Sheldon Lewin LCSW, MBA

"I wanted every kind of love that was available, but I could never find them in the same person, or the same sex." - Cole Porter

DE-LOVELY a new film by director Irwin Winkler who attempts to set the record straight about the unconventional love story between millionaire songwriter Cole Porter (Kevin Kline) and his rich socialite wife Linda (Ashley Judd). Porter had an incredible songwriting career that spawned hundreds of songs, many used in Broadway shows and film productions. Winkler succeeds in blending Porter's music with an engrossing biographical drama. DE-LOVELY a tender and moving love story stressing the enduring bond between Porter and his wife Linda Thomas that doesn't shy away one inch from the man character's rampant bisexuality.

It appears that Porter thrived on a lifestyle that was taboo and would have destroyed other men (and was, in fact, illegal in most of the places that he lived), and all the time he wrote those magical songs. De Lovely may extend interest to those curious about how those dynamics work. Porter's life as a bisexual man and relationship with his wife, Linda, is the captivating tale Winkler creates in DE-LOVELY. Porter's wife knew about his bisexuality when she married him, but Winkler still portrays her as the love of his life, suggesting that they had a soulful understanding that transcends sexuality.

The movie is symbolic to bisexuality and duality of life in general. It is half drama, half musical - that seeks to shed light onto the musician's life and loves. Porter floated effortlessly between two worlds: Gay and Straight, Europe and America, Broadway and Hollywood, Show Biz and High Society, Lifelong 38 Year Marriage and Lifelong Love Affairs. The purpose of the following article is to answer, clarify, and educate the public on this often misunderstood, complex, and in some circles in taboo or vogue lifestyle known as bisexuality.

What is Bisexuality?

Not Gay or Straight, but somewhere in between? Sexual orientation is not strictly about polarities, but rather exists on a continuum. Many people feel confused, lost, and out of place in a society that upholds "black and white" labels. Bisexuality is the potential to feel sexually attracted to and/or to engage in sensual or sexual relationships with either sex. Many people are drawn sexually and emotionally only to partners of the same sex. Others are completely heterosexual, bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with people of another sex.

The Kinsey scale of zero to six was developed by sex researchers to describe sexual orientation as a continuum. Heterosexual people are at zero on the scale, gay and Lesbian people are at six at the other end of the scale, and everyone in between, from one to five, is bisexual. People who fall at one or two on the scale have primarily heterosexual sexual and affectional relationships and desires, but have some attraction and experiences with same -sex partners as well. People at three on the scale are approximately equally attracted to both men and women. People at four and five on the Kinsey scale choose primarily same-sex partners, but are not completely gay or lesbian and have some heterosexual tendencies and relationships as well.

What Does It Mean To Be Bisexual Or Bi-curious?

Not everyone has had the opportunity to act on their sexual/ romantic impulses and attractions, some people prefer the following definition - a bisexual is a person who feels POTENTIALLY able to have such attraction. This could be anyone who has erotic, affectionate, or romantic feelings for, fantasies about, and/or experiences with both men and women. A bisexual may be more attracted to one sex than the other, attracted equally to both, or find a person's sex unimportant. The strength of their attractions to men or women may even vary over time. Many people fantasize about many things that they do not act on. If you are a man and you primarily have relationships with women, but think about what it would be like with a man, you may be bi-curious.

Self-perception is the key to a bisexual identity. Many people engage in sexual activity with people of both sexes, yet do not identify as bisexual. Likewise, other people engage in sexual relations only with people of one sex, or do not engage in sexual activity at all, yet consider themselves bisexual. There is no quantitative behavioral or psychological .test.. to determine whether or not one is bisexual. There are many people out there who have sexual relationships, experiences, and fantasies with people of both sexes, and yet they don't consider themselves to be bisexual.

Is Bisexuality A Phase?

Many people feel that there are really only two sexual orientations and bisexuality isn't one of them. They say that everyone is either heterosexual or homosexual, and that bisexuality is just a phase going into one orientation or the other. Because heterosexuality is the general "norm", for the most part we are socialized as heterosexuals. Bisexuality is sometimes a stage that people experience during the process of acknowledging their homosexuality. And other times bisexuality is a "curiosity" stage when people want to experience what sex or a relationship may be like with a member of the same sex. But still there are many people who come to identify themselves as bisexuals after a considerable time as identifying as heterosexuals or homosexuals. For these people, heterosexuality or homosexuality was the phase... leading to a permanent bisexual identity.

Tags: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender, Gay Man

About the Author

Sheldon Lewin has a Masters degree in Social Work from Loyola University and is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in private practice in Chicago specializing in the unique and complex needs of bisexual men, their spouses, and partners.Services offered include online, group, individual, and collaborative therapy.