Introduction, 7 Promises

100 Promises to My Baby
by Mallika Chopra

As she eagerly awaited the birth of her first child, Mallika Chopra began to craft a unique gift that would express her profound loving commitment to the baby growing inside of her. 100 Promises to My Baby is that gift--one that reflects her deep awareness of the sacred responsibilities of parenthood. Here the author shares the vows she made to help her child--and all children--grow up feeling cherished and secure, look at the world with wonder and curiosity, and learn spiritual values that enrich life and contribute to making the world a better place. Accompanying the 100 promises are short essays, reflections, poems, and stories that have inspired the author throughout her life--and that will inspire readers to think about their own lives, values, and beliefs, and what they would like to pass on to their children.

1

I promise to always remember
that you are my gift from God.

One morning, I was going for a walk along the ocean when I had a beautiful sensation that something was alive in me. I giggled as I imagined telling my husband, Sumant, that we were going to have a baby.

And then a wave of emotion swept over me. I felt a strong and vibrant presence at the very essence of my soul. In that moment, I felt Daddy, my dearest grandfather, in my heart. Daddy had passed away three months earlier, but I felt his spirit bless his first great-grandchild in that moment by the water.

Daddy once told me that the following poem by Jalal al Din Rumi always reminded him of how he felt about his grandchildren. As I embark upon my own journey as a parent, it resounds even more with the emotion I have always had about becoming a mother and discovering the magic of my children.

The Alchemy of Love
al-al-Din Rumi

You come to us From another world From beyond the stars And void ofspace. Transcendent, Pure, Of unimaginable beauty, Bringing with you The essence of love You transform all Who are touched by you. Mundane concerns, Troubles and sorrows Dissolve in your presence, Bringing joy To ruler and ruled To peasant and king

You bewilder us With your grace. All evils Transform into Goodness. You are the master alchemist. You light the fire of love In earth and sky In heart and soul Of every being. Through your loving Existence and nonexistence merge. All opposites unite. All that is profane Becomes sacred again.

2

I promise to always cherish the moment
you came into the world.

About 6 weeks before Leela, our second child, was due, it suddenly dawned on Ame that she would be in my arms very soon. I tried to remember how I felt j j

when I was at this stage with Tara, but the emotions were quite different this time. There was less anxiety about the unknown and more excitement about all the joys and treasured moments that were yet to come. There was also nostalgia already because I knew that Leela's infancy would pass before our eyes in a flicker of a moment.

In the middle of the night, I'd lie awake as she moved inside of me. The miracle of being so intimate with this other being is indeed one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had. I remembered watching Tara after she was born and recognizing her movements from those I had felt inside of me. I envisioned the familiarity I would soon observe when Leela was in my arms.

With my first pregnancy, I got lists of what I needed from friends and only imagined how I might use those things on Tara. It was such a joy and many times a struggle, to discover the little secrets of caring for my baby. For Leela, those utilitarian items—such as washcloths and nail clippers—would have so much meaning.

My heart would flutter with anticipation, joy, and nostalgia once again.

I replayed the challenges that I had with Tara—the sleepless, exhausting nights; the struggles with breastfeeding; and the questioning and trying to understand why she was crying—but they all faded into the background as I remembered those breathless moments of gawking at her in utter amazement.

I thought about what it would feel like to have another baby in my arms. I stroked my belly and hummed quietly to myself, focusing all my loving energy to little Leela's burgeoning soul. I thought about what she would look like, how she would smell, and how she would feel.

What a wonderful and magical journey awaited us! I could not wait to welcome her into our world.

Reflection

THINK ABOUT THE MOMENT you realized you were pregnant. What was your first thought? Did you have a vision of your baby? How has this vision changed as your pregnancy has progressed or your baby has grown?

3

I promise to help you know
that we are always together.

There will be times when you are scared, lonely, and sad and when I will not be . there to hold you. I will not be able to pat you back to sleep, to wipe away your tears, to sing you a song, and to give you little kisses to make you smile again.

There will be times when you may fall and hurt yourself and I cannot kiss away your wound and make it all better.

There will be times when someone may say something that hurts you, and I am not there to tell you that their judgments reflect their own insecurities.

And there will be moments when I will not be able to sense your needs just by looking at you or hearing the tone of your cry.

But know that you will never be alone and that I will always be there for you. When you need me and I am physically not there, put your attention on your heart, and you will feel my presence. You will remember then. You will feel the warmth of my embrace, you will hear the song of my voice, and you will know that I love you.

We are bonded now forever, and never again will we find ourselves truly alone.

4

I promise to keep an open heart and mind
as our relationship changes and evolves.

When I first met Sumant, we had a thrilling courting period. There was an instant connection, and I would wake up every morning just waiting for his call or a chance to see him.

Our first year of marriage, like most, faced many challenges, confrontations, frustrations, and questioning. But it was also a time of getting to know each other more intimately and building a more solid base for our relationship. It was a time when we were enamored with love and with each other, and the magic of it all made the challenges much easier.

Over the next five years, our lives changed dramatically as we moved from India to the United States, returned to business school, started our professional careers, and really began to live our life together. Our puppy love had evolved into the deepest of friendships and respect, and we both pushed each other to achieve our individual and our shared dreams.

Having children has taken our relationship to an entirely new level. We share a bond that is sacred; we have created new life, new beings together. We feel older, more responsible, and more serious about our lives and each other. We look at these miracles, our children, whom we have created together. They are a symbol of our love, totally dependent on us and trusting of us. I have fallen in love with Sumant over and over again as I watch him be a father.

I look at other relationships in my life, and I appreciate how they have evolved over time. My parents, who once were my sole caretakers, are now my close friends. I watch them interact with their grandchildren and see how they continue to grow as individuals and as a couple. My brother has shifted from being the often annoying but lovable younger sibling to my dear friend and creative and professional collaborator. With friends, some relationships have evolved as our lives have changed, while others remain special because of history and memorable times together.

And now, I begin a new journey of building relationships with my children. These, too, I know, will change with the years, and we will face many joyous moments combined with tense ones. But it is a journey I will cherish at every turn, because it will be the most precious journey in my lifetime.

11

I promise to hold you,
but never hold on to you.

When you look at me with your big eyes, searching for a hug, a kiss, comfort, and security, my heart melts with joy. I am there in an instant, knowing that today you turn to me for everything. I yearn to hold you, protect you, and nurture you. And while it makes me whole to meet your needs, I must constantly remind myself that I am really only your guide for a short time. You are on your own journey, a bud that will blossom into its own brilliant flower.

I know there will come a time when you will no longer look to me for all your needs, when you must search for your own answers, when you will want to wander around the world and collect your own treasures. I know there will come a time when I have to let go and admit that you are old enough to make your own decisions and determine your own actions.

I promise you that I will let go and give you the freedom to grow and become your own person. And whenever you want my advice, my embrace, and my smile, I will be there for you. I will always answer your call, and I will always be there as an anchor when you need me. And while I know at times it will be hard for me to hold back, I will respect your freedom and give you wings to fly freely with confidence, joy, and security.

41

I promise to show you how values
can be the basis for genuine success.

An important lesson that our parents taught us when we were young was to develop a sense of values that could drive everything else we did in our lives. These values were not dictated or told to us, but rather, like all children, we watched how our parents treated others and themselves.

As we grew older, my father encouraged Gotham and me to begin a process of actually defining our values. This exercise made our value system a conscious part of our everyday thinking and activities. As we grew up, our values drove our academic, professional, and personal decisions and relationships.

Every morning as part of our meditation, we would think about the most valuable experiences that we wanted to have during the day. These experiences could include friendship, love, peace, harmony, laughter, creativity, intuition, discovery, and more. When we were silent and truly listened to our hearts, we always found that our most valued experiences were ones that made us feel good, happy, secure, and loved.

We would then take a few seconds to contemplate how we could find and nurture these experiences. Inevitably, the process of discovering our experiences would entail giving, sharing, or creating those experiences with others. This created a dynamic where we always felt connected to others and motivated to treat others in the same way that we would want to be treated. It also created a vision that engaged others who wanted success and fulfillment as much as we did. And most important, it allowed us to shape our own destinies, focusing on the experiences that would keep us inspired, creative, and passionate about each new day.

As parents, we hope we can instill values in our children that will give them confidence and inspire them to treat others with love and respect. The simple exercise described above is a powerful way to help children listen to what makes them feel good and then seek out and share those feelings with others in their world.

Reflection

Name ten values that you hold most dear. Promise your child that you will teach these values to him or her by your own example.

56

I promise to remind you that there are
many perspectives to any situation.

When Sumant was two-and-a-half years old, he went for his first expedition with his father. It was a big trip for his dad - the first time he was going to spend several hours completely alone with his baby. He decided to take Sumant to the zoo.

Sumant was so excited when they reached the park. His father bought him a balloon and sat him upon his shoulders, and they went from one animal to the other. They reviewed all the appropriate animal sounds. They pointed out the brilliant colors on the parrots and the lovely feathers on the peacocks. Sumant's father then gave him a wonderful treat; they took a ride on an elephant around the park. It was one of the most special afternoons his father had ever spent.

When they arrived home, Sumant's mother came running out to the car. She grabbed Sumant, giving him hugs and kisses and asking if he had fun. Sumant was licking a lollipop, and he showed his mother the stuffed monkey that his father had bought him. His father beamed with pride, knowing that he had treated his son to an ultimate day of fun and learning. He was excited to hear Sumant's tales of the day.

"Tell Mama all that you saw," his father coaxed.

Sumant beamed with pride and responded, "Rocks, Mama. So many rocks."

Copyright © 2005 Mallika Chopra

About the Author

MALLIKA CHOPRA, mother of Tara and Leela Mandal, is an author and producer who enjoys taking creative concepts and developing them into cross-cultural, empowering products. She is a partner in Chopra Media, which develops television programming, film concepts, and media products. She is also a partner in the popular K Lounge in New York City.