The Stress Factory

Just Your Type : Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type
by Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron-Tieger

(Page 5 of 5)

Of all the different age groups, the people who claim they are the “least satisfied” are those in the 31- to 40-year-old range. They are arguably under the greatest amount of pressure, as these are the critical years for building careers, making major financial decisions (such as the purchase of homes and cars), and starting to invest for the future. Add to this becoming and being parents, which is perhaps the biggest source of stress on a couple. Although the overwhelming majority of parents consider children to be their greatest source of happiness, they are also the number one cause of stress. Since your personality type influences your values and your parenting style, it makes sense that parents of different types are more likely to experience great conflict over issues involving children, such as how demanding and how consistent or flexible to be. Good communication becomes even more important. Given the crushing pressure on people in this age group, it's not surprising that they experience the highest rate of divorce. This is the critical time when relationships either sink or sail. Most people in this group have been together for seven to fifteen years; many haven't been especially happy for a long time, and they may secretly be wondering, “Is this all there is for me?” Others who are drifting apart may feel that if things aren't going to get any better, they may as well leave now, while they're still young (and attractive) enough to find another mate.

But there is reason to be optimistic for people who hang in there and honestly look at themselves and their partners, take responsibility for their shortcomings, and find compassion for their partners' imperfections. Since the two greatest sources of stress are career and parenting, our research shows that the more satisfied people are in these areas, the happier they are in their relationships. Knowing your type can help you make positive changes on both fronts, and those who are able to weather the storm often emerge with a much stronger, closer relationship than they had before.

It's Gettin' Better All the Time

But the news gets even better for people who stay together longer. People age 41 to 50 report more satisfaction, and those 51 to 60 report even more satisfaction due in great part to growing maturity, increased self-awareness and understanding of their partners, greater career stability and satisfaction, and less financial pressure. As couples become more realistic in their expectations, they are generally better able to accommodate the conflicts in their relationships, and, most important, they have learned how to communicate with their partners in ways that work. This is often true of people in second or third marriages as well, since they've learned much from their past experiences. And by age 61 to 70, many couples say they're having the best times of their lives - especially if they enjoy good health and don't have excessive financial concerns. Not only do they have relatively few responsibilities, but they also finally have the time to pursue interests they may have deferred during their working years. As couples, they have strengthened their bond through decades of life experiences and have come to know each other well. In essence, they have learned through decades of being together - and lots of tough times - the secrets that Personality Type can offer people earlier on: how to understand, accept, and appreciate their partners for who they are. This is the gift of Personality Type. So whether your relationship has been going on for two months or twenty years, this book will help you see and appreciate your partner in an entirely new light.

*

How to Get Started

Great rewards await you and your partner, but achieving them will require some pretty active participation on your part. Think of this as a workbook, an interactive guide for the two of you to share. We'll give you plenty of step-by-step instructions as you work through this exciting and thought-provoking experience. We know from conducting the interviews that the couples who answered our research questions together (even those who had been together for decades) learned important things about their partners that they had never known before. Many found a new appreciation for their partners, and most felt a renewed sense of hope, enthusiasm, and attraction for each other. And more than a few couples told us that it was as if they were finding each other for the first time.

Despite all our independence, human beings are at heart social animals. We seem to be designed to be part of a twosome. In fact, even though more than 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, most divorced people remarry within a couple of years. It seems we all want to be in a satisfying relationship, even if different types define a satisfying relationship differently. By discovering how to make constructive and loving use of the natural differences between you and your partner, you can create the kind of relationship that works for both of you. Personality Type is a tool you can use to strengthen and perhaps save your relationship so it can grow and change with you over a lifetime.

Copyright © 2000 by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger

About the Author

Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger have been married for many years, and are internationally recognized experts in the application of Personality Type. Their other books include the bestselling Do What You Are, Nurture by Nature, and, most recently, The Art of SpeedReading People. They live in West Hartford, Connecticut.

Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger have been married for many years, and are internationally recognized experts in the application of Personality Type. Their other books include the bestselling Do What You Are, Nurture by Nature, and, most recently, The Art of SpeedReading People. They live in West Hartford, Connecticut.