What DO Kids Really Want That Money Can't Buy?

What Kids Really Want That Money Can't Buy: Tips for Parenting in a Commercial World
by Betsy Taylor

THIS BOOK is for any parent who has been asked-okay, begged-for the latest toy, item of clothing, electronic gadget, or junk food. It's for any moms or dads who have spent money they didn't really have to meet their kids' demands, or bought something they didn't really approve of in response to those demands. If you've ever been mind-boggled by the sheer amount of stuff in your kids' rooms, or wondered if it is possible to escape the excessive materialism of our times, this book is for you.

Raising kids in today's noisy, fast-paced culture is difficult. Each day, kids are exposed to a barrage of commercial images and messages clamoring to sell them something. The result is a new generation of hyperconsumers growing up right in front of our eyes. For many kids and adults alike, the drumbeat of our times is about never stopping in the race to get ahead-no matter the cost.

Yes, we live in a time of extraordinary opportunities and choices. Yet there are costs to our frenzied focus on acquisition, not all of them monetary. Kids and adults are speeding through life trying to do and get as much as possible. As a result, many young people complain of sleep deprivation, stress, and depression. Commercial pressures also encourage spending rather than saving. In 2001, for the sixth year in a row, more Americans declared bankruptcy than graduated from college. University administrators cite financial mismanagement as a crisis among college students, and the average personal savings rate in the United States has plummeted.

Parents worry that their children define their self-worth through possessions and have little or no ability to delay gratification. One national poll found that 85 percent of parents are worried that their kids are becoming too materialistic. And though we don't think about it too often, creating a whole new generation of superconsumers threatens the environment as well. Americans consume more paper, energy, and aluminum per capita than any other group on earth, and our kids have grown accustomed to our throwaway culture.

When a society is so preoccupied with material things, children and adults lose touch with noncommercial sources of happiness. As noted author and clinical psychologist Mary Pipher, who wrote the introduction to this book, put it, “This generation is the 'I want' generation. They have been educated to entitlement and programmed for discontent. Ads have encouraged this generation to have material expectations they can't fulfill.” Many parents want to provide a little shelter from the “more is better” culture and help their kids reconnect to slower rhythms and nonmaterial simple pleasures.

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I've struggled with these issues myself, both as a mother of two preteens, and as director of the Center for a New American Dream, a nonprofit organization that challenges commercialism and helps individuals and institutions consume responsibly. As one of our initiatives, the Center surveyed American parents on their attitudes about kids and commercialism-and found, to no one's surprise, that they are very troubled. Our nationwide poll showed that the vast majority of parents feel their kids are overly materialistic, and many feel they are losing ground in the struggle for the hearts, minds, and wallets of their children. Almost four out of five parents think that marketing puts pressure on kids to buy things that are too expensive, or bad for them.

We all want our kids to be successful and happy, yet it often seems that more stuff is all our kids do want. So we decided to ask the kids themselves what they want that money can't buy, by sponsoring an art and essay contest posing that question. The answers we received were moving, powerful, and simple. Our kids do want more than material things. Much more. They want time to enjoy life, and more old-fashioned fun. They want more meaning and purpose and less stress and homework. Kids want respect and friends who will like them for who they really are. Most of all, they are asking for love.

By highlighting what kids really want that money can't buy, this book suggests how to meet your children's deeper wants and needs. To parents from all walks of life, it offers practical tips for raising healthy kids in a commercial world. Most of all, it will help you slow down and rediscover life's simple pleasures with your children.

I must confess right up front that I bought my son a pair of overpriced basketball shoes. Yes, I spent $129 on one pair of shoes-shoes that are at least twice the price of similar quality shoes thanks to the famous name attached. Shoes I knew my son would outgrow in a matter of months!

Still, I bought them. I bought them because my son pushed for them. He wheedled. He asked nicely. He mounted arguments worthy of the best trial lawyers and philosophers. He wore me down.

Does any of this sound familiar? Commissioned by my organization in May 2002, a poll of teenagers showed that the average American twelve- to seventeen-year-old will nag nine times to get a product his or her parent refuses to purchase, and about half the parents give in at the end of all that pestering. Maybe it isn't shoes that capture your kids' attention, but I'm willing to bet that you've had a similar household debate, probably more than once! Your son or daughter may want a cell phone “like everyone else,” or “need” expensive low-cut jeans and designer flip-flops. Perhaps you're being lobbied for yet another video game with a parental advisory label for violence. You may be one of those parents who can't make it down the grocery store aisle without hearing cries of “buy this!” every few feet. (Why doesn't this ever happen in the produce aisle?)

Or the symptoms in your house may be subtler. Are you contemplating an elaborate birthday party for your four-year-old, laying down gobs of money for a fancy outing for twenty kids, and then even more money on thematic goody bags? Is your middle-schooler unable to put together one complete outfit without a corporate logo on it? Have you ever worried if you are spending enough on a gift for your child to bring to someone else's party? Do you often spend your “family time” at the mall, even if there's nothing in particular you need?

It's almost unavoidable. Ours is a consumer culture. There's tremendous pressure to get, buy, have, and spend, and children are by no means immune to that; in fact, they are the most vulnerable to it. Marketing to children has reached new heights. According to recent marketing industry studies, advertisers are working to get brand loyalty from kids as early as age two.

Copyright © 2003 by The Center for the New American Dream

About the Author

BETSY TAYLOR is the founder and President of the Center for a New American Dream, a non-profit group that helps Americans resist excessive commercialism and consume wisely to protect the environment, improve quality of life, and enhance social justice. She has a masters degree in public administration from Harvard University and graduated summa cum laude with a BA from Duke University. All author proceeds from this book will be donated to the Center for a New American Dream.