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Dear Dr. Ellen: I’ve been married for 9 years and I have two children, ages 2 and 5. Here’s my problem. I work part time and never feel that there are enough hours in the day to get everything done. Making love to my husband is the last thing that’s on my list because I’m exhausted most of the time. My husband used to try and give me a kiss on the lips but I usually turned away. Now he doesn’t even try anymore. I heard you on a talk show, talking about how important kissing is and I am embarrassed to say that now all I get is a peck on the cheek or forehead. How can I get back his kisses before he decides to give them to someone else? Dear Lisa: When a couple stands at the alter and vows to love each other, “Till death do us part,” they take for granted that they will be intimately connected forever. The kiss at the end of the ceremony symbolizes that connection. The kiss, as far as I’m concerned, is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. It is a barometer of how things are going. If a couple is not kissing then they are not having true intimacy. If your kisses are no longer passionate, your relationship is in trouble. Most couples aren’t even aware of when their relationship started changing. What started out as a passionate relationship, over time, now becomes a friendship. One day, you wake up and realize, “We’re roommates and no longer lovers! When you give someone a peck on the cheek, that says, “I love you,” but a 10-second kiss says, “I’m still in love with you!” Of all the homework assignments I give, the 10-second kiss has the most immediate and dramatic effect. If you give it in the morning, it sets the tone for the rest of the day. If you give it in the evening it sets the mood for the rest of the evening. It’s not your brother/sister, peck on the cheek that feels comfortable and platonic. It’s a passionate kiss that makes you feel warm, close and connected. | |||||
The reason most people are not kissing that way is because they are waiting until they are in the mood to kiss that way. I believe that you do not have to wait for the feeling to come first before taking action. In my seminars, I ask couples to stand up and kiss for 10 seconds. I do this demonstration in all of my seminars because I want to point out to people that even though they may FEEL distant, annoyed, embarrassed, humiliated or uncomfortable before the kiss, when they do it anyway, no matter how they feel, the result of their ACTIONS makes them feel connected, warm, tender, safe and even passionate. Some of us were taught to believe that we must FEEL a certain way before we can ACT a certain way. Quite frankly, if I waited to do things until I felt like it, I’d never do anything! I propose a different point of view: You can make the decision to kiss everyday. The plan is simple. I want you to shock your husband this week and give him a passionate 10-second kiss. You can do it in the morning or evening but I want it to be a surprise. I don’t want the two of you having a conversation over whether or not you should do this. The only way that you are going to see results is to just do it! When he says, “What’s gotten into you?, you can tell him, “We are not going to be just mommy and daddy anymore or roommates. From now on, we are going to be lovers! Whenever we haven’t seen each other for a long period of time, that’s the way we are going to greet each other from now on!” By the way, the longest kiss in the “The Guinness Book of World Records,” is 417 hours. Just be glad I’m only asking you to kiss for 10 seconds! - Dr. Ellen About the Author www.lightyourfire.com |
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