How Do I Get Off This Merry-Go-Round?

It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys : The Seven-Step Path to Becoming Truly Organized
by Marilyn Paul, Ph.D.

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Freeing up energy involves seven steps. These steps build on each other. For clarity's sake, I list them in order, and this order is a useful way to begin. Over time, you will find yourself working a few steps at a time, in your own way, in your own order. Don't be overwhelmed by these steps-I'm just giving you the overview here.

This is the map for the rest of the book. In the seven steps, you:

1. Establish Your Purpose. In the first step, you have an opportunity to explore your deeper purpose for getting organized. You look at how disorganization is a stumbling block for you. You identify what being organized can do for you and you make a deep commitment to change.

2. Envision What You Want. Now you create your vision for how you want to live your life. You visualize the details of how being organized can contribute to your life vision. You imagine how much better your life will be and you find some role models to help you see that you can change.

3. Take Stock. You take a very realistic look at what you are doing to create chaos and frenzy in your life. And you examine the thinking, beliefs, emotional attachments, and spiritual orientation that lead you to disorganization.

4. Choose Support. Support, lots of it, is crucial to make this kind of change. You identify all kinds of support for yourself in this process.

5. Identify Strategies for Change. You learn what it takes to become organized-how to clear up the backlog successfully, how to build new systems and new habits. Then you incorporate the basics of time management, handling purchases and possessions well, learning to focus, and making sure that your word is good.

6. Take Action. You use implementation tools to put the approach into action. You set reasonable goals, you allocate time, you energize yourself when you get stuck, and you get good help.

7. Go Deeper to Keep Going. You learn to take care of yourself better and you do the deep emotional work that can free you from destructive habits and emotional pain. You deepen your understanding about how you want to live and what it takes to live that way.

As you can see in the Seven-Step Change Cycle diagram (page 12), purpose is central. You start with purpose and you return to purpose. You focus on your purpose for getting organized, but, ultimately, you are getting organized so that you can do more of what you really want to do in life.

I call this a cycle because in getting organized, you go through many rounds, and you work through many layers. The blast-through-the-mess approach or the this-weekend-I-am-going-to-get-totally-organized method doesn't work for most people. Rather, you go through a cycle of working through the mess on your desk, learning to keep your desk ready for action, and then moving on to clearing the clothes off the floor. And that deepens your commitment to getting organized because you see the good results, which in turn allows you to go after what you really want in life because you are not getting in your own way so much. You get clearer about who you are. This is a cycle for life.

As you go through these steps, you'll see what really works for you. You'll get to know yourself better and you'll take more effective action. You will change. You'll find it easier to get things done. And on the nightmarish days, you'll still find ways to keep your energy moving. You'll also see that in this path is a powerful way to improve the quality of your life.

What It Feels Like Along the Way

Using this method you will become aware of your current thoughts and choices about possessions, time, agreements, and focus. You'll begin to see trade-offs that you hadn't seen before. You'll see small changes that you can make. You'll work differently with your fear and anxiety. You will cultivate new habits slowly, one at a time, so that you can adjust to a new way of living. You will delve more deeply into the meaning of your mess, and you'll start to understand your own brain-how you think and what distracts you.

Step by step you create some order, then a little more . . . until you establish a substantially clearer space. This learning process takes time and repetition. For example, I had to tackle my desk as if it were Mount Everest. I made thirty or forty attempts. I know this sounds exaggerated, but I had to get my figurative hiking boots, pack, and ice ax, and go after my desk with determination. The "mountain" defeated me many times, but eventually I did conquer it. (I have a little flag waving at the top.)

Determination to change must be mixed with a healthy dose of compassion. You weave will and kindness together as you undertake this transformational journey. You develop self-acceptance and let go of the shaming inner voice. You see that you can't force yourself to change just by bossing yourself around. You develop a much deeper motivation to change and grow and, in so doing, you find the strength to go after more of what you want in life.

As you begin to get organized, you feel more and more confident in your ability to incorporate order into your life. You also experience a stronger sense of professional effectiveness and "presence," because you aren't wrestling with time and objects as much. This sense of presence-sometimes called "mindfulness"-signals the ability to be fully available for life and its challenges, and is a guiding principle in this method. It's hard to be "present" when you can't find your keys or when you're running half an hour late. It's also hard to be present-and connected to others-when you're spending another Sunday cleaning up the office or you're too embarrassed to welcome people into your home.

You will begin to have a sense of homecoming. When you come "home," whether to your house, your office, or even your car, you will become energized and engaged rather than depressed. Home enhances your sense of belonging. You might begin to feel that there is actually a place for you. You may experience a sense of grace and peacefulness because you are not struggling so hard to get to a place on time or to meet deadlines. Your blood pressure may go down. You will wrestle less with bills, receipts, phone calls, and e-mails. You can find a deeper sense of the sacred. For example, your office can become a sanctuary for meaningful work, and you also might find a space in your home that allows for contemplation and reverence. You might start to sense that life is short and you don't want to scatter it to the winds, doing everything and seeing everyone. Finally, as you clear a place for yourself by becoming organized, you may well begin sensing your true aspiration. It's easier to hear your calling when there is less pandemonium.

An Integrated Approach to Change

Using this approach, you will work the seven steps in cycles, alternating between focusing on objects or time and working with your emotions, thoughts, and life energy. You'll engage four levels of self in order to enter a new way of living:

• The physical level-what you do day-to-day, the actions you take that produce the chaos

• The emotional level-your feelings about disorder, order, timeliness, and possessions

• The intellectual level-what you think, how you think, and what you believe

• The spiritual level-your deeper sense of meaning and purpose; your values and your sense of the sacred in time, space, and material things; your connectedness with your source of strength and courage

Most personal change efforts fail because they are limited to one or two levels. Using this process, you will draw on knowledge from all four realms so you can truly transform your life. Think of this work as clearing your path of inner and outer obstacles. Everything has energy, and freeing up energy occurs on several levels at once. As you make changes, your well-being increases, and this frees you up to live your true purpose. You experience more composure. You connect more deeply with a greater energy and vitality. Every action that you take matters. Every time you flex your inner muscles to do something different, you are building the strength for more.

Athletes lift weights. You do the dishes, throw things away, file the papers, and put things back. This is your discipline. Building discipline builds your strength and power. Each action that you take towards change helps you take the next action. I will remind you often that this is a journey of small changes. Over time, small changes add up to great transformation.

You'll become more aware of how your disorganization causes anxiety and your anxiety causes disorganization. Running late often leads to panic. Losing the car keys leads to rage. Missing an important deadline can lead to despair or self-hatred. The life of a disorganized person can be a roller coaster ride of feelings. Fear, anxiety, despair, resentment, are among the many feelings that are intensified by disorganization. Moreover, emotional upsets are disorganizing. When you are too mad to sit down and pay the bills, when you are so resentful that you can't focus on your work, when you are too depressed to remember to stop at the grocery store on the way home, your life tends to be more chaotic. If your feelings often knock you off your feet, if you are so overwhelmed by floods of emotion that you cannot take care of your daily needs, then it is time to make steadying yourself a serious practice.

In the end, much of this is about micro-changes in how we think about taking action. We see how our deepest beliefs and feelings affect our everyday actions, which in turn affect our results. We can see clearly how if we do what we have always done, we will get what we have always gotten. We will be in the same situation over and over again, unless we fundamentally change. Each time you put your keys back in their place, each evening that you clear off your desk, each time you make a promise that you can and do keep, you are growing toward more satisfaction and well-being.

Every step of the way, there are exercises so that you can put this approach into practice. These exercises won't take you a lot of time, but when used, they can be very powerful. Try these out. Try thinking of these exercises as explorations into a new way of living. Create a habit of noting what you are learning. Keep a journal in a book or on your computer and pick a time every day to write a few sentences. For example, go directly to your journal when you open the computer and set a timer for five minutes and write. Or keep your journal by your bed and make a habit of reflecting on your day and noting what it was like for you. One pointer: Do not take notes on random pieces of paper thinking that you will copy them down someday. If you like jotting down occasional notes, make it a practice to carry a small notebook with you.

Part of the reward of this approach is that not only will you begin to uncover your floor and desk, but you will also start to create a nurturing space in which you can know and love yourself more fully. The beauty and power of this path is that you can work both outside in-clearing clutter can help you feel more serene-and inside out-as you heal your inner chaos, it may become easier to clear off your desk. You can uncover your core purpose and have the space to do something new, meet a new person, or take a risk. It's paradoxical perhaps, but as you clear up your surface messiness, you become able to enter the genuine, alive messiness of life more freely.

From It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys by Marilyn Paul, Copyright © February 2003, Viking Press, a member of the Penguin Group, Inc., used by permission.

About the Author

Marilyn Paul has a Ph.D. in organization and management from Yale and an M.B.A. from Cornell. She is a principal in the consulting firm Bridgeway Partners, with clients that have included Harvard University, Dana Farber Cancer Institute, and Pfizer.