Introduction

Choosing Truth
by Harriette Cole

Living a Life that Matters — to You

In a world where "truth" is a relative concept, is it possible to live an honorable life? Where half-truths and relentless spin are the rule, is honesty really the best policy? Yes, says Harriette Cole, and in Choosing Truth she shows you why.

The bestselling author of How to Be delivers an inspiring, one-of-a-kind prescription for revitalizing your daily routine, overcoming the habit of self-delusion, and living an authentic life. Choosing Truth is not simply about being honest with the people in your personal and professional life; it's about being true to yourself.

Writing with extraordinary candor about her own life quest, Cole invites you to take an eye-opening, introspective journey and offers tips on reaching your goal, such as:

• Keeping a journal
• Cultivating the discipline of listening
• Loving yourself
• Letting go — of clutter, of negative friends, of past mistakes
• Finding tools for honest communication
• Knowing when to speak up

Choosing Truth is an essential guide for anyone who seeks to embrace authenticity and choose honesty.

Choosing Truth is a book devoted to supporting the search for the deepest understanding of Truth that we can find: The answer to the age-old question, Who am I? It is a subject that I have held close to my heart for my entire life, even when I wasn't sure what my search really was. Because this is so, this book has come to be filled with more of my own stories than I ever imagined I would dare reveal. I also share numerous examples of other people's stories about their personal transformation as they have faced challenges, triumphs, and defeats. I do so because if I and others have the courage and willingness to shed light on our lives as they are, then, perhaps you will be willing to do the same. The only way to live a full and dynamic life is to be willing to examine it as it is right now, without adornment. God knows us and sees us through and through — as we are. In moments of insight, we also see ourselves and each other for who we really are. This is true no matter how artfully we may have sculpted ourselves into appropriate packages.

The genesis of this book came long before September 11, 2001, but the events of that day made me reassess whether I was still headed in the right direction. This disaster was an unprecedented, unthinkable attack. Safety had to be redefined. Freedom needed to find a new face, an honest face. The "Whys?" begged to be answered so that the errors of the past would not be repeated. Perhaps for the first time in contemporary culture, more Americans and others around the world began to think a little harder and a lot more seriously about their own lives, about their mortality: What really matters? Am I living the life that my heart tells me to live? What do I need to do to improve my way of being? How do I protect myself when the world around me doesn't feel safe?

My intention in writing this book is to support all of us in our quest for the answers to life's fundamental questions. This project came to be as I was sitting in meditation at the ashram that is my spiritual home in upstate New York. I had just finished my book How to Be, and I wanted to know what I was supposed to work on next. The question I had in my mind as I slipped into meditation was: What is my purpose now? What am I to do? In the stillness of a deep meditation, out of a serene space of silence came a voice: Choose the Truth. What did it mean? As I racked my brain, there came an Aha! moment. "Is this supposed to be a book?" And so I began to contemplate what a book about Truth would be. I polled a few people to learn their ideas on the subject. Members of my spiritual community were accustomed to grappling with this topic. Others gave their take as if they were contemplating it for the first time. Some had different definitions, depending on the circumstances at hand. "The Truth is relative to the situation, isn't it?" one woman asked.

Armed immediately with a breadth of inspiration and opinion, I sat still in order to gather my thoughts. To consider choice and Truth together was powerful. How would I do that and really serve people's needs? My initial idea was to look at the different relationships that we find ourselves in — marriage, parent-child, friends, lovers, coworkers, employees, neighbors, and enemies — and with this plan in mind, I began interviewing people of all ages and backgrounds all over the country. I wanted to know whether people chose to be honest with their coworkers and parents, as well as how often they intentionally lied to their lovers and creditors. What was the balance of Truth as people revealed details of their various relationships?

What I found changed the whole construct of this book. Although people rationalized their degrees of honesty a little more when it came to work situations, the reality is that those who lie were equally likely to do so with lovers, spouses, and children as with employers or employees. Whether I was talking to teenagers or senior citizens, the range of stories was pretty consistent. Some people barely addressed the surface of their feelings; instead, they lived day to day in varying degrees of happiness or discomfort. Others dove deep into the heart of their emotions and experiences. Some people courageously stood up for their beliefs, while others either immediately cowered in the corner or ran to the front of the line to hand over their ideas in order to support someone else's. What was the thread that linked them all together? As I listened and digested story after story, all the while probing my own heart for clues, I discovered that Choosing Truth has less to do with how we behave in relation to others than it does with how we relate to our own Selves. If we dare to stand naked in front of a mirror and examine what we see — on the surface and layer upon layer below — then and only then are we able to choose Truth in our lives.

After more than a year of pursuing one path for this book, my course was redirected. The course I had been on all along in my personal life became the course I was to follow to help others. To protect those who so generously opened up their lives to this pursuit of Truth, I have altered names, occupations, and residences as needed. Through the many examples and principles woven throughout these chapters, my intention is for each of you to seek out your own understanding of what Truth is for you. This book requires your active participation. You will be invited to probe your own heart and mind to discover the voice within that is waiting to guide your steps. You will be encouraged to journal about your discoveries so that you can capture your own wisdom on paper and refer to it again and again. The purpose of this book is to inspire you to continue forward on your path to you.

The process of CHOOSING TRUTH is sometimes difficult. It requires diligence and patience. So often many of us seem to live in a fog, even when we are actively walking on a spiritual path. I know in my own life I have frequently discovered what's actual about a situation I'm facing long after it first presents itself. Due to some emotion, such as anger, anticipation, fear, or even guilt, I have initially envisioned the scenario in false colors, unknowingly misrepresenting it to myself and, in turn, to others. Although this often happens unintentionally, this distortion of reality has proven to be a deterrent in my own progress. Only after deep contemplation, prayer, and focus do answers usually emerge. Knowledge, like a delicious cup of tea, seems to reveal itself only after steeping.

I go back to that day when the Twin Towers fell. My office borders Greenwich Village and Chelsea in New York City. Standing on the corner of Fifteenth Street and Fifth Avenue, I could see the Towers blazing with fire and puffing out huge clouds of smoke. Hours later, I could see smoke where there had been majestic buildings. How could the Towers be gone? I kept wishing that it hadn't happened. I wanted to be awakened from this bad dream and reclaim life as it had been hours before.

Life is what it is. It is our duty to see that. But just as was true in New York, as rescue workers struggled endlessly to clear away the rubble, we have to exert consistent and focused energy to see clearly. It takes work to cart away the debris clouding our vision and tremendous effort to sort through the many distractions that capture our attention. Only when we put forth this effort can grace do its part and show us what is real.

Although I do not claim to have all the answers, I do have recommendations, gleaned from many years of study, for how we can seek out and choose to live in the space of our own Truth. What is essential is that we recognize and accept that before us in every moment is a matter of choice. We can and must choose our destiny. It is our own steps, our own thoughts, words, and deeds that will either guide us to the revelation of who we really are and what our role in life is, or propel us deeper into a life of smoke and mirrors.

I look at life as a precious gemstone that bears many facets. Depending on how we tend to the needs and subtleties of our gemstone, its facets will either shine brilliantly or lack clarity. This book represents an examination of many of the facets of our lives. I encourage you to use it as a tool to assist you so that your gemstone, your precious life, can become crystal clear and shine as magnificently as is possible.

I offer it to you with all my love,
Harriette

Copyright © 2003 by profundities, inc.

About the Author

Harriette Cole is the author of Jumping the Broom: The African-American Wedding Planner; the Jumping the Broom Wedding Workbook; How to Be: Contemporary Etiquette for African Americans; Coming Together: Celebrations for African American Families; and Choosing Truth: Living an Authentic Life. She is the owner of profundities, inc., a life-coaching and image development production company, where she has worked with stars such as platinum-selling recording artists Alicia Keys, Erykah Badu, and Mary J. Blige. Cole writes a New York Daily News nationally syndicated advice column titled Sense & Sensitivity. She lives in Harlem in New York City with her family.