Getting A Date For The Office Holiday Party

by Toni Coleman, LCSW

The memo went out a few weeks ago. Your company is planning a big bash at a really nice place downtown. The food and music will be great and the air festive. So, why are you racking your brains for a way to bow out gracefully? Perhaps you can be away or maybe a family or other emergency can be invented? Anything seems better than coming dateless once again to the office holiday party. Or, maybe, you can still find a date…

If you are among the many singles that have come to dread this season opener, you may be in need of a little support and advice on handling this yearly ritual. Let's begin with your list of options:

• Attend without a date
• Politely decline in advance, saying you will be away during that time
• Decline because you have to attend another event you have already committed to
• Come up with a last minute family or other emergency
• Find a date

You first task is to decide which one of these options is best for you. My guess is that most of you will be choosing either going dateless or finding a date. After all, it is your party and you really would like to go, if only…

If your choice is to go dateless, you are probably focused on what others may think (dateless again?), or how you will feel being without a date when “everyone” else has one. We all know that there really is nothing you can do about what others may think. However, how you approach a solo evening is up to you. Begin with planning in advance who you will be spending the most time with. Yes, you will “do the rounds”, but you will want to make sure you are seated for dinner with co-workers you will have the most fun with. Perhaps you can plan something earlier in the day with good friends. Shopping, an early movie or a tree trimming party would help make the day an enjoyable one, regardless of your dateless evening. Or, you can cut the office party short and meet up with friends for a late movie, live music, etc. Either way, you are guaranteed some easy play and relaxation with friends.

If you want to attend your party with a date, it's time to get busy and creative. Work through the usual list of ways to find a date first. These generally include:

• Asking a good friend
• Asking an acquaintance
• Asking friends if they know of anyone who would be open to attending a nice party as your date
• Asking a relative, neighbor

If none of these are workable options, consider something new and creative. What about one of these?

• Put a line in your personal ad letting people know you are looking for a date for this event. A pre-planned, pre-paid date may be interesting and eye-catching.
• Place a free personal ad in your local paper describing your right office party date type. Include date only, with details to follow.
• Consider offering a swap in the above two. I'll go to yours if you go to mine.
• Log onto craigslist.com and post a notice, again giving only the date and area. Details will follow if a good candidate responds.

Would you be surprised to know that there are many singles like yourself looking for compatible people to go to parties and events with? There are also many folks who are new to an area, recently out of a relationship, etc. who are looking for friendship or someone to share interests with. The trick is in finding people who would be compatible with you and your interests. As long as you follow the usual rules of screening and safety, these options could be fun and could lead to a nice evening, a new friend, a potential love or all of the above.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: I am a very attractive 30's female. I have been working for the same company for over 7 years. I like my job and have friends there with whom I socialize. However, my dating life has been a source of frustration for me. I rarely meet men that I am interested in that feel the same way. Therefore, I rarely date. I have heard from work friends that I have been the subject of conversation regarding my unattached status. I almost never discuss it with anyone there, and feel that some people even wonder about (and discuss) my sexual orientation. I am straight.

My office Holiday party is in a few weeks. I have never had a date. I have considered not going, but this would not be viewed as ok. Yet, I fear it will be hard to deal with any questions, looks, etc. when I go solo (as usual). Is there a better way to handle this? What do other singles do?

A: You are not alone. This is a subject that comes up a lot at this time of year. To begin with, you have no control over what anyone might think about your dating relationship life. The people who are your friends know what you are all about, and probably do what they can to dispel those kinds of rumors. Fortunately, this kind of gossip is generally short lived, especially when it is unfounded.

You have a choice to make here and it should be based on what YOU really want to (and need to) do for yourself. If not going feels right, then that is what you should do. However, if you believe it is frowned upon and will create problems for you, either at work or in your relationships with co-workers and supervisors, then focus on how you can make going an ok choice for yourself. A few thoughts:

• Make the whole day festive. Plan to do something relaxing and fun earlier in the day with friends. You can go shopping for gifts as a group and break for lunch or a movie, or both. How about a tree trimming party at your place? You and a few friends could bake holiday treats, listen to music and just enjoy the day together. Or, you could cut the office party short and meet up with friends for a late movie, live music or a later party. By planning a day that includes guaranteed fun for you, the office party will not be the focus and you feel less anxious about the whole experience.
• PLAN to go the office party with single co-workers or ones that you really enjoy who are coupled. If you feel comfortable doing so, share your feelings in advance about being dateless. Knowing how you feel will give them an awareness of your need for inclusion in the conversation and activities of the evening. Make sure you dress nicely and try to look your best. Consider pampering yourself with a manicure or massage beforehand. Remember this party is for you too. Who knows, you could have a truly nice time.
• Consider being one of the party planners. If you have a role in the planning or running of the party, this will help you to move around, talk to a lot of people and stay very involved in everything that is happening. It would certainly make the evening more interesting and help you push away any thoughts about being dateless.

Lastly, make a promise to yourself that you will make some relationship building goals. Then create a plan that works for you. Next year you could be bringing Mr. Right to your office holiday party.

End Notes

If you are one of the many dateless singles who have an office holiday party to attend soon, this issue was designed with you especially in mind. If you are determined to find a date, begin now. With a little courage, luck and determination you could be successful. Whatever your decision maybe, resolve to have a good party or a good day that brings you some holiday cheer.

If you would like more help and advice on this or any other relationship issue, contact [e-mail]. Don't let this season pass you by without taking concrete steps towards building the relationship you desire.

Have a happy turkey day!

About the Author

www.consum-mate.com
Toni Coleman LCSW is a psychotherapist and relationship coach who specializes in working with singles wanting intimate lasting