She Doesn’t Ever Feel That I Back Her Up and See Her Side of a Situation

by Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D

Dear Dr. Ellen: My wife and I just have been married for over 2 months and our marriage is already in serious trouble. My wife and I met through ballroom dancing, fell in love and became inseparable ever since. We have always had problems, specially since she feels that “when she gives her opinion, I always come back with reasons why she shouldn’t think or feel that way,” and “she doesn’t ever feel that I back her up and see her side of a situation.” In any case, we’ve had so many arguments and unhappiness that she finally decided that we should go our separate ways. I believe that we are meant for each other and I don’t want the knot we tied to ever end. I’ve obviously never made my wife feel special. I need your help. What should I do?

Dear Pete: There is nothing worse than living with a man who is very controlling, who never sees your point of view and doesn’t acknowledge your feelings. Ask your wife to give you two months to prove that you can change. Ask her again to explain what has made her so unhappy and really listen to her answer, acknowledge that you understand what she’s feeling and promise that you will do everything in your power to change your behavior.

If she won’t talk to you, then write her a letter saying the same thing. If you get no response, then my best guess is that she has met someone else who is already fulfilling those needs. There are not too many women that would give up on their marriage after two months unless they had a better offer waiting in the wings. If she’ll agree, take her away on a romantic weekend where both of you have nothing to do except concentrate on each other. My guess is that if there is no one else in the picture, it won’t be too difficult to get back to the feelings you used to have if you’ll agree that being right is not as important as being loved.

If she won’t listen to anything you have to say right now, let her know that you love her and hope that she will allow you prove that you are capable of changing. You’ll have to wait until she decides that she is willing to give you another chance. You can’t control someone’s emotions and you certainly don’t want to suffocate someone who already feels that she can’t breathe. Right now she’s feeling that you don’t think her feelings are important and you don’t understand her. She is angry and resents you right now. If she does give you another chance, realize that you probably have just one more chance and make the most of it. Make sure she feels safe to voice her opinion and that she has every right to express how she feels. Listen to what she tells you and tell her that you care about her point of view. This is your best chance at winning her back. Good luck! - Dr. Ellen

About the Author

www.lightyourfire.com
For the past 20 years, Dr. Ellen has educated, motivated, and inspired thousands of men and women on how to put fun, romance, excitement and communication in their relationships. Through humor and personal experiences, she is able to captivate and relate to any type of audience, the dynamics of building a solid foundation for a more rewarding life. Through her audio cassettes, CD's, seminars, videos and books she has been teaching and communicating her message to men and women of all ages throughout the world. All of her efforts are designed to work together to achieve one ultimate goal: strengthen the fun, love and communication between two people. She has been happily married for 34 years, has three grown children and two grandchildren. www.lightyourfire.com