Cyber Dating: Why Try The Internet?

by Kathryn B. Lord, L.C.S.W.

If you're not a teenager anymore, or if it has been awhile since you have seen your twenties, thirties, or even your forties, meeting mate possibilities via the Internet has a lot to be said for it.

The biggest positive factor may be the privacy (keeping in mind that Internet communication may not be completely secure). This privacy is enormously freeing. No one sees anything that you do unless you want him or her to, so you are free to make moves that you would never dare to do in your everyday life. You can define yourself, as you want to be seen. You can highlight parts of yourself that may not be that obvious. And you are free to look. From home. In your pajamas. You can look and look and look. It's a lot like going shopping, but simpler.

As well, you can be as anonymous as you want to be, or as public as you dare. Some of the websites will route emails between interested people through the service, stripping off any identifying electronic information. The recipient of your emails will not know whom you are or how to get in touch with you directly unless YOU provide the information. But they CAN reply to your emails (with their identifying information removed) again routed through the website.

What You Know About People Who Are Listed:

1. You know they are looking. It takes time to set up a profile, and that is an investment that indicates seriousness. Signing up with an Internet dating site means that a person is actively looking for someone. They may not truly available, but they ARE looking.

2. You also know that everyone listed has at least rudimentary computer skills and access to a computer. Much can be learned about a person by how they write and how much energy they put into communicating with you. The writer's basic literacy is quickly apparent. Frequency and intensity of emails can be indicators of availability and seriousness. What people don't include can be as revealing as what they actually do chose to send.

What You Can Handle Before Meeting In Real Time:

With conventional dating, whether it is with someone you know or a new person, you are immediately faced with possible sexual pressure: Do you kiss on the first date? Do you invite him in? What will he expect or try to do? Will you be able to handle it? What do you want to do, if anything? What about the disease business? What about safe sex? How do you talk about that? What if he is a jerk? Then how do you get rid of him?

With CyberDating, most of those sensitive issues can get handled before you ever meet, if you ever do. It's all rather old fashioned, sort of like an arranged marriage, or a very formal courtship with the chaperone of distance and anonymity.

If you form an online relationship and it seems time to meet in *real time and space,* here are some tips for success:

Make sure you both agree to guidelines and firm understandings for the purpose of the meeting, how long a time you would spend together, and what might happen.

Take reasonable safety precautions: Meet in a public place where other people would be present. Tell a trusted person where you are going and why, and supply them with identifying information about the person you are meeting. Some folks even take a friend along -- never hurts to have a second opinion.

Consider a short, time limited first contact, particularly if you are not traveling a distance to meet. If seeing your email partner *in the flesh* for the first time does not meet your hopes, you'll be able to gracefully exit sooner.

Take your cell phone or borrow one. It's good for the safety element, and might come in handy -- what if your car should break down on your way to meet your date? For added security, you can have a friend call you while you are on the date. And if you want an excuse to leave, the phone call could be it.

Make your sexual limits absolutely clear: *No touching* is quite reasonable for a first, emotionally loaded meeting. If you aren't so sure about that rule, then go over any sexual conditions you might have by email, before the first meeting, while heads and other parts are a bit cooler.

So consider it! Get online and look around. Take a look at the site reviewed below, or do a search on *romance* or *matchmaking* and see what you can find. A lot of interesting, available people are doing the same thing. Someone may be looking for a mate JUST LIKE YOU!

About the Author

www.find-a-sweetheart.com
I am Kathryn Lord and I am a CyberRomance Coach. I get people ready for love, help them find a Sweetheart using the Internet, then learn what they need to know for a relationship that lasts.