Home Management Recommendations

by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D.

(Page 6 of 6)

Be firm. Establish clear ground rules when the child is young and keep these rules (with whatever needed amendments) on into adolescence. As the child improves in judgment, give him more leeway.

Do not flood the child with petty time-consuming decisions; for example, what dress to wear, what shirt, etc. If he dawdles and shows indecision, them make these decisions for him.

Whenever possible, do consider his opinion in some larger matters; for example, to go to Jimmy's birthday party, to go fishing with friend, etc. If there is no real reason to deny the child, then allow him the option of "yes" or "no." However, many ADHD youngsters will need time to picture the situation and think it through before deciding.

Do not haggle or negotiate or wheedle about small things: an extra TV program, whether or not a helping of a new food is accepted, etc. A decision, even if it's in error, is better than haggling. Have faith in yourself.

Give the child chores by all means: setting the table for supper, helping serve at table; clearing the dishes, making the bed, etc. Boys as well as girls should do these chores. Parents must share their duties and chores with their ADHD child for the child's good. Such activities build self-discipline and a sense of responsibility. Select one or two chores and many calm reminders to get these chores done. Withholding a desired privilege for a short time may be necessary if the child fails to do the chore assigned.

Be prepared to accept the absentmindedness of most ADHD children. These youngsters need to be reminded again and again but without the escalation of irritation when directions or reminders need to be given over and over. When you have to repeat a direction say it each time as though it were the first time. These children are not being willful and stubborn when they can't remember; at this point in time, they just can't keep the many things we expect them to remember at the forefront of consciousness.

Be alert to the ADHD youngsters' absentmindedness in regard to care of tools and other implements, toys, etc. Note where you see the child lay the kitchen shears, saw, hammer, etc.

Check later and if the object is still there, give a calm reminder to put it away properly.

Short lists of tasks are excellent to help a child remember. A list is impersonal and reduces irritations and the child will gain satisfaction as he checks off tasks completed.

Many ADHD youngsters seem to "never hear" or to ignore parents' directions and commands. Often these children do not process multiple requests quickly or accurately. Therefore, it helps if the parents first make sure they have the child's attention before making a request. After they've stated their wish in simple, clear, one-concept commands, the child should be asked to repeat what was said. Speaking at a slower rate of speed to the child often is helpful too.

Since many children with ADHD are disorganized, they may sometimes have difficulty relating an event in proper sequence. Family members often need to quietly ask, "Who, what, where, and when" to get the necessary information. Again, a calm, uncritical and not-irritable manner should be the rule.

A common characteristic of many ADHD children is their difficulty in waiting their turn, e.g., in playing a game or when participating in a conversation. Some interruptions when adults are talking may be allowed, for the youngster is impulsive. However, having permitted some infractions of good manners, parents should correct the child sharply if he/she persists in interrupting - send him from the table or discipline him in a similar fashion if he should continue with this behavior.

Do not permit the ADHD child to be unduly loud and noisy in a public place. Do something about it quickly, then and there, even if it is embarrassing for all concerned. Saying "Just wait 'til I get you home" will not help the child and will only make parents feel frustrated.

Routines are helpful for all children and seem to be particularly needed by the ADHD child: a regular time for meals, homework, TV, getting up and going to bed. Each family should find the schedule that suits it best.

In the majority of instances, parents should not try to tutor their own child. It is helpful to a youngster who has problems in reading to have someone in the family read material aloud for content purposes. But to "teach" a child spelling or reading words, or to drill him/her on the concepts of mathematics, is usually unsuccessful. More is lost because of the strained relationships which often result than is gained in improved skills.

Punishment should be: Designed to fit the child and to vary with the offense. The cardinal rule is to "punish behavior and not the child. Generally, physical punishment should be avoided because other forms of discipline (short periods of isolation or withholding privileged activities) focus more on the behavior of the child and less on the child's self-concept. Realistically, however, some physical punishment is likely, and care should be taken to be sure that it is not too severe or prolonged.

Punishment should be of short duration. It must clear the air; the parent should not continue to accuse and grumble, but the child may be allowed to grumble a bit.

Help other members of the family recognize and understand the ADHD youngster's differences. This child can't help being impulsive, loud, forgetful, clumsy, etc. The siblings' patience with their brother or sister who has these problems will be of great assistance to him.

Parents themselves need to come to terms with their child's deficits and strengths. The child with ADHD has a handicap with which he will often need help for many years. Goals should be those that challenge but do not extend beyond his capabilities. If parents can accept their child's assets and liabilities, the child can then begin to accept himself. The siblings' patience with their brother or sister who has these problems will be of great assistance to him/her.

As Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) involves the neurochemical system, we can expect the child/student to become more excited and "out of control" in certain situations. The more people in a room, the more excited the ADHD child becomes. The more noise or activity in the environment - the more rowdy and talkative. Be prepared for more excited and rowdy behavior in situations in which there is more action or normal excitement - as around the holidays or birthdays.

Children with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) have a "quick-draw mouth". Almost any request for performance or activity, taking out the garbage, doing homework, or picking up something - will be met with a quick-draw, fast verbal response. The response is usually a complaint, whine, or other negative comment as in "Why do I have to do it!?"

Parents of Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) children are advised to become deaf for at least 90 seconds after each request of the child - ignoring that verbal reflex they possess. Remember: as Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurochemical condition - the longer we discuss something with the ADHD child - the higher his/her excitement becomes. A general rule: All requests are short and their quick-draw response is ignored. Responding to their quick-draw response only prolongs the excitement and makes the child more rowdy or disruptive.

Conclusions

Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a common childhood, adolescent, and even adult condition. ADHD is typically treated with a combination of medications, home management methods, and school techniques. This handout is provided to increase knowledge and understanding of Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Other information regarding the medical treatment, educational techniques, and management of ADHD is available in your professional community, local resources, and on the Internet. I hope this handout has been helpful.

About the Author

www.drjoecarver.com
This handout was written by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., a Clinical Psychologist. Dr. Carver is in private practice in Southern Ohio.