How to be a be a better father to all my children?

by Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D

Q: Dr. Ellen: I am a 44 year old father of 3 beautiful girls (14,12, & 10). I went for a Vasectomy 2 years ago, however my wife now is 8 weeks pregnant (by me, my doctor's theory is that my vasectomy reconnected). I SHOULD be happy, I SHOULD be laughing, I should be relying on my spirituality to deal with all of this, but I cannot stop fixating about my AGE (my wife is 38), how this may negatively affect my relationship with my girls. How this must be all my fault, and what people will think about me. I think I am still a little in shock about the whole thing but my wife pointed out that this is how I deal with changes (i.e. I worry about things I can't change, and then paralyze myself with these worries). I want to be happy and I want to ENJOY this day and everyday. I think if I use your positive thinking ideas I will succeed and will be a better father to all my children, and I am optimistic that this will happen. Do you have any advice on books or programs for fathers of newborns over 40?

A: First of all congratulations!! Second of all, you are not old by any means. In this day and age where we have extended life, you could very well live into your 80's or 90's, which means that you will have at least 40-50 years with this child. There doesn't seem to be any books for dad's on this subject. There are however, many books for mothers that are over 35 but it sounds like your wife has the right attitude already. All you have to do is LISTEN TO HER!!! You already have 3 children, which means you will be wiser, calmer and enjoy the precious moments more. Babies are babies, no matter what your age, so any “Baby” book will do. The bond you have with your girls now, will only grow stronger if you let them be part of this wonderful experience. I would get some books so they could see how the baby is developing, month to month in the womb. Imagine their excitement once they feel the baby kicking. Let them participate in naming the baby, picking out the crib and all the preparation for the new arrival. Make this whole thing a family affair. Just think, now you will have 3 helpers and built-in babysitters.

It is obvious to me from what you wrote that you are a bit of a pessimist in all areas of your life. Since I know that opposites attract, I know that your wife is probably an optimist. As for what other people think, I'll bet everyone will be happy for you and think that this is a miracle. Let's see what our readers think for starters. I will forward their responses to you. - Dr. Ellen

About the Author

www.lightyourfire.com
For the past 20 years, Dr. Ellen has educated, motivated, and inspired thousands of men and women on how to put fun, romance, excitement and communication in their relationships. Through humor and personal experiences, she is able to captivate and relate to any type of audience, the dynamics of building a solid foundation for a more rewarding life. Through her audio cassettes, CD's, seminars, videos and books she has been teaching and communicating her message to men and women of all ages throughout the world. All of her efforts are designed to work together to achieve one ultimate goal: strengthen the fun, love and communication between two people. She has been happily married for 34 years, has three grown children and two grandchildren. www.lightyourfire.com