Grief Work Transformation

The Transformation Handbook
by Jan Maizler, MSW, LCSW

Loss is an experience that affects us all at various times during our lives. Our society tends to deal with loss the same way it deals with death and dying - as a painful event to get over rather than as a natural process that can cause growth and transformation.

Every loss leaves us with an emptiness - an opening inside. This opening provides a doorway through which we can move forward and begin the journey to the rest of our lives. That journey, and the effort we make to step through that doorway, are called grief work.

What is loss?

Loss is the process of suffering we go through when we lose something that we value in our lives.

Loss is inevitable and universal - no matter how hard we try to avoid it, we will all experience loss at some time. Nothing is permanent.

Loss is subjective - each person experiences loss in his or her unique way. We all experience certain kinds of loss, but the way in which we process it differs tremendously.

What is grief?

The normal human emotional reaction to a significant loss is grief. It is also known as mourning or bereavement. Although sadness is the most common symptom, there are many others such as crying, anger, anxiety, hopelessness, and emptiness to name a few.

All types of loss carry a certain amount of grief. The way we grieve is often different for different types of losses. In order to fully understand grief, it is important to be aware of the different types of loss we experience which can help the healing process.

One type of loss, abnormal (unexpected) losses give us little time for emotional preparation, re- arrangement or integration. They challenge us to adjust quickly. Abnormal losses may be acute or chronic. A diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease is unexpected, yet is a chronic loss that may provide years of gradual decline for the patient and loved ones to adjust to. The sudden death of a previously healthy loved one is an acute unexpected loss.

What is grief work?

Grief work is the mental, emotional, and spiritual work of the grieving process. How you do your grief work determines whether growth and healing can occur. Grief work trans- formation is the process that transforms us from the suffering victim of loss to the more complete person we can eventually become.

Grief work will proceed on its own accord and momentum and will only require time, provided nothing interferes with the process.

The Four Steps of Grief Work Transformation:

Recollection - the first step is the active remembrance to that which is being lost or has been lost. This may be accompanied by longing for the pleasures recollected before the loss occurs.

Review - The second step is to review the loss from your current perspective and see the impact and effect it has had on your current life. Then try to speculate about the future implications of the loss.

Realization - The third step, realization, is the result of the experience gained through the recollection and the array of feelings and ideas derived from the review. The realization comes from recognizing what parts of the loss are permanent and cannot be negotiated back, and what parts of the loss have opened new possibilities for the future.

Resolution - this is the final conscious step of grief work transformation. It is when we resolve to live life acknowledging the loss. We accept the loss and try to learn from it. Resolution is firmer when it permeates our feelings and ideas and changes our behavior.

The life cycle entails an ongoing series of coming together and letting go through loss, bereavement, and reinvolvement. Grief work is the part of that cycle that allows us to move past the loss and bereavement and prepare ourselves for reinvolvement. It allows us to step into the holes in our lives and fill them up with new growth.

About the Author

www.relationshiphandbook.com
Jan Maizler, MSW, LCSW, is a veteran psycho- therapist practicing in Miami, Florida. He has authored six books and over eighty articles.