Here's a quiz based on our recent Relationship Tips articles. Sharpen your pencils, put on your empathic thinking caps, and test your knowledge!

1. Mary is really upset with her husband. Most days it seems he comes home from work, opens a can of beer, and sits in front of the TV without saying very much to her all evening. This is what she feels like saying to him:

“You're more in love with that TV than with me! Every night you spend the whole evening watching it and never say a word to me. You're turning into a vegetable.”

a. What Relationship Enhancement guidelines would be violated by that kind of expression?

b. How could Mary express herself about this issue in a way that follows the Relationship Enhancement guidelines?

2. A coworker approaches you and says, “I just heard that the company laid off 20 employees in the San Jose office. What's going on? Who's going to be next?” Formulate a response that would apply the guidelines for the Relationship Enhancement Empathic Response skill.

3. What is the purpose of the Discussion phase?

4. What is the purpose of the Problem / Conflict Resolution phase?

5. My partner has just been expressing a thought. When she's finished, I'd like to say something in reply. What has to take place first before I can express my thought?

6. In a discussion, my partner has explained that sometimes I walk away from her while she's speaking. I agree this is a habit I want to change. Explain how the Self-change and Other-change skills can be used to help me break this habit.

7. When persons hear a demonstration of a discussion using the Relationship Enhancement method they sometimes remark that it seems to be a painfully slow process. If that is the case, what are the benefits of using the Relationship Enhancement method?

The Answers

Check your answers against these.

1. Mary is really upset with her husband. Most days it seems he comes home from work, opens a can of beer, and sits in front of the TV without saying very much to her all evening. This is what she feels like saying to him:

“You're more in love with that TV than with me! Every night you spend the whole evening watching it and never say a word to me. You're turning into a vegetable.”

a. What Relationship Enhancement guidelines would be violated by that kind of expression?

Answer: The Expresser must make subjective statements about his/her feelings. This rules out statements that appear to pass judgment on another's behavior. Also, the use of the words “every”, “never”, and “always” usually indicate that the statement is overgeneralized.

b. How could Mary express herself about this issue in a way that follows the Relationship Enhancement guidelines?

Answer: One way would be as follows: “I really love the time we spend together talking about what our day was like. So when you come home from work, turn on the TV, and say very little to me during the evening, I feel unimportant and unloved, or that TV is more important to you than I am.”

2. A coworker approaches you and says, “I just heard that the company laid off 20 employees in the San Jose office. What's going on? Who's going to be next?” Formulate a response that would apply the guidelines for the Relationship Enhancement Empathic Response skill.

Answer: “You're worried about the future of the company and maybe also about the security of your own position here.”

3. What is the purpose of the Discussion phase?

Answer: For each person to fully explore his thoughts, feelings, concerns, and desires about the issue being discussed and to ensure that those thoughts, feelings, concerns and desires are fully understood by the other person.

4. What is the purpose of the Problem / Conflict Resolution phase?

Answer: To creatively derive a solution that is mutually satisfying, to plan how to implement the solution, and to arrange to evaluate it at a later point.

5. My partner has just been expressing a thought. When she's finished, I'd like to say something in reply. What has to take place first before I can express my thought?

Answer: You must first give an empathic response that is accepted by the other person and then request to be the Expresser.

6. In a discussion, my partner has explained that sometimes I walk away from her while she's speaking. I agree this is a habit I want to change. Explain how the Self-change and Other-change skills can be used to help me break this habit.

Answer: Self-change: I'll write a note and put it somewhere to remind me that I'm working on this. Other-change: I will ask my mate to give me a signal, for example, saying the phrase “Runaway mate!” whenever I do this.

7. When persons hear a demonstration of a discussion using the Relationship Enhancement method they sometimes remark that it seems to be a painfully slow process. If that is the case, what are the benefits of using the Relationship Enhancement method?

Answer: RE helps couples to avoid the typical deterioration that takes place during an intense argument by ensuring that each person is heard and understood by the other. The process helps the couple to slow down and really listen to one another, in this way enhancing closeness in the relationship. Thus there is a trade-off with a substantial net gain - a somewhat longer discussion in return for protection from damage to the relationship and greater likelihood of achieving a lasting resolution to the issue at hand.

Tags: Relationships Tests and Quizes

About the Author

www.empathic.homestead.com
James Lucoff is Director of Empathic Coaching Associates and is an authorized Relationship Enhancement educator. Relationship Enhancement has been cited by researchers as one of the most effective relationship skills programs. Empathic Coaching Associates teaches individuals and couples internationally via telephone and video conferencing in private sessions. Visit their web site at http://empathic.homestead.com.