Has Your Marriage Been Attacked? Can Tragedy Trigger Divorce?

by EqualityinMarriage.org

We all know that couple. They are always bickering, never content - yet somehow it seems they will always be together. Then, out of the blue, one of the pair plays the divorce card, leaving all those involved wondering what knocked them off the fence and forced them to solve the "to be or not to be" mystery.

With the world in a chaotic state, many relationships are finding themselves unbalanced as well. And in a time where partnerships, friends and family, seem so important, there are still thousands of separations and divorces happening everyday. So, the question remains, what triggers an individual to wave the relationship surrender flag?

Eyes Wide Open:

Too often, life becomes a hamster wheel of routine where we get up everyday on autopilot, not taking the time to analyze the different facets of our world. When a tragedy like that of September 11th happens, it stops us in our tracks. Suddenly we are paying more attention to those people in our lives and the relationships that make up our existence. Sometimes this can be a very positive way of redefining our lives - a catalyst to better appreciating those we love. Other times the realizations that accompany this heightened awareness lead to an understanding of what isn't working effectively and highlight the components of a relationship that aren't healthy, beneficial or emotionally rewarding. When events remind us that life can be short and there are no guarantees, it is natural to want to make the best of everyday. This may mean moving past a relationship that isn't satisfying.

It's Contagious:

So that "not so happy" couple gets divorced. Suddenly, other couples in their circle of friends start to follow the trend. Once again, it is easy to get caught up in the familiarity of our surroundings without paying attention to the details. When this landscape changes by another couple splitting, we wake up and take stock. In the same way that you never thought about buying leather pants until you saw them in the store window - a divorce in your vicinity can catch on like a fad.

The Grass is Greener:

Affairs don't always lead to divorce and, if they do, it isn't usually about the actual act of adultery as much as it is about a realization that something exists outside of one's four walls. I've heard stories of individuals who go off on a business trip and come back wanting a divorce. It's the same premise… an event, person or activity snaps us into reality and makes us assess the value of our current life. Is the grass greener on the other side? Who knows. But the question itself has led to countless divorces and separations.

In times like these, it is critical that we pay close attention to the balance and quality of our relationships. Don't wait for a trigger like the ones mentioned above to take action in regards to the maintenance or dissolution of your relationship. Communicate frequently to get past the routine and really connect with your partner in evaluating the status of your partnership. In the end, you still may make the decision that apart is better than together, but at least you made it together and proactively instead of reacting to events or situations around you.

About the Author

The Equality in Marriage Institute was founded in 1998 by Lorna Wendt after her public divorce and fight for equality put her in the national spotlight. Through thousands of phone calls and letters, Lorna found that, like her, many individuals moved under the assumption that theirs was a fair, balanced partnership. Dedicated to helping other couples avoid her pitfalls, Lorna started the Institute to provide support, information and resources, for women and men in all stages of marriage. www.equalityinmarriage.org