Getting Engaged

Bridal Guide Magazine's New Etiquette for Today's Bride
by Diane Forden

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It's official: You're getting married! And if you're like most women, once you were finally able to tear your eyes away from your fiancé and the newly placed ring on your left hand, your first thought was: “I can't wait to tell people!” Whether you immediately whipped out your cell phone to speed-dial your best friend or made a surprise visit to your parents' house to show off your rock, you probably realized that there are a lot of people who will want to hear about your engagement.

Start Spreading the News

If you haven't already, now's the time to start sharing your exciting news with the world-or at least your own special corner of the world. The first to hear the big announcement? That honor should go to your immediate families. Your parents and your fiancé's parents, as well as any children either of you have from previous relationships, should be told before anyone else. (If you have children, tell them alone-without your fiancé present- so they have time to digest the news and ask you questions.) Tradition calls for the bride's parents to learn of the engagement first, and then the groom's. But what if your parents or your fiancé's are divorced? You can inform one parent and then the other right after. That way, one parent doesn't find out much later than the other.

Spreading the word of your upcoming “I do's” to those closest to you-parents, siblings, and grandparents -is best done face-to-face. If your families are close by, it's fun to put a bottle of bubbly on ice and invite them over for cake and champagne when you make your announcement, or you can arrange a time to stop by their homes. If your folks or your groom-to-be's don't live nearby, now would be the perfect time to schedule a weekend visit. If your fiancé went the ultra-traditional route and informed your father of his intention to propose, then your parents will have a heads-up on the announcement. Still, visiting them with your new fiancé is a nice gesture. No doubt they'll want to celebrate with the two of you in person.

Once both sets of parents know of your engagement, it's nice to get them together for introductions. Tradition suggests that the mother of the groom calls the mother of the bride to relay her congratulations and extend an invitation to meet (getting together for brunch, dinner, or drinks are all good options). But that rule has been relaxed in recent years, and now it's perfectly fine for your mom to make the first move if she doesn't hear from your groom's mother within a few weeks. If your parents live too far apart to get together-say your parents live in San Antonio and his reside in Seattle-then a note from one mother to the other saying how pleased she is about the upcoming marriage is a thoughtful gesture.

When it comes to informing other family members and friends, you can either do it in person or over the telephone. E-mail is also acceptable these days. With your boss or coworkers, sharing the news face-to-face makes the most sense since you presumably see one another on a daily basis. If you work closely with colleagues in another location, though, phone or e-mail are equally effective.

Stop the Presses! I'm Getting Married!

Many couples choose to announce their engagement publicly in their local newspaper. This is a smart way to spread the news to a large number of people, since sending printed announcement cards is inappropriate. (Printed announcements should only be used to announce a wedding, not an engagement. For information on sending wedding announcements, “Invitations and Wedding Announcements.”) Newspaper announcements usually run two to three months prior to the wedding, but they can be published up to a year in advance. Consider placing your announcement in your and your fiancé's hometown papers, as well as the papers that serve the community in which you now live. Don't forget to include your engagement news in any alumni and professional publications that publish milestone announcements as well. Hold off on publishing your announcement, though, if either you or your fiancé is still legally married to another person (even if a divorce is pending), if either of you have had a very recent death in the family, or if an immediate family member is gravely ill.

How to Get Your Announcement Published

If the last time your name was in the local paper was when your high school softball team won the championship or you made the honor roll, it's time to brush up on what it takes to get your name in print. Since the requirements for engagement announcements vary by publication, you'll need to check with your paper to find out exactly what you need to do. (At many papers, the lifestyle editor is the person to contact.) Some newspapers provide an announcement form that you simply fill in and submit. Other papers give you more leeway to create your own announcement (read on for hints on how to do that), and still others give you the option of using their form or writing it yourself.

Also, find out if an engagement photo can be printed along with your announcement. Traditionally, an engagement photo was a solo portrait of the bride, but these days a couple shot is common. Some wedding photographers include a sitting for an engagement photo in their wedding packages. If yours doesn't (or if you haven't yet booked a photographer), it's perfectly fine to submit another good-quality, close-up photograph. Whether you go the professional or do-it-yourself route, be sure to check with your newspaper about any photo requirements. For example, does the picture you submit have to be a certain size? Are black and white or color both acceptable? Do you need a print of the photo or can you send the image digitally? Don't forget to find out ahead of time whether or not you can expect to have your photo returned. (Some papers instruct you to send a selfaddressed stamped envelope if you want your photo back; others don't return photos at all.) Finally, inquire about any costs associated with your engagement announcement. Many newspapers run them gratis, but others charge a fee.

Writing Your Announcement

If your newspaper doesn't have a standard form, or if you choose not to use it, you'll have to craft your own prose. Not a writer?

Don't panic. Engagement announcements are pretty standard. Shorter ones contain just basic information such as where each of you went to school and where you work. More detailed versions can get into where your parents work and live, and so on. Ready to begin? Take a look at the samples below for an idea of how announcements are usually written. Then check out Appendix A in this book to see how to word your announcement to add any special information that you'd like to include (graduate degrees, for example).

One final tip: Don't forget to include your street address, phone number, and e-mail address with the text of your announcement in case the newspaper staff needs to contact you for more information. You can even copy or tear out one of the forms in the appendix and use it to submit your announcement information.

Who Should Announce Your Engagement?

Your official engagement announcement can be made by your parents or by you and your fiancé. Some couples choose to announce their own engagement if they are hosting their own wedding or if they are older (and perhaps have been married before) and have been independent of their parents for some time. If both of your parents are deceased, a close relative such as a sibling, grandparent, aunt, or uncle can fill in.

Here's an example of how the traditional wording works:

Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Johnson of Cambridge, Massachusetts, announce the engagement of their daughter, Suzanne Marie Johnson, to Scott Thompson, son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Thompson of Albuquerque, New Mexico. A May wedding has been planned.

Customizing Your Announcement for Special Situations

Depending on your individual circumstances, you may want to modify the wording above. To find out how to phrase your announcement to suit other situations, like divorced or deceased parents or a second marriage.

Copyright © 2004 by LifeTime Media, Inc. and Bridal Guide®

About the Author

Diane Forden is the Editor-in-Chief of Bridal Guide Magazine.