Engagement Party Etiquette

Bridal Guide Magazine's New Etiquette for Today's Bride
by Diane Forden

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Once word of your newly betrothed status is out, friends and family may ask if you're planning an engagement party. Whether or not to have one is completely up to you and your families. While it's not required, it can be a fun way for members of the bridal party and both families to get to know each other before the wedding. When it comes to hosting the shindig, just about any friend or relative can step up, but traditionally it is the bride's parents who do the honors. If your families really love to party and more than one engagement bash is scheduled, the party thrown by your parents (if there is one) should take place before any others.

Engagement bashes can be as formal or casual as you choose. Some popular options: an evening cocktail party, a brunch or lunch buffet at a favorite restaurant, or a cookout at home. You can even throw a surprise engagement party, where you can tell non-immediate friends and family your news. How it works: The host (say, you or your parents) sends out the invitations without revealing the true reason for the celebration. Once all the guests have arrived, gather everyone for your big announcement: We're engaged! For a regular, non-surprise get-together, the invitations should specify that the event is an engagement party. At some point during the evening, the host- often the father of the bride-should propose a toast to the to-be-wed couple. One other thing to keep in mind: When reviewing the guest list, be sure that you are only inviting people you plan to invite to the wedding.

Choosing Your Bridal Party

Another important task during your engagement is selecting the members of your bridal party, the people most dear to you (think of them as the MVPs of your life) who will have an important role in your wedding. In your just-got-engaged excitement, it's tempting to rush out and start lining up a bunch of bridesmaids and groomsmen, but it's wise to take a few days or weeks (depending on how soon you plan to tie the knot) to carefully consider your choices. After all, if you run into a high school pal in the mall and blurt out an invitation to join your wedding party just because you're happy to see her, there's no socially correct way to “un-ask” her when you come to your senses later on! (Hey, it's happened!)

Things to Consider When Selecting Your Attendants

• When choosing your bridal party, you and your groom should select the people with whom you are closest. Being a member of the party is an honor you extend to your best buds and favorite family members. That said, you might also consider including a future sister- or brother-in-law or stepchild as a nice gesture-even if you aren't yet that close to them.

• The number of attendants you choose is entirely up to you. If you're having a small, informal affair you may only want one or two attendants. Formal weddings tend to have more attendants-anywhere from five or six to twelve or more. Just keep in mind that the more attendants you have, the bigger chunk of your budget you'll need to earmark for things like flowers and wedding party gifts.

• If you have more special friends and family members than you can include in your bridal party, consider asking them to perform other tasks of honor. For example, they can do readings, sing (assuming, of course, that the person has a good voice), or distribute wedding programs before the ceremony.

• Before you ask people to be part of your bridal party, brush up on what's required of each person. Not sure? “The Wedding Party” for details about who does what. That way, you'll be prepared in case your chosen pals have any questions about what's expected of them.

• Ask your attendants-to-be well in advance of the wedding. When you ask, be sure to tell them the details you know, especially the wedding date and location (particularly important if you're having a destination wedding).

Those you ask needn't answer on the spot. Let them have a few days to decide.

• If someone declines (often due to geography or their financial situation), be gracious. Being a bridesmaid or usher is a significant commitment of time and money so be understanding if someone is unable to take that on. It's not a slight against you, and on the plus side, they're saving you the difficulty of having an attendant who's not fully invested in the wedding.

Copyright © 2004 by LifeTime Media, Inc. and Bridal Guide®

About the Author

Diane Forden is the Editor-in-Chief of Bridal Guide Magazine.