Chapter 4, Part 2

Portrait Of My Desire
by Rhonda Findling

(Page 8 of 11)

"I made those earrings myself," Sharon responded, trying to hold back her tears.

"I thought you liked me?" he said.

"I did."

"Then come here." He lurched at her again.

"No!" she exclaimed, opening the car door and getting out.

"Sharon, get back in here," Jerry shouted, starting the car.

"No!" She felt safer by herself in the woods than alone with Jerry.

"Okay, see if I care," he said, the tires screeching as he sped off.

Sharon began to walk on the country road in the dark for about an hour, until she reached the highway. It started to rain. Shivering, Sharon continued to walk, until she finally found a gas station. She called her mother who came and picked her up.

When they got back to the house, Sharon went to her bedroom and slammed the door. She examined the clothes in her closet. It was true. They weren't like the other girls' clothes. They were her own special style. Long skirts and loose, flowing tops, like Indian women wore.

She especially loved her earrings which took hours to create, with her own beads she collected from local crafts fairs. But Jerry and the kids at school thought she was weird! Maybe if her father had never left she would have been different. Maybe she'd be like all the other girls and Jerry wouldn't have been so horrible to her.

She pulled all her skirts off the hangers and threw them across the room. She didn't stop until all of her clothes were on the floor "I'm ugly, I'm not pretty," Sharon said out loud. That's why Jerry did that. If I were prettier, he wouldn't have made me try to touch him or left me alone like that.

She began to cry loudly into her pillow so her mother and sister wouldn't hear her. When there were no more tears left, she went into the bathroom and wiped off her makeup. She took a shower vigorously scrubbing her body. Afterwards, she went to the living room, where her mother and Nina were watching "Saturday Night Live".

"I made a cup of hot chocolate with fresh whip cream for you," her mother said gently.

"And I baked some chocolate chip cookies for you while mommy went to get you," Nina chimed in enthusiastically.

"Thanks," Sharon responded wearily, taking the cup from her mother, deeply inhaling the comforting chocolate aroma. Sharon sat down next to Nina who was sitting cross-legged on the couch, in front of the television. Her mother sat down next to Sharon and Nina on the couch. They all watched "Saturday Night Live" together.

As Sharon sketched David, she thought about how she never seemed to do so well with men after her date with Jerry. Occasionally she'd go out with men who showed interest in her, but they never gave her that magical feeling she desperately hungered for. Despite her mother's warnings, Sharon longed for a great passionate love. The kind that famous women jazz singers sang about. She 'd listen to Sarah Vaughn and Billy Holiday for hours, while she drew men from her imagination.

Now that she finally met a real man who she experienced feelings for that she always dreamt of, she had spoiled it by running away! How could she live with herself she wondered? She closed the lights and went to bed. Clinging to her blanket, she listened to love songs on the radio until she fell into a fitful sleep. She woke the next morning to the phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sharon."

She recognized his voice instantly. She couldn't believe he was calling her.

"It's David. Are you okay? You ran off so suddenly."

"I know, I'm ….I'm really sorry. I just wasn't feeling so well. But I'm fine now."

"I got your phone number from Ned. I found out who he was last night and introduced myself. I hope you don't mind."

"No. I'm…I'm really glad you called."

"I really enjoyed talking to you last night." Sharon tried to think of the right words to say. She was determined not to ruin things this time. "I liked talking to you too."

"I'm sorry I scared you off. I'd like the chance to make it up to you. Would you like to go out for a drink tonight?"

"Sure," she replied, thrilled to get another chance. Then she remembered her painting class with Sam later. "I have a class tonight."

"Why don't I pick you up after class?"

"My class doesn't end till ten."

"I'll be waiting outside."

Sharon tried to act calm as she told him the address of the Art Students League. Sharon heard a secretary on an intercom telling David he had a call on another extension.

"I've got to go," he said. "See you later."

"Bye," Sharon answered.

The phone rang the moment it was back on the receiver.

"What happened to you last night?" Nina asked, sounding annoyed. "I was worried about you!"

"I'm sorry. I was dancing with this guy I met, David, and I don't know why, but I just freaked out and left."

"You freaked out?"

"I don't know what happened. It was like I had a panic attack. You must think I'm so weird."

"I don't think you're weird, and David doesn't think you're weird either because he asked Ned for your phone number."

"I know. He just called me and asked me out for a drink."

"Are you going to go?"

"Yes! He's going to pick me up after class."

"He's gorgeous!"

"I know."

"You've got to wear something spectacular. If I could get off of work I'd go shopping with you."

"That's Okay. I'll find something myself."

"My boss just walked in. I've got to go. Call me later and let me know what happens."

"I will."

"And don't freak out again!"

"I won't."

Sharon headed straight for Bloomingdales. After trying on clothes for hours she settled on a short clingy designer dress that showed off her figure. Afterwards, she went to the Revlon makeup counter and bought fifty dollars worth of makeup. She knew she was spending her next month's rent money, but didn't care. She was determined to look fabulous. At least as good as those models who were talking to David at the party.

She went to her class all dressed up, wearing a clean smock over her clothes. She tried to work on her painting, but had a hard time concentrating.. Relieved when class was finally over, she walked quickly through the hallways, praying that David would be there when she got outside.

Shivering with anticipation, she stepped out of the building. Relief and excitement swept through her, when she saw David leaning on a sports car outside the building.

"Wow! You look absolutely gorgeous," he said, opening the door for her.

"Thanks," Sharon answered, feeling more sure of herself with her brand new stylish clothes and makeup.

"Where would you like to go?" he asked, starting the car.

"I still don't know many places to go to at night."

"Have you been to Studio 54 yet?"

"No."

"You'll love it," he said, and they sped off into the night.

About the Author

www.rhondafindling.com
Rhonda Findling, M.A.,C.R.C. is the author of "Don't Call That Man! A Survival Guide To Letting Go" (Hyperion), "The Commitment Cure" (Adams Media) and "The Dating Cure" (Adams Media) and her debut novel "Portrait of My Desire". She is a dating coach and psychotherapist. She has been in private practice in New York for the past 20 years and consults (by telephone) with clients all over the world.