Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D

Dear Dr. Ellen: I've been married for 9 years and I have two children ages 2 and 5. Here's my problem. I work part-time and never feel that there are enough hours in the day to get everything done. I'll admit that making love is the last thing that is on my list because I'm exhausted most of the time. My husband used to try and give me a kiss on the lips but I usually turned away. Now he doesn't even try anymore. I heard you on a talk show years ago, talking about how important kissing is and am embarrassed to say that now all I get is a peck on the cheek or forehead. How can I get back his kisses before he gives them to someone else? — Lisa

Dear Lisa: When a couple stands at the alter and vows to love each other, "Till death do us part," they take for granted that they will be intimately connected forever. The kiss at the end of the ceremony symbolizes that connection. Anyone who has listened to my program knows how important I feel kissing is. As far as I'm concerned, it is the core of a relationship. It is the barometer of how things are going. If you are no longer kissing passionately, your relationship is in trouble. Most couples aren't even aware of when their relationship started changing. What began as a passionate relationship, over time becomes a friendship. One day you wake up and realize, "Oh, my gosh, we're roommates and no longer lovers!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you can keep your friend but you must get your lover back as well. When you give someone a peck on the cheek, that says, "I love you," but a 10-second kiss says, "I'm still in love with you!" Of all the homework assignments I give, the 10-second kiss has th most immediate and dramatic effect. If you give it in the morning it sets the tone for the rest of the day and if you give it in the evening it sets the mood for the rest of the evening. It's not your brother, sister peck on the cheek that feels comfortable and platonic. It's a passionate kiss that makes you feel warm, close and connected. The plan is simple. I want you to shock your husband this week and give him a passionate 10-second kiss. You can do it in the morning or evening but I want it to be a surprise. I don't want the two of you having a conversation over whether or not you should do this. The only way that you are going to see the results is to just do it! When he says, "What's gotten into you", you can tell him, "We are not going to be just mommy and daddy or roommates anymore. From now on we are going to be lovers! Whenever we haven't seen each other for a long period of time, that's the way we are going to greet each other from now on!" Before you kiss, you may feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, tense, annoyed or distant. After, I promise, you'll feel close, warm and connected. When we kiss, we are exchanging our breath with one another. When we exchange breath, we are breathing in our mate's life force, his energy and he is breathing in ours. In this way we become one. That's why this is such an intimate act. By the way, the longest kiss in the The Guinness Book of World Records is 417 hours. Just be glad I'm only asking you for 10 seconds!

About the Author

www.lightyourfire.com
For the past 20 years, Dr. Ellen has educated, motivated, and inspired thousands of men and women on how to put fun, romance, excitement and communication in their relationships. Through humor and personal experiences, she is able to captivate and relate to any type of audience, the dynamics of building a solid foundation for a more rewarding life. Through her audio cassettes, CD's, seminars, videos and books she has been teaching and communicating her message to men and women of all ages throughout the world. All of her efforts are designed to work together to achieve one ultimate goal: strengthen the fun, love and communication between two people. She has been happily married for 34 years, has three grown children and two grandchildren. www.lightyourfire.com