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Please respect the words that follow, they are written by people who are currently self injuring and are their truth as they experience their life.

Do not quote or use the names of the people whose words follow.

Jess, 15 years of age
I hurt myself to release pain caused by some really bad memories or I don't know what. Or just to make me feel anything when I'm totally numb and dead inside. It helps me to deal with my whole life, emotions and feelings which drive me crazy. I sometimes feel like all this self-injury thing helps me to stay alive.

I talked to some guys who also hurt themselves and that helped me because I knew they understood me. They never tried to force me to stop with cutting. They told about their experiences or just listen to what I was saying. But the most important thing was that they took me serious. I trusted them.

A guy from my class saw some scars and just sayed something like: "oh she seems to like pain". That hurt me a lot because his voice was very scornful.

Michelle
My acts of self-injury are preceded by extreme states of emotion; rage, sadness, self-loathing. I am a sexual abuse victim and in therapy. When I experience flashbacks or even think of the abuse and my abusers, I feel sick. I don't know how to express myself; how to explain the sadness that lives within me. I once told my psychologist, "I can't hurt anyone else, so I have to hurt myself." When I cut I feel immediate relief. All my negative emotions flow from my consciousness. My whole body relaxes and I'm instantly calm.

I'm bipolar and see a psychiatrist who prescribes meds. I also see a psychologist every week. He and I are working on the effects of my sexual abuse and I'm trying to learn different ways to express myself.

I've written a novel about sexual abuse and self-injury. Afraid of the Dark is based on my life and because of that, I've had the opportunity to speak to therapists and others about self-injury. Speaking, combined with my psychologist's help, gave me the strength to stop cutting for five months. Unfortunately, I've started again, but am making an effort to stop.

My family was sad, but have been understanding. Only a few of my friends know, but those who do are supportive and caring. However, my best friend of 35 years said some very hurtful things, then pulled away completely. After a year, we are still estranged. My husband of 30 years was unbelievably upset, but has stood by me.

Once I was taken to the emergency room because of a drug and alcohol overdose. I had also cut my wrist. The overdose was accidental, but that, combined with my cutting scars and the fresh cut, convinced the emergency technicians, attendants, and physicians that I had attempted suicide. They all treated me well, though, and didn't lecture or express any negative attitudes.

Overall, I've been blessed to be surrounded by people who love and care about me. I'm trying to do my best to keep from causing them anymore distress, while learning to care about myself.

Heather
Anger, and feeling the need to punish myself are the two biggest reasons I self injure. Growing up in my family I was taught that good little girls don't get angry. I supressed the anger for years, until I found an outlet with self harm. When I cut it's like opening up a valve and releasing the steam before it bursts. It instantly calms me down. If I don't cut and end up showing my anger, I have to cut to punish myself for letting the anger out.

Cel
My teacher was always there for me to talk to and, vitally, maintained my confidence and never forced me to tell more people. She helped me for a number of years to deal with and manage this situation and look for alternative ways of coping.

The acceptance, help and understanding gained from this initial contact was vital in dealing with my self harm. I believe that if, the first time i had mentioned it to somebody, the reaction had been negative or extreme I would never have had the courage to speak about it again or pursue any help in the future.

Having someone deal with your self injury calmly and with compassion is vital to any self injurer and a pivotal part along the road to recovery.

Amanda
i hurt myself by cutting my arms and slitting my wrists deeply, to me it became a ritual and i did it around 5 times a week on a good week. i had no self esteem and insome ways still dont. i hurt myself in this way as i saw it as the only thing i could control in my life and the pain wasnt pain it was great id do anything to be able to feel that again but my mum found out and forced my to get help.

since then ive been to see countless counselors and none have been any good. i felt like they were judging me with their clipboards writing down everything said.

Sarah
I hurt myself for two main reasons: because I think I'm a 'bad' person and need to be punished; and because my emotional pain is sometimes too intense and the physical pain becomes a relief from all the negative feelings.

I have been in and out of psychotherapy for about four years now. I have had countless different therapists and doctors. I have been in group therapy and individual therapy, I have been on several different antidepressants and other drugs. I have read many self-help books on this subject and my other diseases, and I have been hospitalized once for a suicide attempt, but I have very little support from family and friends.

I have had a little success at abstaining from self-injury, not doing it for days, weeks, or months at a time; but I have no real permanent cure nor have I learned to use any healthier coping skills.

The most common way I get treated when someone discovers I self-injure is that the subject is ignored and we never talk about it. I often wear short sleeves (most of my scars are on my arms), so many people know what I do, they just don't acknowledge it.

I am ashamed to talk about it, and I think they are scared.

Amy
I get depressed for many reasons, a big one being that i'm adopted and also that im in a new school. and it helpt to injer myself because i feel like i have power over myself and no one can stop me.

i am seeing a dr. but sometimes i dont think it really helps... i dont think anyone ultimatly can besides myself.

People react in different ways, parents were very concerned, only a few friends know, and they were confused as to why i would do it, but didnt get mad. Mostly they just dont understand.

Ethan
My anxiety stops me achieving everything I feel I have to in this life; so I have to find a way to leave the house, to go to town, to get to work, to make phone calls, to deal with bills etc. etc. I cut myself because it instantly calms me, gives me a very real focus, and lets my mind settle. Then I can get on with being popular and successful.

Liz
My best friend was treating me the same but she was a little more supportive and let me cry on her shoulder more then she used to and she listened more and tried to relate and help me feel better, actually something we do is see who can come up with the worst and saddest life story, it always get's me laughing. Besides her,everyone else was really cautious and didn't want to be around me for a long time, and they treated me as if i were some phycho or something.

Furball
I am a 44 year old single female from the New York City. I have always SI'd in one form or another for as long as I can remember. One main way I SI is by picking and pulling off my toenails with my fingers or tweezers. Even if one little bit of nail is left I cant let it go till it is all gone. In that way I think my SI'g is very ocd-ish in that i need to finish what I have started. i also pick at my skin especially my face which has left me very badly scared so it is hard to face people on the outside. I used to pick for several hours a day but with DBT therapy am done to about a half hour and I can go without picking at my face on really good days.

DBT has been a godsend to me as it has really helped me gain self confidence and improved my relationship with others and allowed me to set limits with people that used to walk all over me. It has also allowed me to feel good about myself at times and not be so afraid of getting better.

Tags: Self-Injury

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www.lifesigns.org.uk
LifeSIGNS (Self Injury Guidance & Network Support) is an Unincorporated Voluntary Organisation. That means that we are an organisation, run by directors who volunteer their time, and are responsible for their own individual actions.