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Debunking the Myth That It's All About Gender

There's no denying that those who espouse the viewpoint that gender is an inevitable barrier to good communication have struck a chord with millions of people who are frustrated with the way they deal with their partners. Most people would agree that men and women are different, and in some very profound ways. Some women do fit the female stereotype of being sensitive, emotional, nurturing, and open, just as some men fit the male stereotype of being tough, competitive, emotionally self-contained, and independent. But as our research study demonstrated, it turns out these men and women represent only between 30 and 40 percent of the American population. Although advice based on such gender stereotypes often is helpful to these individuals, it doesn't accurately describe the 60 to 70 percent of people who don't fit the stereotype.

So if it isn't gender that accounts for the communication failures between people that are the leading cause of conflict, what is it? It is our personality differences, our basic natures. People are not all the same. We have different energy levels, notice different aspects of the world around us, make decisions based on different criteria, and structure our lives in different ways depending on what makes us most comfortable. These important and fundamental characteristics combine to create the whole personality, a sum total that goes way beyond our gender. This is a comprehensive perspective we get through the powerful insights of Personality Type.

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Welcome to the Wonderful World of Personality Type

Actually, there's a pretty good chance you're already familiar with Personality Type, and perhaps you've even discovered your own type by reading one of the many books on the subject, taking a psychological inventory called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI),* or attending a workshop or seminar. Over the past twenty-five years, Personality Type has helped more than thirty million people gain valuable insights into themselves and others and become more successful in their personal and professional lives. Originally based on the work of Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, the popularity of Personality Type is due to the work of two remarkable American women, Katharine Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers. It is such an exceptional tool that it is used by thousands of counselors, therapists, and educators every day, and it is considered by many Fortune 500 companies to be the most effective tool for improving interpersonal communication.

So what is Personality Type, and how does knowing about it help people communicate better? Personality Type is a system of understanding human behavior. There are sixteen distinctly different personality types - all equally valuable, each with its own natural strengths and potential weaknesses. And although every individual is unique, people of the same type are often remarkably similar in important ways, such as how outgoing or private, realistic or imaginative, logical or emotional, or serious or playful they are. Rather than relying on limiting stereotypes about men and women, Personality Type paints a clearer and richer portrait of a person by enabling each individual to understand his or her values, drives, and motivations. In hundreds of in-depth interviews with couples of each combination who know and use Personality Type to better understand each other, it wasn't at all surprising that practically all of them echoed the same sentiment: “I only wish we had learned about Type earlier in our relationship. It would have made all the difference in the world!” And when asked what advice they would give to other couples of their same type combination, virtually all said the same thing: “Learn about Personality Type.”

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About the Authors

As avid students of this powerful model of human behavior, we've conducted research, written four books, and trained thousands of professionals in the use of Personality Type for more than twenty years. We began as career counselors and wrote the best-selling Do What You Are, a book that helped more than half a million people find more satisfying careers by matching work with their personality types. As parents, we next wrote Nurture by Nature, a guide that helps partners understand their children's types so they can be more respectful and nurturing parents and reduce the number of conflicts they have with their children. At the urging of many colleagues and readers, we next wrote The Art of SpeedReading People, a system that teaches how to size up other people instantly so you can speak their language. Now we tackle the important topic of helping couples better understand and appreciate each other so they might build more satisfying relationships.

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Copyright © 2000 by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger

Tags: Relationships, Finding Love and Soulmate, Personality, Relationship Communication, Gender Studies

About the Author

Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger have been married for many years, and are internationally recognized experts in the application of Personality Type. Their other books include the bestselling Do What You Are, Nurture by Nature, and, most recently, The Art of SpeedReading People. They live in West Hartford, Connecticut.

About the Author

Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger have been married for many years, and are internationally recognized experts in the application of Personality Type. Their other books include the bestselling Do What You Are, Nurture by Nature, and, most recently, The Art of SpeedReading People. They live in West Hartford, Connecticut.