Why Do Some Kids Refrain from Drinking?

Alcohol - Whats a Parent to Believe? (The Informed Parent)
by Stephen Biddulph

(Page 3 of 3)

Some kids don't use alcohol. If the statistics are correct, about 30 percent of high school seniors don't use alcohol, and an even higher percentage of younger kids are abstinent. Some of the kids in this category may try alcohol, use a few times, then quit. Why do these kids not use? Why did they choose to quit? There are at least as many reasons kids don't use alcohol as there are for using. Here are a few.

• They don't like the taste of alcohol or the way it makes them feel.

• They are repulsed by the intoxicated behaviors or the sickness and throwing up of family members, friends, and peers.

• They are determined not to repeat family patterns.

• They are involved in sports, school clubs, groups, and church groups that require certain standards of conduct to which they are committed.

• They value academic achievement and have strong life goals.

• They are attracted to a strong, sober peer group.

• They are afraid of legal problems or disappointing their parents and family members.

• They value obedience to social and family rules more than they do perceived fun or excitement with friends.

• They have internalized a moral code of conduct from their parents, families, communities, and churches.

What Helps Promote Abstinence?

Research indicates that kids are less likely to engage in underage drinking when some or several of the following conditions exist (this is not intended to be a complete list):

1. Bonding: Children who enjoy a strong sense of bonding with parents and siblings will be more inclined to communicate with them and rely upon them for guidance and support and to discuss the topic of peer pressure and their own thoughts, questions, and concerns about alcohol use. They will be more concerned about pleasing their family because of the love that is shared.

2. Role modeling: Parents and siblings who do not drink or drink very discreetly and modestly are set up to be stronger influences and role models for their teens for abstinence.

3. Monitoring: Teens who are guided in positive structure of their time and home environment are less likely to be bored and left alone to make their own decisions. High-risk situations are more readily recognized by parents and acted upon before they become problem areas.

4. Supervision: Parents who stay actively involved with their children, showing interest in their activities and participating when possible, earn the respect and appreciation of their children. They also understand their children better and can identify danger signals more quickly.

5. Limit setting: Parents who engage in active limit setting and consistently fair discipline give their children a clear signal that they are valuable and that certain things are a high priority.

6. Establishing values: Parents who transmit to their children—in a consistently loving and respectful way—a sound set of moral values help ground their children against a complex, confusing, and shifting world. Teaching a child a standard of obedience by personal example as well as precept, and by emphasizing it, helps internalize important values.

7. Communication: Children benefit from healthy, open communication with their parents and other significant adults. Shutdown or failure to communicate leaves children isolated and vulnerable. Parents who listen as well as speak—and when they speak, do so with respect and kindness, instead of preaching and ordering—have a stronger rapport with their children.

8. Community support: Communities and neighborhoods that actively promote abstinence as a value and require such behavior strengthen teens against outside influences. This is done through laws, rules, limits, guidance, and services.

9. Activity: Positive extracurricular activities that teach communication and life skills and help teens learn important skills for success make teens less susceptible to drinking.

10. School support: Failure in school erodes self-esteem and is one of the biggest contributors to child delinquency. When parents, teachers, and administrators administer a program that is child-sensitive, that helps children to be successful in school with a strength-based approach, children have a better chance of maintaining interest and motivation.

11. Self-esteem: Children who possess high self-esteem and good social and life skills are more likely to thrive in a social setting and are less likely to become involved in delinquent behavior and alcohol abuse. Parents, teachers, clergy, and community leaders should teach and provide opportunities for children to develop these important skills.

12. Skill development: Parents can help their children develop the ability to make healthy decisions and effectively solve problems. Such skills are taught by modeling, guiding, and coaching children. Helping children achieve a sense of psychological autonomy (confidence in their own abilities to make their own decisions with the help of others) gives them the gift of self-discipline and leadership and makes them less likely to be indiscriminate followers.

13. Work and service: Children who have been actively taught to work and to value service to others develop a self-confidence and sensitivity and work ethic that helps them throughout their lives. Children who are self-absorbed, selfish, and ungrateful are children who are lazy and want something for nothing. This type of attitude can be conducive to teenage drinking.

14. Spirituality: Parents who bequeath upon their children a strong spiritual and religious orientation and a belief system that encourages faith and hope and trust in things higher and more powerful than themselves give their children a power that is superior to any other. This faith will strengthen the spiritual resolve that controls physical appetites and helps them overcome serious challenges in their lives.

Obviously, not all of these conditions will exist in a teen’s life, nor need they all be present. Our teen will have strengths and weaknesses. However, the attributes or conditions listed above, which promote a sense of self-esteem and internal values—which cause him to feel loved and respected and confident—will produce positive results in the other areas of his life. Positive teens usually do positive things.

© 2000 Health Communications, Inc.

About the Author

Stephen Biddulph is a former family, marriage, and child counselor who also worked as a supervising therapist and director of adolescent substance abuse and addiction treatment at Provo Canyon School in Utah. A national seminar lecturer, he currently serves as dean of students and auxiliary services at Southern Virginia College. He is a retired major from the United States Marine Corps, is married, and is the father of six children.