pounds, but it wasn't really about losing the weight. It was about spiritual empowerment. After it was over, I was able to bring my eating habits under control, and I've gone on to eat sensibly.

I have lost weight before, but what's different this time is that the desire comes from within, not without. My whole outlook has changed, and I'm continuing on my road to a healthier lifestyle under the motto "Nothing — not cake, not candy — tastes better than how being healthy and thin feels." I can really feel the difference, too. I used to suffer from arthritis and no longer do. I feel much more energetic, and I like people more. I'm friendlier!

I'm constantly being told, "Alice, you look so young. You look like a teenager!" Ironically, I do feel like the teenager I was in college with the exception that I now have far more transcendent wisdom. Oprah has said that each time you move toward the life you want, you are doing the most important spiritual work. Well, sticking to my own fitness contract is certainly enabling me to do my most important spiritual work.

Total Body Makeover
Contract with Myself

I, ___________________, hereby commit to 12 weeks of regular vigorous exercise and to self-control when it comes to my eating. I will be focused on challenging my abilities in the pursuit of elevating my physical performance. In addition, I will not indulge in any alcoholic beverages during the 12-week period regardless of the nature of the temptation. I will also terminate my consumption of all food two to three hours prior to my bedtime. I will endeavor to be conscious of when and why I eat and will, to the best of my ability, eat simply to satisfy my nutritional needs as opposed to my emotional needs. I will also do my best to make healthful food choices.

I realize that this contract is solely with myself and that it carries no rewards, penalties, or punishments other than those associated with the reflection of the strength of my character.

____________day of____________________, 20____

________________________________________(signature)

Copyright © 2005 by Bob Greene Enterprises, Inc.

About the Author

Bob Greene is an exercise physiologist and certified personal trainer specializing in fitness, metabolism, and weight loss. He has been a guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show. He is also a contributing writer and editor for O, The Oprah Magazine, and writes on health and fitness for Oprah.com. Greene is the bestselling author of Get With the Program!, The Get With the Program! Guide to Good Eating, The Get With the Program! Daily Journal, and The Get With the Program! Guide to Fast Food and Family Restaurants.