Chapter 1, Off-And-On Single, Almost Single or Married

Are You Fit to Love: A Radically Different Approach to Successful Relationships
by Allie Ochs

Straight Facts and Uplifting Accounts of the Jerks and Junkies

If love is not a game, why are there so many players?
ALLIE OCHS

THE FIRST DIVORCE in my family was my parents’, followed by the divorce of my grandmother, that of my aunt, and later that of my uncle. It is almost as if my parents’ divorce triggered a whole chain of family divorces. My younger brother was next in line, then it was my turn, and eventually my older brother divorced, too.

During those years of family divorces, strange things happened. My younger brother lived in a common-law relationship with the ex-wife of the new boyfriend of my ex-sister-in-law (are you lost yet?). My former husband’s second ex-wife (who fell in love with his best friend) and I involuntarily became neighbors. My older brother lived with his ex-wife’s best friend. My mother married the father of my ex-husband’s bro t h e r-in-law. Nobody was ever really sure where the children or the pets of these relationships would eventually land.

I call these triangles of relationships love-extinctions on the fast track. You can see how mutable the status of single, married, or almost single is and how easily relations change within a narrow circle. This is just one family’s example. Fortunately, everyone survived unharmed and unarmed.

Given the fact that my family was anything but perfect, it is rather obvious that I am not perfect myself. You are about to read an imperfect book by an imperfect writer about imperfect relationships. However, this book will deliver the most paramount answers about relationships and save you from years of despair and therapy. If, after reading this book, you still find yourself unable to find or improve a relationship, you may have to read it again!

Single or Married — Often a Minute Distinction

Traditionally, married status describes those who have gone through a civil and/or religious ceremony, who live together with or without children, and who promised to part only on death. Single status, on the other hand, often implies being without a partner by choice or failure. Being single evokes notions of dating services, singles bars, and Internet romances, which are still assigned a "meat-market" stigma. In our couple-oriented society, being single often conjures up images of failed relationships or undesirability. Singles are sometimes also feared as a threat to established relationships.

More than ever, our adult population is cycling from the status of single to married to divorced and back to single again, often repeating this cycle. While single and married persons belong to distinct groups with specific assumptions about their members, the distinction has become blurred to the point where relationships may be considered hybrids of single or married. Awareness of these hybrids and the reasons for their often speedy transitions can help change us from being someone who wanders from one relationship to another into someone with a whole new perspective.

About the Author

www.allieochs.com
Allie Ochs is a relationship expert, coach, speaker and author of: Are You Fit to Love? A radically different approach to successful relationships. Fit to love is based on 3 principles: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity, which are at the heart of all exceptional relationships. This relationship wake-up call is not for the faint-hearted. It is for the brave, because it challenges us to become better people for each other. Allie revolutionizes relationships from the ground up and helps people improve their relationships immediately.