In CyberSpace, you are what you write. A well-written profile is the Internet equivalent of Drop-Dead Gorgeous. This is an opportunity not to be missed!

During face to face or phone communication, other clues and cues are present. You can hear the other's voice tone and cadence, see their body language, smell a person's individual scent, notice how they dress and present themselves to the world. All those factors and many more flood our senses and help flesh out our mental picture of the other.

Only old fashioned *snail mail* letters come close to the restricted palette of email. And even with *snail mail,* you would have more clues. The author's handwriting, with their choice of stationery and the writing implement (pencil or perhaps old fashioned fountain pen, black or maybe peacock blue ink), would add to the richness of your image.

With Cyberspace, it's just letters on a screen. In the most literal way possible, you are only as good as your word.

How you present yourself is who you are.

If you are getting yourself ready to go to meet your future life's partner, you will likely be taking meticulous care with your presentation. You may be thinking and planning for weeks. Perhaps you are treating yourself to a makeover, spending money and paying attention to how you look, in a way you have not done in years. Maybe you buy several outfits and try them on over and over, trying to get a sense of what presents you the most favorably. Maybe you buy a gift or flowers to show your pleasure to your new love.

You are fastidious, down to the last detail.

This is exactly the attitude that you need to take in writing your profile.

You want the best of you to show. You want to be sure that your buttons are buttoned and your hair is just so. You want to look *fine.* After all, finally seeing that special someone and those first few minutes of direct contact may be the most important few minutes of the rest of your life.

With your Internet matchmaking profile, you have just a few minutes, maybe only a few seconds, to make your impression.

And every second has to count.

The Best Preparation

Educate yourself - get online and start looking at what others are writing. Some sites allow you to look around, even to do searches for potential matches using gender, age and geographical location.

A place to start might be Match.com, reviewed in the April issue of *eMAIL to eMATE.* Try some other sites, too, like Matchmaker.com reviewed below in this issue, and note the differences. Do sites seem to attract a certain kind or class people or a certain age group? Do you feel more comfortable on some sites than on others? Try to identify what makes a difference for you.

Search the profiles, both in the age and gender range in which you are interested, and also, your own age range and gender. Read lots of profiles, and copy and print off the ones that strike your fancy, intrigue you, or the ones that you find offensive or don't like. Make files of the writings you admire and the profiles you think are poorly written. Collect lots of both. And continue to do so. These word snapshots will be your textbook.

As you read over the profiles that you have printed out, try to form a mental image of the writer, based on his or her words. Ask yourself questions that seem important:

* Is this an honest person?
* Does he/she seem kind
* Does the writer appear angry or depressed?
* Is he/she someone I would want to spend an evening with?
* And then, Why or why not?

Jot down notes about your impressions on your printouts. And ask yourself:

What about the writing led me to think what I did?

You Are In Training

You are in a process of training yourself to read and observe closely. Perhaps never in your life has your ability to sense a person through their writing been more important.

People tell you who they are. On the Internet, they are REALLY telling you, because their words are the only way they have to do it. If you read carefully, what they say, how they say it, and also what they don't say, you can learn a tremendous amount.

The other side of that coin, that people are telling you all about themselves all the time, is that you have to be open to the information, willing to hear what they are saying.

Computer communication (only words across your screen and no other sensory clues) enhances certain reactions in the reader. Fantasy - your own mind's tendency to fill in the gaps - happens all too easily, with so little other evidence to prohibit it. If you have a tendency to believe the printed word (if it is written down, it must be so), you are at risk with an email romance.

Learn to read on two levels. Enjoy and believe what your correspondent writes on one level. But on another, more stepped back place, be aware that what he/she presents may not be so. Train yourself to doubt. Remember, no matter how well the two of you seem to click, this person is still a stranger.

Do Your Homework

1. Many of the dating sites offer good tips on profile writing. Dateable.com has a good one. Check out the free advice.

2. As you are doing your research, start thinking about your own profile. You might start a draft. Use your own word processor to write, so that you can think about what you are presenting and polish the final product. You can cut and paste the final version into the space provided in the dating site you chose.

3. Do NOT write your profile off the top of your head, right into the profile space allotted. It's too easy to make spelling and grammar mistakes that show forever. Too easy to post a sloppy and poorly written presentation.

4. Above all, take this process seriously. You are looking for your life mate.

5. And don't forget to have fun!

Tags: Cyber Relationships

About the Author

I am Kathryn Lord and I am a CyberRomance Coach. I get people ready for love, help them find a Sweetheart using the Internet, then learn what they need to know for a relationship that lasts. More