Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D

Dear Dr. Ellen: I have been a stockbroker for over 15 years and my job causes me a lot of anxiety and stress. My wife has threatened to leave me for the first time in our marriage. She says that she can't stand my mood swings, which are tied to the stock market. If the market is up, I'm in a good mood. If it's down I'm in a bad mood. I don't want a divorce but I don't know how to separate my work from my personal life. Even on the weekends, I can't relax.

Dear Lenny: Men seem to do this more than women although I see more women these days doing the same thing. They make the mistake of bringing their frustrations on the job home with them. What a mistake! Imagine that you have two glasses of water in front of you. One is clear and represents your personal life and the other is cloudy and represents your professional life. Does it make any sense to combine both glasses into a larger glass? Why would you want to mix the dirty water with the clear, clean water? All you end up with is a bigger glass of cloudy, dirty water. Why not keep them separate? If your job doesn't fulfill your expectations for the day and is a source of disappointment, don't bring it home. It's a decision you can make. You just need to value more what is waiting for you at home. Just because one part of your life isn't working doesn't mean that the other has to break down as well.

You can decide that you've done the best you can for eight hours each day, and now you will devote the rest of the day or weekend to making your home life the best it can be. Tell your wife that you are turning over a new leaf and that you intend to make the time you spend at home count every bit as much as the time you spend at work.

Everything we do in life is a decision. Once you realize that life without a woman that you love deeply will have no meaning, then deciding to give her your attention, affection and appreciation should be an easy decision. You may think that your self-worth is tied to the stock market but bringing happiness to your wife is more valuable in the larger scheme of things. Remember, like I always say, On your death bed, you won't be saying, "I should have spent more time at the office." You will be saying that you should have spent more time with the people you love and told them how much you love them. Don't waste the precious time you have now while you are healthy and still have people in your life that love you. The decision is yours. Make the right one! - Dr. Ellen

About the Author

www.lightyourfire.com
For the past 20 years, Dr. Ellen has educated, motivated, and inspired thousands of men and women on how to put fun, romance, excitement and communication in their relationships. Through humor and personal experiences, she is able to captivate and relate to any type of audience, the dynamics of building a solid foundation for a more rewarding life. Through her audio cassettes, CD's, seminars, videos and books she has been teaching and communicating her message to men and women of all ages throughout the world. All of her efforts are designed to work together to achieve one ultimate goal: strengthen the fun, love and communication between two people. She has been happily married for 34 years, has three grown children and two grandchildren. www.lightyourfire.com