Date Your Mate

Kid CEO: How to Keep Your Children from Running Your Life
by Ed Young

(Page 7 of 7)

The final, and perhaps most important, idea I want to introduce in this first chapter about setting the agenda is the need to date your mate. Yes, that means actually going out on dates the way you did before you were married. I believe so strongly in this marriage principle that by the end of the book, you will probably get tired of reading about it. But please do not miss the importance of these regular one-on-one times in building a marriage that will outlast the parenting years.

Let me also emphasize here that this section on dating your mate is just scraping the tip of the intimacy iceberg. I have included an entire section on marital intimacy during the parenting years, but I want to highlight the importance of this principle now as a foundational priority in reorganizing the home.

Here are several reasons why you should date your mate. The first is that it makes economic sense. It pays huge dividends to date your mate. I know what you're thinking: “Ed, what does dating my spouse have to do with economics?” The long-term payoff of regular dating is the money you will save on divorce lawyers later on! If you don't keep romance and intimacy as top priorities, if you neglect the marital date night, divorce will come knocking at your door. So, why not date the man or woman who stole your heart years ago? It will save you a lot of money and heartache in the long run. Noted author and psychologist Henry Cloud wrote, “A marriage is only as strong as what it costs to protect it.” Pay the price now to keep your marriage on solid ground.

The second reason you should date your mate is that it makes spiritual sense. Marriage is a holy covenant. In fact, marriage is a spiritual commitment on steroids. You are modeling to others around you what it means to have a great marriage. You have made a covenant before God to love, honor, and cherish this person for life. Fulfilling that covenant is a mark of spiritual growth and maturity. The marriage relationship is so important that it represents the relationship Christ has with the church. It is a spiritual and mystical union that gives us a human picture of the spiritual and mystical union of the body of Christ. When you are making a regular, intimate connection with your spouse, your relationship with God will be impacted in a positive way.

It makes economic sense and spiritual sense. And third, it also makes relational sense. By going out on dates and leaving your children with a sitter, you are modeling what marriage should be for your kids when they grow up. Dr. Laura Smith reminded us of the importance of modeling as parents: “If you want your kids to turn out well, you need to demonstrate the values, behavior, and self-control you want to see in them.” Dating your mate teaches your kids that Mom and Dad's marriage is the most important relationship in the family. It also teaches them independence and responsibility. They learn early on that sometimes Mom and Dad will leave together, but they also learn that they will come back.

If you are worried about their crying when you leave, think about the alternative. You can either let them cry for a few minutes now, or you can cry a river of tears later when your marriage ends up on the rocks because you didn't make the date night a priority. The choice is up to you. Kids are going to cry, and most of the time it's good for them. Don't let a few tears keep you and your mate from doing what you know is most important for your marriage and your family.

Let me ask you again: how does your family fall in line with God's organizational chart? Maybe it's time to take a long, hard look at who is sitting in the study-in the corner office. Whose rear is parked in the driver's seat of the family bus? Who's running the show? Who's sitting in the corner office? If you have allowed your kids to take over the family, you need to make the choice now before God to reorder and reorganize your family. As a godly parent, commit yourself right now to being the kind of leader God meant for you to be, to do this family thing God's way. The last time I checked, God's way is the only way for true success-in marriage, in the family, and in life.

This commitment is the most important step in creating a parent-CEO household. As you get into the rugged plains of reality, you will be tempted to turn back. Your kids will not welcome the change (in fact, they will fight it tooth and nail), and especially in the initial stages it would be so easy just to give in to them. So set your resolve to stick with this program for the long haul. And then, having made that resolve, keep reading to discover the details of what a parent-CEO household looks like.

Copyright © 2004 by Edwin B. Young

About the Author

ED YOUNG is senior pastor of Fellowship Church in Grapevine, TX, one of the fastest-growing churches of the past century. Ed's other books include High Definition Living and Know Fear. He and his wife have been married for over twenty years and have four children.