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Dear Joan,
I've been having a problem I hope you can help me with. I'm a twenty-four-year-old woman and I'm kind of new at sex. My problem is that I don't seem to get soaking wet the way I read in books. Is there some problem with me? What should I do?
Delia

Dear Delia,
Probably not. If you are experiencing any other physical problems, consult your doctor. Lack of lubrication can be a symptom of diabetes or other systemic condition. You might mention it at your next gynecological checkup, just to be on the safe side.

If you're in generally good health, however, your lack of lubrication is probably just the way your body is. The fluids are produced naturally by the mucous membranes that line the vaginal canal. Some women produce copious amounts of fluid, others very little. Since lubrication is a result of hormone changes during arousal, the amount of wetness can vary from one time in your monthly cycle to another as well.

Wetness is also a function of your level of arousal. As foreplay proceeds, your body produces lubricating fluids to ease penetration, but it's not automatic or immediate. It can take from ten to twenty minutes for some women to get moist, so relax and enjoy the buildup.

If lack of lubrication is harming your sexual encounters, there is an obvious solution. Use a water-based lubricant, such as K-Y Jelly or Astroglide, both available in your local drug or variety store. It feels wonderful and makes sex slippery and delightful. By the way, your partner should enjoy the slithery sensation as well.

One last thing. Don't believe all that is written in romance novels. Real women don't necessarily respond the way those ladies in the books do. Remember that they seem to be able to make love on the carpet in front of the fireplace without any carpet burns or messy wet spots. Enough said.
Joan

Dear Joan,
I don't necessarily smell so sweet "down there." Do you recommend douching before a date with my boyfriend?
Annette

Dear Annette,
No. The vagina cleans itself naturally and healthfully, all by itself, even during menstruation. Careful daily washing is usually sufficient to keep your body clean and good-smelling. Douching can increase your risk of infection by removing the natural disease-fighting organisms. So shower and enjoy.
Joan

Dear Joan,
A quick question. Can douche prevent conception?
Milly

Dear Milly,
No!!!!!!
Joan

Dear Joan,
Okay, I'll admit my ignorance. Exactly where is the clitoris? J
ames T.

Dear James,
The clitoris is a pea-sized structure located at the front of the vaginal area, just where the inner lips meet. When a woman isn't aroused, it can be quite difficult to find, since it retreats beneath a pad of tissue called a hood. When a woman gets excited during sex, the clitoris swells and protrudes from its covering. Stroking the clitoris gently can bring a woman great sexual pleasure, but let your lady guide you in this. Like any other part of the body, some women's clitorises are very sensitive, others find it takes quite a bit of pressure to give pleasure.

This also varies during arousal. Many women, myself included, find that too much rubbing, particularly when very excited, can be irritating.

Let her reactions guide you.

And once you've found the clitoris, James, don't decide that it's all you have to know about arousing a woman. It's a wonderful part of foreplay, but it's not the only part. Don't ignore all the other erotic parts of a woman's body: lips, breasts, legs, arms, hands, neck ... You get the idea.
Joan

Copyright © 2001 by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd

About the Author

Hi. I'm Joan Eliabeth Lloyd. Let me tell you a bit about myself.