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Dear Joan,
This is really embarrassing, but I don't have anyone else to talk to. I'm a twenty-year-old guy, and about a week ago I was with my girlfriend and we were making out. Anyway, my cock got hard, but when we were ready to do it, it wasn't. I couldn't get it inside, and despite all my efforts, I was done for the evening. Since then I've been with her once more and the same thing happened. She's been really nice about it and doesn't mention it at all, but I'm really terrified.

Is this permanent? Please help!!!
PJ

Dear PJ,
What you are probably battling is the occasional impotence that most men experience from time to time. I remember a male friend of mine saying that he was with a group of guys in their twenties and thirties and this topic came up. One man, after much stuttering and stammering, admitted that he was experiencing problems having sex with his wife. Several of the men nodded, so he said, "Okay, have any of you had problems getting or keeping an erection?" Almost every man said yes. He was amazed at how common a problem it was.

As to your difficulties, you'll probably realize that you were under a lot of stress at that time: work, classes, home problems, slight illness, and, of course, performance anxiety. Any of those conditions and dozens more can affect your ability to get or maintain an erection. Once the problem appears, it becomes its own source of stress and thus everything gets worse.

The cure? It's easy to say and much more difficult to do. You have to relax. It will help, as well, if you do discuss it with your girlfriend.

After all, she knows there's a problem and is probably frustrated at not knowing how to help you. Explain to her that you've been experiencing some stress-induced problems and that you'd like to spend time with her without any plans for intercourse. Suggest that, since there are so many ways to please a woman that don't require an erect penis, you want to make love to her with your hands, mouth, and such. Not only will that take the pressure off your body to perform, but your girlfriend, who sounds like a wonderful woman, supportive and generous, will be enjoying the experience thoroughly. Let her help by suggesting things she'd like: an erotic massage, a sensual joint bubble bath... well, you get the idea. Eventually, I think you'll find that the problem corrects itself. Of course, if it persists or there is any pain, swelling, or discharge, seek medical help.
Joan

Dear Joan,
I'm really troubled. My girlfriend and I have been doing it for several months now, and it's really pretty good. She seems happy and she comes most of the time we make love. However, I know my penis is smaller than the guy she used to date. Although she seems to come just about every time, I still worry that I'm not really satisfying her. What is the normal size of a penis, both in length and distance around? Mine's only five inches when I have an erection, and it's about three inches around.
Steve

Dear Steve,
There's an old saying: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You say that your girlfriend seems satisfied, so you certainly must be doing things right. Keep doing what you're doing and stop worrying about the size of your penis. It's obviously making her happy. Did you know that most women don't climax from thrusting alone anyway, so the size of the organ is not terribly relevant?

Okay, I know you want an answer to your other questions: Does size really matter? How big should my penis be? You aren't alone in wondering, and worrying. I think I get questions from men about the size of the penis more often than any other. Men seem obsessed by the physical properties of their organ, and I'm sure that worry detracts from their sexual pleasure and maybe their partner's pleasure as well. The best news I can give you is that men's fears are, for the most part, groundless.

From all I've read, the average erect penis is between five and seven inches long. The record, by the way, documented by a Dr. Robert Dickenson early in the twentieth century, was thirteen inches long. Girth? Most men have penises between two and four and a half inches in circumference, with some as large as six inches. Okay, guys, go measure.

That doesn't address the unspoken issue, however, and that is, Do women care?

Amazingly enough to men, most women neither care nor notice the size of a man's equipment after some initial curiosity. I've asked many women, and none of them seem to prefer to have intercourse with men who have larger penises. Most aren't even aware of the "normal" man's size. If the lovemaking is good, they're happy. If not, women seldom if ever discuss the size of a man's equipment-only his talent in bed.

Did you know that a woman's vaginal channel has nerve endings only in the first two inches? The remaining length is unable to feel anything anyway, so whatever length you have over the first two inches is a nonevent. As for girth, a woman's body is so flexible that it can expand to fit almost any size, and relax to hold even slender penises snugly.

A personal recollection: In the early 80s, before we needed to be concerned about AIDS, I indulged in a series of one-night stands and short-term relationships. I once spent the night with a man of amazing proportions. Although I seldom noticed the size of a man's organ, his was hard to miss, and of course he made sure I knew how "well hung" he was even before he removed his pants. I didn't have a ruler handy (evil grin) but he was larger than any man I've been with, before or since.

He, of course, was very proud of his amazing proportions. Unfortunately, he also believed that his size made up for any lack of finesse and consideration on his part. We got right to intercourse (and it wasn't lovemaking by any stretch of the imagination) with few preliminaries, and he failed to notice that I wasn't nearly lubricated enough, especially to allow penetration of his extra-large equipment. To make a very long experience short, by the end of the evening I was unsatisfied and sore, so sore in fact that I visited my gynecologist the following day. The doctor insisted on giving me a gigantic shot of penicillin, "just in case." Needless to say, that was the first and last evening I spent with Mr. Extra-large.

The moral of the story is, stop worrying about the size of your instrument and concentrate on the talent with which you play it. Become a good, considerate, communicative lover and your date will not even notice the size of your equipment.
Joan

Dear Joan,
My penis is only five inches long when erect and about three and a half inches when not. I know that's really small. Well, I'm willing to try anything to make my penis bigger-hormones, surgery, anything. What should I try first?
Pete

Dear Joan Elizabeth Lloyd,
I know you get all kinds of questions, and I hope you won't laugh at me. I've heard that hypnosis can increase the size of my penis. Is that true?
Danny

Dear Joan,
My penis is only four inches long, and I know that's too small to please a woman. Is there anything I can do to make my cock larger?
Stan

Dear Stan (and everyone else with a similar question), Most men's magazines and lots of adult websites advertise one product or another "guaranteed" to increase the size of the penis. Pills, herbal rubs, hypnosis, and even medical procedures are hyped to men who still believe that size matters. Do they work? Most don't, but even those men who succeed in getting something to happen only add a fraction of an inch.

I thought you might be interested in this letter.

Dear Joan,
I thought this tale might amuse you and help others who wonder about the size of their cock. This all happened several months ago.

For about six weeks I had been using a cream guaranteed to increase the size of my penis. I hadn't noticed anything happening, but I kept at it. Well, my wife arrived home unexpectedly one afternoon and found me rubbing the cream on. At first she thought it was a lubricant I was using to masturbate with. To cover my embarrassment, I told her what I was doing. She laughed. Actually laughed at me. I was mortified, until she told me that she had never even thought about the size of my penis. She reassured me that she loved making love with me and had no complaints at all about my size.

The ending of the story is that, since my cock was well lubricated, she spent the next hour proving to me how much she liked my penis just the way it was.
Thanks for listening,
A Guy from Kansas

So, Stan, IMHO, attempts at making your penis larger are a waste of time, energy, and money. I recently read an article on surgical penile enlargement in a men's magazine. It pointed out that, unlike breast enhancement surgery for women, with this surgery, men can't choose the size they want to be. A man can only gain an inch or two in length and less than an inch in girth. Seems like a lot of pain for a quite small gain. I think the time, energy, and even money would be much better spent on making yourself a better lover. Take time to flirt, tempt, and generally seduce your partner. Touch, stroke, and tease until the size of your equipment is the last thing on her mind. Just remember that it's not the size of the violin but the talent of the virtuoso.
I hope this helps.
Joan

Copyright © 2001 by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd

Tags: Erection and Penis Size, Sex and Romance, Sex and Romance For Men

About the Author

Hi. I'm Joan Eliabeth Lloyd. Let me tell you a bit about myself.