God's Dynamic Design for the Family

Kid CEO: How to Keep Your Children from Running Your Life
by Ed Young

(Page 3 of 7)

While standing on the banks of the Buffalo River in Moran, Wyoming, I was awestruck by the order and organization evident in creation. From the waterways flowing from the heart of the Grand Tetons to the fish and wildlife that get their food and water from their life-giving supply, I realized with greater clarity at that moment that everything has a certain order, flow, or system to it. Successful companies are well organized. Winning teams work together in perfect harmony. And dynamic families must also function according to their design in order to go and flow as a unit.

The great thing about the design for the family is that there is no need to wonder what that is or where to find it. Because God is a God of order, he has already established an organizational pattern for all of creation, including the family. This may be a foreign concept to you. You may never have seen a statement like that before and wonder where I got such an idea. In the introduction of this book, I wrote that I believe there is a Source for the answers we seek in parenting and in life. That Source is God himself. He has written the book on life and in that book, the Bible, we can find the answers for what is unarguably life's most challenging role, that of parenting.

Throughout the coming pages, I am going to quote various passages from the Bible that relate to parenting. If you have a Bible handy and want to look these up yourself, that's great, but I will always include the actual wording from each passage as well as where you can find it in the Bible. Even if these biblical concepts are a bit new for you, I ask you to keep reading as we take a closer look at God's dynamic design for the family.

The Family Flow Chart

First of all, picture in your mind a flow chart. Do you know the kind I'm talking about? Businesses use these to determine the chain of command in a company. The head of the company is at the top-the CEO, the president, the executive director, or whatever title has been designated for that office. We are going to use a similar flow chart to map out the chain of command in the family. In the top box of the family flow chart, we are going to write a single three-letter word: God.

GOD

God is at the top of the organizational chart for everything, including the family.

The Bible, life's instruction book, tells us, “Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are his dear children” (Eph. 5:1). We're God's children. Isn't that an incredible thought? If we have established a relationship with God through his Son, Jesus Christ, we are children of God. And as his children, we are to imitate him in word, thought, and action. That means that we should obey him. It's that simple. His standards should set the standards for how we behave as parents and how we teach our children to behave.

You could say that God is the first order of order in the home. For Christ-followers, that should be a given. The first two of the Ten Commandments-“Do not worship any other gods besides me” and “Do not make idols of any kind” (Exod. 20:3-4)-place God at the center of our existence. So naturally it follows that he should be at the center of our homes as well. Service in the community, love for our neighbors, good manners, a strong work ethic, effective discipline, a thriving marriage-all of these flow from this first order of order in the home.

The next tier of the family flow chart relates to the marriage relationship. Again in Ephesians 5, we see God's design is for man and woman to unite together in the spiritual and physical union of marriage (5:21). The significance of this relationship is made clear by its comparison to Christ's relationship with the Church (5:25). It is a picture of Christ's sacrificial love for us. And it is built on mutual love and respect flowing from that supernatural love. God is first. And then the love relationship between husband and wife comes second.

After our love for God, there is no greater love than that of a man for his wife or a woman for her husband. What that will look like on our flow chart is this: in the same box we will write Husband and Wife and draw a horizontal line connecting the two words. It looks something like this:

GOD
HUSBAND-WIFE

The two are side by side and in the same box to signify that they are one flesh and coequal in the eyes of God. The Bible teaches that marriage, the one-flesh connection between man and woman, is the most important human relationship in the family. This special union between husband and wife was originated by God in the very beginning (Gen. 2:24) and continues to be the foundation of both family and society.

A successful family begins by putting God first and then working to make sure the marriage relationship takes a place of prominence in the family. The best thing you can do as a parent is to have an amazing marriage. It is the greatest gift you could ever give your children. As the marriage takes its proper place, everything else in the family will fall in line. I cannot say this enough: as the marriage goes, so goes the family.

You may wonder as you continue to read this book, “Is this book about parenting or marriage?” It is about both. I do not believe you can talk about reclaiming parental control of the home without addressing the priority of marriage. Even if you are a single parent, you must understand the critical importance of the marriage relationship in the family dynamics before you even consider entering into another marriage.

Can you see the family flow chart beginning to take shape? God is at the top. The husband and wife are in the next tier. And then below them are the children. On our chart, there will be a line coming from the Husband-Wife box to a box below them labeled Children.

GOD
HUSBAND-WIFE
CHILDREN

Later in the book of Ephesians, we read, “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do” (6:1). Children fall in line under the parents' authority. This has been God's design from the beginning.

You may be thinking, “Ed, are you saying that children are not important? Are you saying that we should not love them sacrificially?” No, that is not what I'm trying to communicate. I love my kids, and I would give my life for them. But the relationship I have with Lisa, my wife, must take priority over my kids, just as my relationship with God must take priority over my wife.

If that sounds harsh, it's not. Setting these priorities is the most loving thing you and I can do. When we follow God's organizational plan, the rest takes care of itself. Our love for God serves as the motivation to love our spouses as Christ loved the church, and then that Christlike love we have for our spouses serves as a model of love for our children.

Have you begun to identify a leadership crisis in your family? If so, you may need to initiate a leadership takeover of your home. If your children are taking top tier on the family organizational chart, it's time for you to tell them to clean out their office. You're not firing the children, but you're moving them to the position they should hold. That's what this book is all about. I am going to show you how you can take your proper role in the home as parents and how to put your kids in their place as well. Remember, God has an order for everything. God is not a God of chaos; he's a God of organization. There is a flow chart for the family, a chain of command. And we must follow that chain of command if we hope to have a family that is running on all cylinders.

Copyright © 2004 by Edwin B. Young

About the Author

ED YOUNG is senior pastor of Fellowship Church in Grapevine, TX, one of the fastest-growing churches of the past century. Ed's other books include High Definition Living and Know Fear. He and his wife have been married for over twenty years and have four children.