Living with Self Injury

by LifeSIGNS

(Page 5 of 8)

This section is for people who self injure.

SCARS - Often people will ask quite innocently 'what happened to your arm?' This may immediately put you on the defensive, as it is difficult to answer. We would suggest that you only show your cuts/scars if you feel comfortable answering questions about them, yes you may feel it is none of anyone else's business and that people shouldn't be asking you but at the end of the day it's human nature to be curious and most of the time the questions are asked innocently. You could say a variety of things from 'It's a long story' or 'I don't want to discuss it right now' or simply be honest and direct before changing the subject 'I did it' 'I hurt myself'. If you say it as simply as that and then start talking about something else we imagine there would be little else to say right then and there. If they persist you can always go on to say 'I don't want to talk about it'. Be polite but firm, they are after all most likely asking out of pure curiosity, however it is a personal question, so don't feel you have to explain yourself or be over-polite.

CLOTHING – Cuts / scars on wrists can be covered by wrist /bracelets or bangles/watches Cuts and scars on arms - Long sleeves may seem like the only option and in winter this can be absolutely fine. In summer you may struggle more and it can be often quite depressing (not to mention hot!) when you want to wear sleeveless tops etc. Well, you have two choices either show your arms or don't. If you decide to then just be aware of any questions you may be faced (but try not to dwell on these!) if you decide against it, then try wearing thin cotton long-sleeved tops and shirts, you could try wearing a vest top with an open shirt so that your arms are still covered, this normally works quite well. For cuts/scars on legs - trousers/long skirts/tights can all work quite well. See the Scars Page [above] for further ideas.

Remember, sometimes showing your scars can actually make you feel stronger and freer than constantly hiding them away. Choose your attitude - and how important are scars anyway? Sure, they tell a story but they do not define who you are, just a part of your life that you have dealt with or are dealing with. Be strong, be you.

WORK – may be one of the most difficult places to be an SI-er as there is a certain amount of pressure on you in any job and you are expected to act in a particular way. It is rarely appropriate to show much emotion while you are working and there is an expectation that your job will not be affected by your personal life. Overall, it may not seem appropriate to be an SI-er when it comes to work. Some people may find this suits them - they can become someone else, it may be easier to fit in.

SCHOOL – being at school or college can be stressful, not only are there pressures to get good grades, but you may feel lonely, highlighted by the very social surroundings. You may also feel forced to show your scars and body during Physical Education. It's best to talk to the P.E. teacher about uniforms if you can. Investigate what resources are available to you, such as Nurses and Guidance Counsellors.

SOCIALISING – this depends on who with, but this can often be difficult, with regards to body image and clothing choices. Choose the clothing you feel comfortable in and consider where you may go while out.

LIVING WITH OTHERS – this quite often depends on whether they know about your SI or not. If so it can make life more bearable in that you can be relaxed about bumping in to your housemate while you're on your way to the shower in just a towel. Of course the converse side of this is that you may feel like they are watching your every move to make sure you don't SI.

COMING OUT – telling people about your SI is a big decision. This can be in conversation / writing / showing someone your scars or cuts. Be prepared for any reaction - they may feel a mix of anger, guilt, hurt, shame, confusion, and misunderstanding. Make it clear how hard it is for you, and that you are telling them because you love and trust them. Stay calm and don't blame anyone at this time, particularly as the person you are telling may be experiencing some guilt already. If you have a friend who already knows and understands it may help you feel stronger by having them there, they may also help to keep the conversation neutral and presumably can understand the situation better from both sides.

There may be questions you are faced with – the most likely one being 'why?' try and think about this before you tell anyone as you want to be able to answer as concisely as possible to get your point / feelings across. Do not go into graphic detail the first time you tell someone as this is unfair, they are likely to be shocked by your admission. Give them time to digest what you say - it is not easy to hear that someone you love deliberately hurts themselves. On this note, give them time to go away and think and then talk to you again when they have had time to ponder what you have said.

About the Author

www.lifesigns.org.uk
LifeSIGNS (Self Injury Guidance & Network Support) is an Unincorporated Voluntary Organisation. That means that we are an organisation, run by directors who volunteer their time, and are responsible for their own individual actions.