Help – I’m Being Stalked! When Love Becomes an Obsession

by John D. Moore, MS, CADC

If you think you won't be stalked, think again. According to statistics put out by the National Center for Victims of Crime, 1 out of every 12 women will be stalked during her lifetime and 1 out of 45 men will be stalked during his lifetime (Source Adapted from http://www.ncvc.org) . Which begs this question: Why would someone stalk another? To be sure, the answer is complicated, however there is a certain type of stalker that we should all be concerned about. What follows is the definition of an Intimacy Stalker, including a few of the motivational reasons behind their behavior as well as a possible personality type: (Source Adapted from http://www.stalkinghelp.org)

THE INTIMACY STALKER

Reasons Why They Stalk

• Believes the victim is an ideal partner.
• May believe the victim is in love with them.
• Believes that the victim is the only person who can satisfy their desires

Personality Type & Victim Characteristics

• Isolated and shy
• May live alone and lacks other intimate relationship in his/her life.
• May suffer from a mental disorder, including a narcissistic personality disorder.
• May stalk complete strangers or those who they have just met socially.

Stalking Behaviors

• May write inappropriate letters to the victim begging for attention
• May make repeated telephone calls to the victim
• May send unwanted gifts to the victim
• May secretly follow the victim
• May break into victim's email account to monitor discussions with others
• May become threatening or violent if rejected by the victim

STEPS TO PROECT YOURSELF FROM A STALKER

To begin with, if you feel that you are being stalked, take the situation seriously! Don't ignore the person's behavior and assume that it will go away over time — chances are in won't! Here are a few things that you can do to protect yourself:

• Consider obtaining a restraining order
• File police reports for harassment and save them
• Destroy all personal paperwork or buy a shredder. Some stalkers have been known to go through their victim's garbage to secure personal information.
• Keep a daily diary of harassing behaviors. This may prove useful should you have to go to court.
• Tell your friends, co-workers and supervisors of your situation so that they are aware of the threat. You may also want to advise human resources.
• Change your telephone number and get a caller ID Box.

Of course, the points suggested above are not intended to act as a complete list. To find out more about stalking and strategies to deal with it, visit www.stalkinghelp.org. Remember that intimacy stalkers seek closeness and attention from their victims. Often when they do not receive what they are looking for, they become angry, hurt and possibly violent. Look for the warning signs and be sure to take threats seriously. You don't have to live in fear.

About the Author

johndmoore.net
JOHN D. MOORE, MS, CADC is the author of Confusing Love With Obsession: When You Can't Stop Controlling Your Partner & the Relationship (Writer's Club Press), a book containing a variety of case histories regarding people who use controlling behaviors in personal relationships. Moore is a certified addictions counselor in the state of Illinois and a Professor of Health Sciences at American Public University.