Kathryn B. Lord, L.C.S.W.

Thinking about dating again, maybe after being out of circulation for a number of years, can feel like anticipating your high school class reunion - Time to go on a diet, buy some new outfits, and get a new hair style, maybe a dye job or even a hair transplant. Liposuction or botox, anyone?

The opening of the whole world for your mate search via the Internet explodes with possibilities. The right person is Out There - that is a certainty. On the other hand, just as Cyberspace offers more choice, your competition is that much greater, too. Your future partner is looking further than next door, and his or her criteria and expectations are high. You need to be as ready as you can possibly be.

While feeling confident that your physical appearance is the best is important, even more basic, internal work needs to happen as well. Personal, inside readiness for a relationship is vital, both for yourself and your future partner. If you aren't really *ready* for a relationship, no matter what you do, you are not going to get the best possible match. It's just not going to happen.

How Can I Know If I Am Ready?

As much as you think that you want to be in a relationship, something is likely getting in the way. Here are some questions to ask yourself as part of your getting ready for love:

Am I really through whatever business I might have with a previous partner?

Am I legally and/or emotionally free of entanglements that would prevent my wholehearted involvement with another?

If married before, am I divorced and finished with financial ties?

Putting yourself out in dating circles as available when your clearly aren't doesn't help your search. You might FEEL that you are ready, and emotionally you may be, but finish up your old business. Come to your new lover freely and unencumbered by old baggage. She or he will appreciate it.

Am I still angry at him or her, maybe angry in general for how I was treated?

Am I still grieving, either from the death of my partner, or for the death of the relationship?

Am I angry that I HAVEN'T had a significant relationship yet?

These kind of feelings are like a bad hangover. You can't get past the headache and general feeling of sickness, and it shows. You are not any more available for a relationship that someone who is still married. While you may legitimately feel that your feelings are deserved and not your fault, still, it is your responsibility to figure out how to get past them. If not, those feelings will be right there with you on that first date.

Have I been so badly hurt that opening myself up to a new love would require more courage than I can imagine mustering?

Am I willing to make the changes, even significant ones like moving, that would allow a healthy relationship to flourish?

Opening yourself up for a new relationship is, by definition, opening yourself up for pain and change. More positively, though, are the openings for the joy, exhilaration, and growth. To make room for the positive, you have to risk the negative.

What Can I Do?

If you could use help with your entanglement *Spring Cleaning,* it's Out There. Your friends might be able to give you some feedback about your readiness for involvement -- if so, try to be open and listen carefully to what they have to say. If you have a therapist, this would be a good area for exploration. If you are thinking about getting a coach to support you in your mate search, she or he should be able to help you sort through what needs to happen.

The Internet and the World Wide Web have opened up the process of mate finding in incredible new ways. We are just beginning to tap that potential.

Additionally, because of the accessibility of single folks everywhere and the privacy offered by computer searches, attitudes about assertively seeking the best possible mate are changing dramatically. On the Net, a woman can acceptably make the first move, if she sees an interesting possibility. It's possible to get to know more about a potential partner that conventional dating could allow.

I am convinced that we are going to see more and more pairings, particularly with middle-aged and older singles, since Cyberspace makes identifying available partners so much easier. It IS a Brave New World out there, and one filled with fantastic opportunities. Make sure that you are ready!

Tags: Finding Love and Soulmate, Cyber Relationships

About the Author

www.find-a-sweetheart.com
I am Kathryn Lord and I am a CyberRomance Coach. I get people ready for love, help them find a Sweetheart using the Internet, then learn what they need to know for a relationship that lasts.