Part 2

What Kids Really Want That Money Can't Buy: Tips for Parenting in a Commercial World
by Betsy Taylor

(Page 2 of 2)

Back to those basketball shoes. My son loved them. He wore them every day, took meticulous care of them, played excellent basketball. So I guess there's a happy ending to the anecdote.

But I'm still conflicted. I want my son to be happy. I want his needs to be met. I want him to find common ground with his peers. I want him to pursue what he loves doing. But I also want him to think critically and at least consider my value system, to know the value of money, and what it can and can't do. I don't want him to need overpriced shoes. None of the things I wish most fervently for him require any specific brand name.

Those shoes weren't going to make or break our family budget. But they also weren't going to make or break my son's life, or his basketball game either. The problem was, he genuinely felt they would. We could afford them. My son doesn't ask for much, really. We indulged him.

If you've ever done anything like that, you probably identify with the parents interviewed for the Center's poll who were worried about how our commercial culture is affecting their kids. We talked to hundreds of parents nationwide about their struggles with materialism. Almost two thirds said their own children define their self-worth in terms of possessions. More than half reported buying their children a product that they disapproved of because their children wanted it in order to fit in with their friends. Nearly a third admitted they are working longer hours to pay for not-strictly-necessary things their kids nonetheless feel they need. This is an issue that cuts across all geographic areas and all income levels.

Parents place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the advertising and marketing aimed specifically at children. Eighty-seven percent said advertising makes kids too materialistic. Seventy percent feel that marketing hurts children's self-esteem and has a negative effect on their values and worldview.

Parents are right to be worried. Virtually from birth, children are bombarded with TV commercials, banner ads, billboards, product placements, radio ads, corporate logos, and more. Kids have more of their own money to spend than ever before-and advertisers want it. American kids ages four to twelve spent $31.3 billion of their own money in 1999. In 2001 teenagers spent $172 billion. Children also influence an estimated $300 billion that parents spend annually, making them even more attractive to marketers. So companies spend their ad budgets-to the tune of billions a year-to try to get kids to buy, buy, buy and to influence how much and precisely what their parents buy. Chapter 11, Shelter from the Storm, discusses in detail the impact of corporate marketing to children, but for now, it's worth remembering that no child is immune to commercialism. Nearly half of all parents we surveyed reported that their children began asking for brand-name products by age five. Over one in five parents said it started by age three. The children may not know their letters or numbers yet, but they can spot a corporate logo from a mile away.

What do kids make of all this? They've never been shy about telling us what they want to have or buy. We are more than familiar with their desire for money and material goods. But is there something more we are not hearing? What else do they want?

As I mentioned earlier, the Center for a New American Dream sponsored a national art and essay contest posing this question to kids under eighteen. What we officially asked is: What do you really want that money can't buy? Besides being greatly impressed by the sheer volume of responses we received (over two thousand), and being touched by how many children were clearly ready to be heard on this subject, I also was deeply moved by the depth and power of their answers. Their pictures and essays made me laugh, cry, and ultimately feel renewed hope for our common future. Perhaps we don't give our children enough credit for their innate wisdom. This book offers you a chance to listen to their voices and, in the process, to get reacquainted with your own heartfelt longings.

The following chapters delve more deeply into what kids want on the themes kids kept coming back to time and again: parents, extended family, free time, friends, the natural world, spirituality, acceptance, health, and making the world a better place. Frequently, the kids shared their pain or anxieties as well. They wrote of feeling trapped by narrow definitions of success-perfect bodies, clothes, performances, games, and test scores. They expressed a desire to transcend the pressure to do whatever it takes to get ahead. In their quest for deeper relationships, they complained of being too busy, managing overloaded schedules, going through the correct motions, and rarely having time to stop the rush of life. Some said this had resulted in depression, escapism, and uncertainty about their self-worth. Yet in the midst of all their worries and hopes, we heard the unifying message that kids want to give and receive love.

Nine-year-old Mary touched on nearly every aspect of what kids said they want in life with this lovely poem:

What do I want that money can't buy?
A raindrop, a dewdrop, the fourth of July.
The pride that comes with a job well done,
My name on the honor roll or a medal I've won.
My mom's bedtime stories-whether funny or scary,
A nighttime visit from the generous Tooth Fairy.
Snow days that keep me home from school,
The sand between my toes and the public pool.
Fireflies illuminating a dark summer night,
The prefect autumn day to fly a kite.
Wrestling with my brothers or hugging my dad,
Helping my little sister read makes me feel so glad.
What I really want more than anything, are the
Things that money can't buy,
Like love, laughter, happiness-
and the beauty of a sunset that makes me just sigh.

The story of my son's shoes crystallizes the challenge of parenting in a commercial culture. We want our kids to be happy and well adjusted, but at the same time we don't want to give in to corrupting commercial influences. What I hope to provide in this book is deeper insight into what kids themselves say they really want from life, along with constructive tips, resources, and ideas for meeting our children's true wants and needs.

The book is divided into two sections. In chapters 1 through 10 I've focused on what kids say they really want that money can't buy. You will read excerpts from many of their essays in these chapters, on the themes they kept coming back to time and again.

The second section, chapters 11 through 13, begins with an analysis of commercial influences on kids and then focuses on more specific strategies for protecting children from advertising. I make many suggestions for helping kids find fun and fulfillment. Each chapter offers tips and resources for further consideration. The book concludes with an invitation to ask yourself the same question: What do I really want that money can't buy? As you hear from our nation's young people about what really matters to them, consider what most matters to you. This book doesn't have all the answers, but I hope it helps you find your way in our increasingly commercial world.

Copyright © 2003 by The Center for the New American Dream

About the Author

BETSY TAYLOR is the founder and President of the Center for a New American Dream, a non-profit group that helps Americans resist excessive commercialism and consume wisely to protect the environment, improve quality of life, and enhance social justice. She has a masters degree in public administration from Harvard University and graduated summa cum laude with a BA from Duke University. All author proceeds from this book will be donated to the Center for a New American Dream.