Splitting the Wedding Bills

Bridal Guide Magazine's New Etiquette for Today's Bride
by Diane Forden

(Page 3 of 3)

It used to be that the bride's family footed the bill for the majority of the wedding expenses-from the invitations to the reception to the bride's dress-and the groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner and little else. See below for a traditional example of how costs are divided.

Traditional Wedding Expense Breakdown

Following are the traditional guidelines regarding who pays for what. You can use these lists as a reference when deciding what division of costs works best for you and your families.

Bride's Family

- Engagement party (optional)

- Wedding invitations and other stationery (announcements, thank-you notes, etc.)

- Services of bridal consultant

- Wedding gown and accessories

- Flowers for ceremony and reception sites

- Bouquets for bridesmaids

- Music

- Photography

- Videography

- Ceremony

- Reception

- Bridal party transportation to ceremony and reception

- Family's wedding attire

Groom's Family

- Engagement party (optional)

- Rehearsal dinner

- Their own wedding attire

The Bride

- The groom's ring

- The bridesmaids' luncheon

- Gifts for the bridesmaids

- Gifts for parents

- Wedding gift for the groom

The Groom

- The bride's rings

- The marriage license

- Officiant's fee

- His formalwear

- Personal flowers: the bride's bouquet, boutonnieres for wedding party, corsages for mothers and grandmothers

- Gifts for the groomsmen

- Wedding gift for the bride

- Gifts for parents

- Honeymoon

- Transportation to the honeymoon

The Wedding Party

- Bridal shower (bridesmaids only)

- Bachelor and bachelorette parties

- Gifts for the couple (can purchase individual gifts or chip in on a group gift)

- Wedding attire and accessories

- Transportation to and from wedding town or city

Today, however, it is less common for the parents of the bride to shoulder the bulk of the financial burden. Instead, many couples are paying for their own weddings or the expenses are being shared by the couple, the bride's parents, and the groom's parents. The parents may offer a set dollar amount for the bride and groom to use as they see fit, or they may each decide to pay for particular items. For example, the bride's family could pay for the ceremony and reception sites, the limousines and the reception food. The groom's family could pay for the rehearsal dinner, all beverages, music, the photographer, and the videographer. And the bride and groom could pay for their wedding attire, flowers, invitations, and wedding cake. Of course, this is just one way to split the costs-you, your groom, and your families will need to work out your own division of costs based on who is able and willing to handle the expenses.

Talking to Your Families About Wedding Costs

Aah, the dreaded money talk. If you're lucky, your families will approach you and your fiancé to let you know what, if anything, they plan to contribute to your wedding. If your parents don't initiate a conversation, you will need to. Yes, broaching the subject of wedding finances can definitely feel awkward, but the sooner you do it, the sooner you can start hammering out a realistic wedding budget.

That said, before you or your fiancé schedule a sit-down with your families, take some time to talk about the type of wedding the two of you envision and figure out what this kind of affair is likely to cost. With that information in mind, it's time to talk to your parents. You and your fiancé can meet with each set of parents together, or you may prefer to speak with your own parents separately. Either way, begin the conversation by explaining the type of wedding you'd like to have and how much money you and your fiancé can afford to spend. Ask your parents if they had planned to help out. Let them know that you are not asking to embarrass them or put them on the spot but just have to determine your overall budget. Thank your parents for any financial assistance they offer, and react graciously if they say they are unable to contribute.

If your parents are willing to share in the expenses, it's wise to suggest setting up a wedding account in your name and your fiancé's. That way, you can deposit each family's contributions and pay all of the bills from one source. If your families are uncomfortable with that idea and prefer to pay the individual bills for the items they have agreed to provide, that is fine too. Vendors, such as the photographer, can send their bills to you or directly to whomever is paying.

Copyright © 2004 by LifeTime Media, Inc. and Bridal Guide®

About the Author

Diane Forden is the Editor-in-Chief of Bridal Guide Magazine.